Has the science of reading women moved forward yet?

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sonicmaster

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I've been working at this company for some years when this knew co-worker joined. Never felt attracted to anyone there. She showed interest in me, quickly began talking to me daily much more than any other person there ever has and we have a lot in common. She would even text me frequently outside work about very trivial things.

Right when I was feeling the time was right and was ready to make a move all of a sudden she started acting very cold, barely saying good morning for quite some time, to a point I had to ask if I had done something. Nothing at all apparently. I really felt like crap because, truth be told, I'm crazy about her...but I sucked it up and kept my cool.

Now, right when I just got used to the fact that nothing was going to happen and began moving on, all of a sudden she talks happily to me again daily. Commenting on my almost unnoticeable haircut, coming up and "complaining" she had been looking all over for me online (social networks) and couldn't find me, joking around and stuff like that.

What gives??? Why would she do this? There's no way she's oblivious about the whole situation but I just can't figure out anymore if she wants to keep it 100% professional, be good friends or something more. Or I just can't read women at all...

I know this sounds pretty simple to solve, just ask her what the hell is she thinking. But there's a catch: we work in the same office. I know how it is, once the cat is out of the box there's no going back. Having to walk by this person all the time every day...
 
Chanur

Chanur

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I don't advocate dating women from work.

That being said if you really want to know just be direct and ask her out. If she says no say that's cool and move on.
 
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Tenks

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I love how you frame this as "science of reading women" yet you yourself went from not interested to interested to back again to not interested.
 
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pharmakos

pharmakos

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Just ask her out directly. Don't be weird about it. ¶=
 
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Mrs. Gravy

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I have more questions than answers but have decided to say just fucking talk to her...OUTSIDE of work. You will torture yourself otherwise . if the answer is no thank you, the hurt lasts a short time and you can decide together on friendship rules; not asking can drag this on indefinitely. Put on your big boy pants and move this along. (p.s. make sure there are no work rules prohibiting this.)
 
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jooka

jooka

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My work place frowns very heavily upon dating inside the workplace. They don't out right ban it but if you work in the same department and something happens, one of the two people will get moved out of the department pretty much immediately so make sure you aren't ruining some work path you might want to follow but end up not being able to because of a work relationship.
 
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Moogalak

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sonicmaster said:
I've been working at this company for some years when this knew co-worker joined. Never felt attracted to anyone there. She showed interest in me, quickly began talking to me daily much more than any other person there ever has and we have a lot in common. She would even text me frequently outside work about very trivial things.

Right when I was feeling the time was right and was ready to make a move all of a sudden she started acting very cold, barely saying good morning for quite some time, to a point I had to ask if I had done something. Nothing at all apparently. I really felt like crap because, truth be told, I'm crazy about her...but I sucked it up and kept my cool.

Now, right when I just got used to the fact that nothing was going to happen and began moving on, all of a sudden she talks happily to me again daily. Commenting on my almost unnoticeable haircut, coming up and "complaining" she had been looking all over for me online (social networks) and couldn't find me, joking around and stuff like that.

What gives??? Why would she do this? There's no way she's oblivious about the whole situation but I just can't figure out anymore if she wants to keep it 100% professional, be good friends or something more. Or I just can't read women at all...

I know this sounds pretty simple to solve, just ask her what the hell is she thinking. But there's a catch: we work in the same office. I know how it is, once the cat is out of the box there's no going back. Having to walk by this person all the time every day...
Click to expand...

Like Mrs. G says, a lot of missing info here. How old is she? How old are you? Are you required to work with her on the daily? Main thing is to keep it outside the workplace.
 
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sonicmaster

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I'm 31, she's 29.

The company has no rules about it. There are couples there even.

We do have to work in the same space. Zero chance of either being moved to other department/workspace.

I love how you frame this as "science of reading women" yet you yourself went from not interested to interested to back again to not interested.
Click to expand...
Actually no, I've been interested all the time and, more importantly, I never changed my behavior around her at any point. She did.

