I get to live in a cage, fat and happy, and then when I finally can't take it anymore I get to eat a young intern who forgot to lock the door to the small cage while she was cleaning my shit out of my big cage!
Who do I talk to to bring my time-traveling horse idea to the screen? Maybe a Bojack spinoff? Mr. Smiley's Time-Traveling Abortion Clinic. "Got a Hitler problem? Don't want to share the will with siblings? Just dial 1-800-Neighmester. No problem too big, no fetus too small!"