How to deal with a dead beat family member who is dragging your parents down

Voyce

Shit Lord Supreme
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So here's the raw information:

My brother is a fuck up

Basically he's always been an arrogant prick, who used his size to boss my family around, this was never properly checked and it has become his defacto personality.

He went off and got a job far away, with people that wouldn't tolerate his shit.

He ended up getting in a bad way, thrown in prison, most likely rightfully so. Losing his job etc... basically because he couldn't handle a break up. (I've been there and the lowest of the lows, and can understand the situation, the difference being that I didn't try to take others down with me.)

He got out after a year of my parents throwing over $30,000.00 to get his worthless ass out.

He's since moved back in with my parents, that was well over three years ago and he hasn't moved out since.

It's quite clear to me he has no intention of moving out, and he is abusive to my parents--in a verbal capacity consistently--but also recently physically.

From the story that I was told and what I've gathered on my own, after arguing with my mom,
He started choking her briefly and punched my father.

It's come extremely close to a fight between him and I.

The problem in this situation is my Dad, he won't disown this shit, at the consequence of his and his Wife's safety, health, and well being. He has martyrdom syndrome, throwing himself to the side constantly. I love him but his lack of resolve to push back, and self sacrificing nature, is a burden in this situation.

So the question is, how do I proceed with this situation?

1.
Do I wait for it to come to blows?

If it does and the cops get involved we'll both probably end up in prison.

I'm sure I would be out shortly, but he will end up doing a lot of time, due to circumstances that I cannot discuss here. Even though he probably belongs there, this would create strain on my parents, although potentially less than now.

2.
I have some law enforcement acquaintances that I train with regularly, and even some family members in law enforcement. I might be able to talk to them, and I don't know honestly...maybe scare him out of my parents house?

3.
Cut off contact with my parents until they take the necessary actions. I've tried this to a degree but I end up visiting them again after a while.
 
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Cad

<Bronze Donator>
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So here's the raw information:

My brother is a fuck up

Basically he's always been an arrogant prick, who used his size to boss my family around, this was never properly checked and it has become his defacto personality.

He went off and got a job far away, with people that wouldn't tolerate his shit.

He ended up getting in a bad way, thrown in prison, most likely rightfully so. Losing his job etc... basically because he couldn't handle a break up. (I've been there and the lowest of the lows, and can understand the situation, the difference being that I didn't try to take others down with me.)

He got out after a year of my parents throwing over $30,000.00 to get his worthless ass out.

He's since moved back in with my parents, that was well over three years ago and he hasn't moved out since.

It's quite clear to me he has no intention of moving out, and he is abusive to my parents--in a verbal capacity consistently--but also recently physically.

From the story that I was told and what I've gathered on my own, after arguing with my mom,
He started choking her briefly and punched my father.

It's come extremely close to a fight between him and I.

The problem in this situation is my Dad, he won't disown this shit, at the consequence of his and his Wife's safety, health, and well being. He has martyrdom syndrome, throwing himself to the side constantly. I love him but his lack of resolve to push back, and self sacrificing nature, is a burden in this situation.

So the question is, how do I proceed with this situation?

1.
Do I wait for it to come to blows?

If it does and the cops get involved we'll both probably end up in prison.

I'm sure I would be out shortly, but he will end up doing a lot of time, due to circumstances that I cannot discuss here. Even though he probably belongs there, this would create strain on my parents, although potentially less than now.

2.
I have some law enforcement acquaintances that I train with regularly, and even some family members in law enforcement. I might be able to talk to them, and I don't know honestly...maybe scare him out of my parents house?

3.
Cut off contact with my parents until they take the necessary actions. I've tried this to a degree but I end up visiting them again after a while.

Take your mom out of the situation and let your dad deal with it, since he wants to. If your mom is willing to get out temporarily then facilitate her doing so.
 
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Frenzied Wombat

Potato del Grande
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Put a dropcam in your parents house and film his physical abuse. Use that to either press charges or threaten him to leave the house.
 
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Hatorade

A nice asshole.
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I cut off shitty family real quick, this is your parents fault as well as his. If you can cut them off and not lose much sleep I say do so but tell them you are doing so and why, maybe they will get their shit together.
 
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Mr. K

Molten Core Raider
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I've spent 5 years dealing with my sister doing shit like this to my mom. She even faked a pregnancy/miscarriage to try and move back in after I finally got my mom to boot her.

But it's a fucking chore and as parents all they feel is shame and wanting to fix the situation.

I had to cut off contact with my mom and not let her see her grandchildren until it finally sank in.

Without my kids, I doubt it would have worked. So you may be screwed. Good luck.
 

Sludig

Silver Baronet of the Realm
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This kind of thing was covered on loveline or whatever. Certain types of abusive stuff like this I think can be covered under allanon (sp?)

Essentially your father needs to be shocked into realizing he is endangering everyone. His son is the one making those choices not him.

Start documenting incidences, if there's ever physical evidence get that asap. If you are there to witness it DO NOT get in a fight yourself. Get out, call police. If he's living with them It might trigger automatic arrest in most states for domestic violence. You say you would be out quick but possible consequences to your life is not worth it. That is doing the same shit your father is with martyr.