I could ask her out. I'm just too afraid of the aftermath, given the context, I fear the awkwardness too much. If she was not a co-worker I would have before, not one doubt about it. And trust me, I wouldn't be struggling if she wasn't so great. But I'm actually much more frustrated for not understanding her, not knowing if there was something obvious that I just missed rather than not knowing what to do.

Chanur said:
I don't advocate dating women from work.
Click to expand...

I guess I should focus more on this essentially. Maybe it's just a bad idea.
Might sound stupid but what also pisses me is that there I was very cool, enjoying my single life for a while, comfortable... and now I feel I need go out much more just to meet new people and forget a bout her.
 
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a_skeleton_06

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There's no maybe about it. Don't do that shit. The % chance that it works out is pretty low and the % chance that you feel so weird you consider switching employers is medium to high.
 
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jooka

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I could ask her out. I'm just too afraid of the aftermath, given the context, I fear the awkwardness too much.
Click to expand...

Gut straight up telling you what to do, don't let that little pee pee between your legs make decisions.
 
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Haast

Haast

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Haastradamus takes a guess:

- She talked to you all the time and messaged you a bunch outside of work -- she was interested
- She went cold and stopped talking to you -- she was tired of you being ambivalent to her obvious interest (in her mind) and her feels were hurt
- She started talking to you again like before -- she decided to give it one more go... probably. That, or she decided to be friends since you don't want to date her; possibly salvageable.

Assuming you want to actually date her and aren't dumb enough to pump & dump a co-worker you see every day, guess you have to decide if dating her is worth possibly changing jobs if it goes to shit.

I pussied out on asking out two co-workers (at different times) at my last job. Some regrets. Life goes on. I'm not that good at women anyway.

 
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iannis

iannis

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What haast said.

Also, don't shit where you eat.

It sucks, but that's the rule. You can even tell her that is the only reason you've never asked if you want to be a not asshole. It will help her to not be hurt if she was interested in you. Extra bonus if it's actually true.
 
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sonicmaster

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Well, there's a general consensus here. Unless she would give a crystal clear sign in the next days, this is a bad idea.

I do know you're all probably right so I will follow all your wise words and not let "the pee pee between my legs" make the decision of "shiting where I eat" so I'll "pussy out" on this one and just "won't do that shit".

Thanks guys
 
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iannis

iannis

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If you really do like her, and think that she reciprocates (it sounds like she does, and got offended by you not making a move quickly enough) you can tell her the reason why you DIDN'T make that move. Co-workers.

It leaves a possibility open for something to happen in 6 months or a year. Something that most likely never will happen, but something that never could happen if you just leave it unsaid. Even if you're 100% dead wrong, and she's not into you at all, telling her that will be a deep compliment which she will appreciate. If that is the case she'll probably stop talking to you for a few weeks to a month, but then the fog will lift and she'll start talking to you again. And if that is what's happening and you completely read it wrong then you never had a shot anyway. But instead of just being all sads and waah-waah, you'll have created something good out of the situation.

It's really really hard to lose just doing that. Unless your definition of winning includes a wet dick. In which case... there are women that you can pay for that particular service and just win all the time.
 
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BrotherWu

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If you're already friendly, why just use an incremental approach?

End of day:

"Damn, I'm starving. Want to go grab some tacos at my favorite restaurant, 'Chupa mi pito'? It's Margarita night." It's informal and spontaneous and doesn't come off as a date, per se.

If she passes, no big deal, could be she has something to do. Let it roll and maybe ask some other time. Two refusals and I guess you'd have your answer.
 
TrollfaceDeux

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sonicmaster said:
Well, there's a general consensus here. Unless she would give a crystal clear sign in the next days, this is a bad idea.

I do know you're all probably right so I will follow all your wise words and not let "the pee pee between my legs" make the decision of "shiting where I eat" so I'll "pussy out" on this one and just "won't do that shit".

Thanks guys
Click to expand...
I get the feeling you will ask her out sometime anyway.

Just be casual. Also, don't take rejection the wrong way.
Keep it professional, do a meet with HR to cover your ass. Be firm. Nothing more than that.
 
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