ROUND 1
1 Le'Veon Bell, Pit RB K Chalupa Batman
2 Julio Jones, Atl WR K Game of Jones
3 Ezekiel Elliott, Dal RB Time to Rebuild
4 Todd Gurley, LA RB K Penis Toes
5 DeAndre Hopkins, Hou WR K My Team Suckssssss
6 Eddie Lacy, GB RB K Higdonius Maximus
7 David Johnson, Ari RB K Oh no! We suck again!
8 Thomas Rawls, Sea RB K Gonzolian Aztecs
9 Antonio Brown, Pit WR K Chi-Town Hookers
10 Odell Beckham Jr., NYG WR K Penninsula-Cut Killas
11 Matt Forte, NYJ RB K Fuck this, I'm drinking!
12 Lamar Miller, Hou RB Center4Kids WhoDontReadGood
ROUND 2
13 Jeremy Maclin, KC WR K Chalupa Batman
14 Dez Bryant, Dal WR K Game of Jones
15 Adrian Peterson, Min RB Time to Rebuild
16 A.J. Green, Cin WR Penis Toes
17 Rob Gronkowski, NE TE K My Team Suckssssss
18 Aaron Rodgers, GB QB K Higdonius Maximus
19 Doug Martin, TB RB Oh no! We suck again!
20 Russell Wilson, Sea QB K Gonzolian Aztecs
21 Mark Ingram, NO RB K Chi-Town Hookers
22 LeSean McCoy, Buf RB K Penninsula-Cut Killas
23 Tom Brady, NE QB K Fuck this, I'm drinking!
24 Jordy Nelson, GB WR Center4Kids WhoDontReadGood
ROUND 3
25 Devonta Freeman, Atl RB Chalupa Batman
26 Allen Robinson, Jax WR Game of Jones
27 Cam Newton, Car QB Time to Rebuild
28 Brandon Marshall, NYJ WR Penis Toes
29 Jamaal Charles, KC RB My Team Suckssssss
30 Alshon Jeffery, Chi WR Higdonius Maximus
31 Sammy Watkins, Buf WR Oh no! We suck again!
32 C.J. Anderson, Den RB Gonzolian Aztecs
33 Amari Cooper, Oak WR Chi-Town Hookers
34 Mike Evans, TB WR Penninsula-Cut Killas
35 Carlos Hyde, SF RB Fuck this, I'm drinking!
36 Keenan Allen, SD WR Center4Kids WhoDontReadGood
ROUND 4
37 Kelvin Benjamin, Car WR Center4Kids WhoDontReadGood
38 Doug Baldwin, Sea WR Fuck this, I'm drinking!
39 Brandin Cooks, NO WR Penninsula-Cut Killas
40 Jeremy Langford, Chi RB Chi-Town Hookers
41 Jonathan Stewart, Car RB Gonzolian Aztecs
42 Golden Tate, Det WR Oh no! We suck again!
43 Jeremy Hill, Cin RB Higdonius Maximus
44 Latavius Murray, Oak RB My Team Suckssssss
45 Jordan Reed, Wsh TE Penis Toes
46 Jarvis Landry, Mia WR Time to Rebuild
47 Matt Jones, Wsh RB Game of Jones
48 Donte Moncrief, Ind WR Chalupa Batman
ROUND 5
49 DeVante Parker, Mia WR Chalupa Batman
50 Ryan Mathews, Phi RB Game of Jones
51 Julian Edelman, NE WR Time to Rebuild
52 Demaryius Thomas, Den WR Penis Toes
53 T.Y. Hilton, Ind WR My Team Suckssssss
54 Eric Decker, NYJ WR Higdonius Maximus
55 Greg Olsen, Car TE Oh no! We suck again!
56 Emmanuel Sanders, Den WR Gonzolian Aztecs
57 DeMarco Murray, Ten RB Chi-Town Hookers
58 Dion Lewis*, NE RB Penninsula-Cut Killas
59 Steve Smith Sr., Bal WR Fuck this, I'm drinking!
60 Melvin Gordon, SD RB Center4Kids WhoDontReadGood
ROUND 6
61 Arian Foster, Mia RB Center4Kids WhoDontReadGood
62 Ben Roethlisberger, Pit QB Fuck this, I'm drinking!
63 Delanie Walker, Ten TE Penninsula-Cut Killas
64 Andrew Luck, Ind QB Chi-Town Hookers
