Making friends

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FifiNono

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Hey guys. Im a dude in my late 20s and have just come to the realization that I have like…3 friends. I am very outgoing and friendly at work and people seem to really enjoy being around me, but I never let people into my “circle” because I feel like mixing work and friends may get messy for whatever reason.

I dont do much besides work, hang out with my girlfriend, or hang out with my 3 friends.

Does anyone have recommendations on how to expand my circle of friends? Any events I should start going to? Classes I should start taking?
 
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Palum

Palum

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FifiNono said:
Hey guys. Im a dude in my late 20s and have just come to the realization that I have like…3 friends. I am very outgoing and friendly at work and people seem to really enjoy being around me, but I never let people into my “circle” because I feel like mixing work and friends may get messy for whatever reason.

I dont do much besides work, hang out with my girlfriend, or hang out with my 3 friends.

Does anyone have recommendations on how to expand my circle of friends? Any events I should start going to? Classes I should start taking?
Click to expand...

Do stuff you like doing any meet other people who like doing it. Just keep in mind you're looking for people you like hanging out with not just the hobby/sport/whatever. What do you do for extracurriculars?
 
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Cad

Cad

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Palum said:
Do stuff you like doing any meet other people who like doing it. Just keep in mind you're looking for people you like hanging out with not just the hobby/sport/whatever. What do you do for extracurriculars?
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Agree with Palum, best way to meet people who share your interests is to meet them doing your interests.

If you don't do anything but hang out, how can you meet new people? Get some interests, go do them, meet people.
 
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Kithani

Kithani

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FifiNono said:
Hey guys. Im a dude in my late 20s and have just come to the realization that I have like…3 friends. I am very outgoing and friendly at work and people seem to really enjoy being around me, but I never let people into my “circle” because I feel like mixing work and friends may get messy for whatever reason.

I dont do much besides work, hang out with my girlfriend, or hang out with my 3 friends.

Does anyone have recommendations on how to expand my circle of friends? Any events I should start going to? Classes I should start taking?
Click to expand...
First off congrats you're probably the youngest person on the forum, kinda interested how you ended up here.

I have maybe 10 good friends but more like 2-5 that I consider really close friends that I keep in touch with - don't really live in my town but I'm trying to start up an annual ski trip thing to keep everyone seeing each other annually as people start to have kids etc.

TBH I think late 20s is getting to the age where people get married and start settling down, decide if you want to wife up your GF for example. 3 good friends is doing pretty good in my book other than various work acquaintances etc. I agree with Palum though figure out what your hobbies are and you can make friends that way.
 
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Cutlery

Cutlery

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All of my friends I met at work. But....I have some stipulations here. When we hang out, we do not talk about work. So that means you have to have mutual interests. I've literally got friends I go shooting with, I've got friends I play chess with, Ive got friends I play gloomhaven with, and then I have my "friends." The ones who have been there longer than I can remember.

The truth is it's hard when you get older to keep friends. It's like a relationship - two way street. They have to put in just as much effort as you do. That's why when you find good people, fucking hang on to them.
 
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Dr.Retarded

Dr.Retarded

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Cutlery said:
All of my friends I met at work. But....I have some stipulations here. When we hang out, we do not talk about work. So that means you have to have mutual interests. I've literally got friends I go shooting with, I've got friends I play chess with, Ive got friends I play gloomhaven with, and then I have my "friends." The ones who have been there longer than I can remember.

The truth is it's hard when you get older to keep friends. It's like a relationship - two way street. They have to put in just as much effort as you do. That's why when you find good people, fucking hang on to them.
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Ain't that the truth.

You really got to sometimes put in some effort, and if that's calling your buddies even if they're on the other side of the country every couple of months, then so be it. Never fall into that deal where so and so hasn't talked to you in a long time, therefore they're no longer your friend because you haven't talked to them, just pick up the phone and make the effort.

I feel extremely blessed with the guys that I've been friends with forever 25 close to 30 years at this point. I've got my buddies from high school and college that the one thing we always do every year is having an annual get together. Basically getting Airbnb somewhere on a body of water so some of us can fish, typically has a pool I'm going to sit outside and play horseshoes and whatever, barbecue and get drunk, but we do it without fail every year. We just divide up the total cost of what it takes for everybody to get there and it ends up being maybe 200 - 250 bucks per person, that way guys that are having a fly from Maine or something aren't getting fucked on the cost or not wanting to come because it's that's more expensive for them.

That's all what you put into it though and maintaining those relationships. Yeah you might fade in and out with people, but surprisingly things like playing video games with your buddies even though they might be on the other side of the country really helps maintain that relationship because you're doing something together, can I guess that's why my wife doesn't care if I just say hey the boys are wanting to fire up a game on Saturday.

Would I rather be able to go out and fish every weekend with my friends, absolutely, but if I get to do it once or twice a year with a few of them, it's still a great time.
 