It sucks for you doubly being the 3rd party so to speak. Been there myself. (Love my nieces who have literal biggest cuck father and pretty openly like 5 times cheating mother who is my wifes sister.) I've also been the one letting a bad relationship with an addict/bad person carry on to long. (Wasted early 20's on a girl who literally spends time in state psych ward, basically 1 year relationship followed by 3-4 years enabler/patsy)
 
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Gavinmad

Mr. Poopybutthole
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The simplest and most effective answer here is violence, but like most people you would probably hesitate to beat your brother halfway or all the way to death.

I'm not going to repeat all the other advice here, but I will say this: Make sure your conscience is clear with whatever action you do or do not take. If you take option 3 and your psychotic ex-con brother snaps and kills your parents it will be just as much your fault as it was the fault of your parents for enabling him and your brother for actually doing the deed, and you will have to live with that. While you may not want to believe your brother capable of that, anyone who would lay their hands on their parents like that is incredibly unstable and it really doesn't take much for someone like that to completely lose control.
 
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Tenks

Bronze Knight of the Realm
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Wow thats rough Voyce. However I'm not sure this is really your problem to fix. Your parents see this guy, regardless of how scummy, as their son. This is either blinding them from his faults or making it so there is nothing he could do to change their opinions. If your father is allowing him to physically assault his wife I'm not sure what else you could do to change their minds.
 

Sludig

Silver Baronet of the Realm
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The simplest and most effective answer here is violence, but like most people you would probably hesitate to beat your brother halfway or all the way to death.

I'm not going to repeat all the other advice here, but I will say this: Make sure your conscience is clear with whatever action you do or do not take. If you take option 3 and your psychotic ex-con brother snaps and kills your parents it will be just as much your fault as it was the fault of your parents for enabling him and your brother for actually doing the deed, and you will have to live with that. While you may not want to believe your brother capable of that, anyone who would lay their hands on their parents like that is incredibly unstable and it really doesn't take much for someone like that to completely lose control.
Bullshit, though you are half right.

Conscience should be clear, but as someone whos life has been working in mental health/hospital/law enforcement settings...... just trying to beat him (when he's larger than you it sounded like) isn't going to solve much. Unless you live in small town nowhere and have an actual decent chance of SSS (Shoot shovel shutup), you need to be working the system against him. If sense can't be talked into the father, it's on them not you.
 

Ignatius

#thePewPewLife
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It's a shitty situation. I've got something similar that is brewing. My brother is increasingly abusive (as far as I can tell only verbally...if it's physical I'll break his arm) towards my mom. I've had words with him several times and at this point am hoping when he gets his inheritance from our dad he just leaves.

Family is awful man, best of luck.
 

Voyce

Shit Lord Supreme
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It's exhausting...this is the story of my family, if it's not my Mom and her poison-container relationship with my Dad, its my brother.

He went to prison, the family got along better, things mellowed out, partially because the stress it put my parents under when he would call to constantly spew his desperate crazy emotions took the wind out of everyone's sails, but mostly because all of all his chaos was contained.

They'd get hourly doses of his psychosis, but safely through a land line. Calls sounded like Steven Avery in that Making a Murderer doc, just fucking crazier.

My Dad is 63, he'll be 64 in June, Mom is 59.

I'm 29, I've been out of the house for the most part since I was 19.

Youngest brother moved out just a while ago, he's 25.

We're still tending to this nearly 35 year old man-child.

It's the same shit, nothings changed.



It's just going to come down to me choking his bitch-ass out.
 

chthonic-anemos

bitchute.com/video/EvyOjOORbg5l/
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Be nicer to your brother. Maybe buy him a vacation.

Some deep sea fishing might be just the ticket.
 
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PatrickStar

Trakanon Raider
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Don't listen to the internet tough guys. Never resort to violence and I don't say that as some bleeding heart liberal. The reason is the only way this comes your rightful conclusion is by using the law to your advantage. Beating his ass sounds great and all, but you're putting yourself into a bad legal corner of which it will most likely backfire. Your parents are so entrenched and your scumbag brother has them so wrapped around his fingers that violence will only feed into their situation. More importantly he will use it against you. Battery charges and restraining orders will effectively end any chance you have of winning.

Document and come up with clever ways to capture the abuse on film. Bait him into bragging about it and get it recorded. Time and patience. Start by talking to professionals who know the system and learn how to properly set him up to fuck himself.
 
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Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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Where is your younger brother in all of this? Seems he would be a good team mate on your side, no?
 

iannis

Musty Nester
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you've only got two options really. Beat him until he leaves, which doesn't sound plausible, or get his probation officer involved.

I'd confront him directly with that choice. He's already physically violent with your parents, so the line has already been crossed. If the parents are set on patience mode I don't know if video footage of abuse will be worth anything. Be nice if it was, that just means you don't have to take a beating to get him out of their house. But if they don't pursue a charge, I doubt a judge or lawyer is going to go out of their way to help.

Pick a fight, get beat up, press charges, violation of parole and he's back in jail.

And your parents will probably resent you.