65 Drew Brees, NO QB Gonzolian Aztecs
66 Michael Floyd, Ari WR Oh no! We suck again!
67 Frank Gore, Ind RB Higdonius Maximus
68 DeAngelo Williams, Pit RB My Team Suckssssss
69 Carson Palmer, Ari QB Penis Toes
70 Randall Cobb, GB WR Time to Rebuild
71 Coby Fleener, NO TE Game of Jones
72 Marvin Jones, Det WR Chalupa Batman
ROUND 7
73 Ameer Abdullah, Det RB Chalupa Batman
74 Duke Johnson Jr., Cle RB Game of Jones
75 Chris Ivory, Jax RB Time to Rebuild
76 Rashad Jennings, NYG RB Penis Toes
77 Giovani Bernard, Cin RB My Team Suckssssss
78 John Brown, Ari WR Higdonius Maximus
79 Jordan Matthews, Phi WR Oh no! We suck again!
80 Travis Kelce, KC TE Gonzolian Aztecs
81 T.J. Yeldon, Jax RB Chi-Town Hookers
82 Larry Fitzgerald, Ari WR Penninsula-Cut Killas
83 Zach Ertz, Phi TE Fuck this, I'm drinking!
84 Blake Bortles, Jax QB Center4Kids WhoDontReadGood
ROUND 8
85 Danny Woodhead, SD RB Center4Kids WhoDontReadGood
86 Anquan Boldin, Det WR Fuck this, I'm drinking!
87 Eli Manning, NYG QB Penninsula-Cut Killas
88 DeSean Jackson, Wsh WR Chi-Town Hookers
89 Kevin White, Chi WR Gonzolian Aztecs
90 Derrick Henry, Ten RB Oh no! We suck again!
91 Philip Rivers, SD QB Higdonius Maximus
92 Justin Forsett, Bal RB My Team Suckssssss
93 Josh Gordon, Cle WR Penis Toes
94 Allen Hurns, Jax WR Time to Rebuild
95 Tevin Coleman, Atl RB Game of Jones
96 Tyler Eifert*, Cin TE Chalupa Batman
ROUND 9
97 Tyrod Taylor, Buf QB Chalupa Batman
98 Seahawks D/ST D/ST Game of Jones
99 Sterling Shepard, NYG WR Time to Rebuild
100 Jay Ajayi, Mia RB Penis Toes
101 Devin Funchess, Car WR My Team Suckssssss
102 Panthers D/ST D/ST Higdonius Maximus
103 Markus Wheaton, Pit WR Oh no! We suck again!
104 LeGarrette Blount, NE RB Gonzolian Aztecs
105 Tyler Lockett, Sea WR Chi-Town Hookers
106 Michael Crabtree, Oak WR Penninsula-Cut Killas
107 Texans D/ST D/ST Fuck this, I'm drinking!
108 Julius Thomas, Jax TE Center4Kids WhoDontReadGood
ROUND 10
109 Broncos D/ST D/ST Center4Kids WhoDontReadGood
110 Justin Tucker, Bal K Fuck this, I'm drinking!
111 Torrey Smith, SF WR Penninsula-Cut Killas
112 Theo Riddick, Det RB Chi-Town Hookers
113 Willie Snead, NO WR Gonzolian Aztecs
114 Travis Benjamin, SD WR Oh no! We suck again!
115 Jimmy Graham, Sea TE Higdonius Maximus
116 Derek Carr, Oak QB My Team Suckssssss
117 Isaiah Crowell, Cle RB Penis Toes
118 Cardinals D/ST D/ST Time to Rebuild
119 Stefon Diggs, Min WR Game of Jones
120 Darren Sproles, Phi RB Chalupa Batman
ROUND 11
121 Keith Marshall, Wsh RB Chalupa Batman
122 Gary Barnidge, Cle TE Game of Jones
123 Antonio Gates, SD TE Time to Rebuild
124 Charles Sims, TB RB Penis Toes
125 Vincent Jackson, TB WR My Team Suckssssss
126 James Starks, GB RB Higdonius Maximus
127 Bengals D/ST D/ST Oh no! We suck again!
128 Packers D/ST D/ST Gonzolian Aztecs
129 Tony Romo, Dal QB Chi-Town Hookers