Kithani

Kithani

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Dr.Retarded said:
I feel extremely blessed with the guys that I've been friends with forever 25 close to 30 years at this point. I've got my buddies from high school and college that the one thing we always do every year is having an annual get together. Basically getting Airbnb somewhere on a body of water so some of us can fish, typically has a pool I'm going to sit outside and play horseshoes and whatever, barbecue and get drunk, but we do it without fail every year. We just divide up the total cost of what it takes for everybody to get there and it ends up being maybe 200 - 250 bucks per person, that way guys that are having a fly from Maine or something aren't getting fucked on the cost or not wanting to come because it's that's more expensive for them.
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I don't want to derail OP's thread too much but I'm getting to the stage where I'm trying to plan something like this. I'm curious if you have people submit receipts and then split the cost, or honor system? I have one or two (really one) friend who is a cheapass and we usually have to hold him accountable, lol
 
Dr.Retarded

Dr.Retarded

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Kithani said:
I don't want to derail OP's thread too much but I'm getting to the stage where I'm trying to plan something like this. I'm curious if you have people submit receipts and then split the cost, or honor system? I have one or two (really one) friend who is a cheapass and we usually have to hold him accountable, lol
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Yeah that's pretty much what we do. Everybody submits receipts or plane tickets or whatever. I cook a lot so I'll typically brainstorm with one of my other buddies and possibly pick up a bunch of food and load up my coolers, and then I'm on food detail all weekend. Whatever it gets rolled into our cost for everything .

That's not a big deal. Like I said it ends up averaging out to 200 250, especially if we do it during the off-season which has been the case for the past ample of years. Even when we don't have that many people which minimum is maybe eight of us show up versus 12 or 15, we don't have to feed as many people, and if we got confirmation prior to booking, will find a smaller joint.

Fucking Tri-Lams! We've always joked that we were a Lambda Lambda Lambda from revenge of the nerds. I think that's next year will be the Tri-Lams 20th anniversary.

I wholeheartedly encourage you to do what you can to go do an annual get together with your best buddies. It's whatever you fucking dude needs. Have a fun weekend with your friends, that way you don't murder your family or coworkers...👌🏻
 
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Mr_Bungle

Mr_Bungle

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FifiNono said:
Hey guys. Im a dude in my late 20s and have just come to the realization that I have like…3 friends. I am very outgoing and friendly at work and people seem to really enjoy being around me, but I never let people into my “circle” because I feel like mixing work and friends may get messy for whatever reason.

I dont do much besides work, hang out with my girlfriend, or hang out with my 3 friends.

Does anyone have recommendations on how to expand my circle of friends? Any events I should start going to? Classes I should start taking?
Click to expand...


As someone in the exact age bracket and is facing a similar dilemma, I would recommend signing up for some kind of creative workshop or group activity. This way you are guaranteed to meet people who share a base interest or want to improve themselves in some fassion. Pottery, glass blowing, bird watching, cooking class, airsoft/paintball, board game bar etc...

Now the mixing of work and inner circles is a legit concern, it can get messy. However, I suppose this is where we differ. I made some of the best friends I have had at my job. Hell, I helped one of them moved across the country and we still hang out because we have interests outside of our profession.
 
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Palum

Palum

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While I'm lucky enough to have a decent size friend group still from middle/high school, lots of us live dispersed by now so it's hard to do things regularly except with a couple of us who do live nearby on accident. I've tried to add a few locals but it's been hard because so many people are basically liberal faggots when it comes down to it.

The odd part is I've been friends with a few of these vaguely go-along-with-the-crowd "apolitical" people since being a kid so I just kind of roll my eyes and call them an idiot to their face. I don't have that same bond with random people though. All it takes is one thing about supporting LGBTQ and I've written them off.

So I completely understand how hard it is, because shit that used to just be common sense and basic Christian culture is now very rare. Doesn't matter what hobby either it seems, skiing, shooting range, game store, autocross track, etc. Unfortunately most of the churches near me are even worse as they all have the fag flag banner out front. I just can't associate at all with people who think you can just cut your dick off and be a woman, for example.
 
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Borzak

Borzak

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I am not a big friends person. Work self employed so I meet very few people that I would like to be friends with, it's more of a professional deal.

I have very few close friends. I know quite a few people but I don't really consider them friends. I met a lot of poeple when I flew giant scale R/C airplanes at their flying field. My close friends are people I met in college 30 years ago and we hunt and travel to different places a couple of times a year.

The last few women I've dated are all women I dated earlier in life that now have kids either in or out of college and things have changed. Yes, I'm old.
 
Hatorade

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Older I get the more I realize good friends are near impossible to make. I have three friends in my life I can count on and one is like 400 miles away.

That and having time to spend with said friends can be difficult. I say this to say 3 friends is a lot and making more will take away from the current ones. If you are in a stable location I would focus on strengthening your current group.

That all said; Mountain biking is a really good hobby with a ton of good people to meet. Can be as chill or as scary as you want it to be. Just don’t feel like you have to progress to more and more dangerous features to have fun. Finding flow is just as fun as big ass drops and gap jumps.
 
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