Elderly Parents and Looking Out for Them

I'll just kick off my contribution for this one from the Parent derail over in Politics... Copypasta powers.. ACTIVATE!

Pre-warning : Incoming Haus Wall Of Text Rant time...

I think it extends beyond just the attitude many younger people take towards their elders, but we can start there. In previous generations (think Greatest Generation, like my grandparents) there was still essentially a version of the ol societal contract. There was an understanding that as adults you not only took care of yourself, and raised your kids, you worked to build generational wealth so that their generation would have something to start from and progress forward. The idea being that every generation should do better than the last, and set up the next generation to do better than them.

What I have seen in my own family is that breaking down, and I think it's because of the "me generation" bullshit starting in the late 60's. My grandfather and grandmother worked their whole lives to generate something to be passed down to the future generations. They were first generation in from the farm rural folks who had essentially nothing. They moved into town because of better jobs, my grandfather worked his ass off with one company his entire post-military career. Bought a house, saved money, raised his kids. This produced my mother's generation. My mother (youngest) and three uncles. Of the four of them only one has managed to get into retirement with even anything saved for retirement, let alone anything to be helping their own kids (and now grandkids) get a leg up. (Hint : it wasn't my mom...) In fact, my mom divorced my dad when I was under 1 year old (he didn't feel like there was a reason to get/keep a job), and then decided she wanted to go "experience life" and rolled with a group of "motorcycle enthusiasts" from the early 70's for a good while. She left me with my grandparents who then adopted and raised me. I thank any given deity that will listen about every day for having them as a safety net to raise me. All the while watching 2 of my 3 uncles live out that low achieving honky-tonk lifestyle... My mom go through 4 husbands (producing my sister along the way). All of them sans one uncle winding up on the "I'm going to start taking social security as early as I can because that's all I have to survive on" train.

My sister proceeds to spin through three husbands, never goes to college, never has any notable career, but also between all the divorces ends up only being a part time parent to her kids. They were mostly raised by their dad. She's now in her 50's, not really working because she "had an accident" that let her get on SSI disability. Then almost exactly when my mom started needing some assistance with things, she decided to move to Tennessee to be closer to her son's and grandbabies. Her and her husband are both in their 50's and living on SSI already and will never work a serious job again. The husband openly prided himself on how much of his life he spent making money that wasn't reported to the government, only to boggle at why his gubbment check is so small....

Meanwhile I was lucky enough that my grandfather put away money to help me get started in life, (it was go to college or get a job, I used it to supplement my first couple years in my career so I could essentially apprentice and learn). I took their example and worked on having a career, and being a good provider. Then I met Mrs. Haus and we got married. Due to medical situations and crap which makes me pissed at God (if there is one) we weren't able to have kids for me to try to provide that generational wealth to. All the while having a mom who didn't provide anything on that front now needing me to take care of her, a sister in another state who thinks her doing everything she can for her mom is "I cover her phone bill", and staring down the reality that when my wife and I get older we won't have kids to look after or take care of us through no fault of our own....

But to summarize what I was trying to say about your comment about how society is focused away from their being honor in caring for your elders, you should also remember that many have elders that never truly fulfilled their end of the bargain and earned the respect that would endear you to want to care for them.

Even with that said, I will take care of my mom. Because I'm not scum. But also, I was raised by a whole different generation than most of my peers were.....

Essentially, I am a pro bono landlord. I take care of the house (About to drop money for a new roof among other repairs), and take care of her (buying groceries, handling things, paying bills from her checking account, etc...) The only long range benefit of this to me is that the house she is in (where I was raised, and my grandparents purchased) is in a trust and assuming I outlive her I will end up owning it.

There was talk about having the discussion among all the children, in my case the one other child absconded to another state and doesn't have the money to financially assist. Her one way of handling it would be by moving in and helping, and she doesn't want to move away from her grandbabies in Tennessee.

New acquisition to help remind my mother to do tiny things like.. oh... check her blood sugar since she's diabetic..


You can program it with custom alarms that come up in text on the screen, and it's big enough to read across a room.