130 Bilal Powell, NYJ RB Penninsula-Cut Killas
131 Tavon Austin, LA WR Fuck this, I'm drinking!
132 Michael Thomas, NO WR Center4Kids WhoDontReadGood
ROUND 12
133 Rishard Matthews, Ten WR Center4Kids WhoDontReadGood
134 Corey Coleman, Cle WR Fuck this, I'm drinking!
135 Phillip Dorsett, Ind WR Penninsula-Cut Killas
136 Zach Miller, Chi TE Chi-Town Hookers
137 Sammie Coates, Pit WR Gonzolian Aztecs
138 Eric Ebron, Det TE Oh no! We suck again!
139 Justin Hardy, Atl WR Higdonius Maximus
140 Jets D/ST D/ST My Team Suckssssss
141 Martellus Bennett, NE TE Penis Toes
142 Stephen Gostkowski, NE K Time to Rebuild
143 Mohamed Sanu, Atl WR Game of Jones
144 DeAndre Washington, Oak RB Chalupa Batman
ROUND 13
145 Chiefs D/ST D/ST Chalupa Batman
146 Tim Hightower, NO RB Game of Jones
147 C.J. Prosise, Sea RB Time to Rebuild
148 Jordan Howard, Chi RB Penis Toes
149 Kamar Aiken, Bal WR My Team Suckssssss
150 Steven Hauschka, Sea K Higdonius Maximus
151 Spencer Ware, KC RB Oh no! We suck again!
152 Mason Crosby, GB K Gonzolian Aztecs
153 Raiders D/ST D/ST Chi-Town Hookers
154 Chris Hogan, NE WR Penninsula-Cut Killas
155 Charcandrick West, KC RB Fuck this, I'm drinking!
156 Tyler Boyd, Cin WR Center4Kids WhoDontReadGood
ROUND 14
157 Paul Perkins, NYG RB Center4Kids WhoDontReadGood
158 Terrance Williams, Dal WR Fuck this, I'm drinking!
159 Devontae Booker, Den RB Penninsula-Cut Killas
160 Jerick McKinnon, Min RB Chi-Town Hookers
161 Chris Thompson, Wsh RB Gonzolian Aztecs
162 Kirk Cousins, Wsh QB Oh no! We suck again!
163 Bruce Ellington, SF WR Higdonius Maximus
164 Jason Witten, Dal TE My Team Suckssssss
165 Dan Bailey, Dal K Penis Toes
166 Will Fuller, Hou WR Time to Rebuild
167 Graham Gano, Car K Game of Jones
168 Blair Walsh, Min K Chalupa Batman
ROUND 15
169 Wendell Smallwood, Phi RB Chalupa Batman
170 Matthew Stafford, Det QB Game of Jones
171 Alfred Morris, Dal RB Time to Rebuild
172 Patriots D/ST D/ST Penis Toes
173 Brandon McManus, Den K My Team Suckssssss
174 Shane Vereen, NYG RB Higdonius Maximus
175 Jameis Winston, TB QB Oh no! We suck again!
176 Ted Ginn Jr., Car WR Gonzolian Aztecs
177 Ka'Deem Carey, Chi RB Chi-Town Hookers
178 Adam Vinatieri, Ind K Penninsula-Cut Killas
179 Javorius Allen, Bal RB Fuck this, I'm drinking!
180 Ladarius Green*, Pit TE Center4Kids WhoDontReadGood
ROUND 16
181 Chandler Catanzaro, Ari K Center4Kids WhoDontReadGood
182 Dwayne Allen, Ind TE Fuck this, I'm drinking!
183 Vikings D/ST D/ST Penninsula-Cut Killas
184 Roberto Aguayo, TB K Chi-Town Hookers
185 Benjamin Watson, Bal TE Gonzolian Aztecs
186 Robbie Gould, Chi K Oh no! We suck again!
187 Terrance West, Bal RB Higdonius Maximus
188 Christine Michael, Sea RB My Team Suckssssss
189 Laquon Treadwell, Min WR Penis Toes
190 Matt Ryan, Atl QB Time to Rebuild
191 Ryan Tannehill, Mia QB Game of Jones
192 Jared Cook, GB TE Chalupa Batman