Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
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Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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I had divorces at ages 5, 13, and 18. My parents were seasoned divorce pros.
CadBro was it a peaceful divorce? Because even though I was just 5 there are some memories that are forever etched in my brain, like when my parents used me as a human wishbone on the front lawn over some dispute on who had custody that weekend. Good times..
CadBro was it a peaceful divorce? Because even though I was just 5 there are some memories that are forever etched in my brain, like when my parents used me as a human wishbone on the front lawn over some dispute on who had custody that weekend. Good times..
Cad
scientia potentia est
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No, it wasn't peaceful, and the stuff I remember are the custody battles, my dad basically kidnapping us when I was 10 and my mom having to call the Sheriff and them having a showdown in the front yard with guns drawn telling him to give us up... shit like that I remember.
But from when I was little? Don't remember anything. And from 10 (when I stopped seeing him) until 28 (when I saw him at my grandmothers funeral) I never saw my dad. So it was fine with me.
Nester
Vyemm Raider
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I agree, but its Khane so all bets are off. I am surprised he is acting RP after denouncing it so often in this thread.
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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I was with her almost 2 years when we were married. I was divorced in 2007, I remarried in 2010. I was with my first wife for 7 years before we got married and 6 months later she had an affair. I figured 2 years was long enough because waiting a long time sure as hell didn't give me any insight either.
Turns out I'm just bad at picking wives. I wont remarry after this.
If I recall the general outline she cut his hair and he asked her out. Pretty shortly after they started dating a condom ripped and she got knocked up. Surprisingly to most people on the boards they stuck together throughout the pregnancy (I want to say they were together maybe 3-6 mo at this point in time) and wound up getting married. I can't recall exactly when the emotional issues with her arose so I assume after the marriage.
Gavinmad
Mr. Poopybutthole
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Never say never.
See, empty condescending platitudes are infuriating aren't they? But srsly, don't rule it out. Maybe you'll have to go through a hundred chicks before you find one that isn't retarded, or maybe the next chick you date will be your soul mate and then your sole mate. Who the hell knows?
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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It doesn't really bother me I guess, but I see your point of view in it. I didn't disagree with you, just how you handled it.
And it's not about thinking I wont find someone worthy of remarrying, marriage just isn't worth it. It's all risk with no reward and a 100% chance of a headache and drama if you want out. There's no need to get married and barring I find a sugar mama who says I have to I order to get access to her millions, I just don't see it happening again.
But yes, never say never is also a very real thing too.
And it's not about thinking I wont find someone worthy of remarrying, marriage just isn't worth it. It's all risk with no reward and a 100% chance of a headache and drama if you want out. There's no need to get married and barring I find a sugar mama who says I have to I order to get access to her millions, I just don't see it happening again.
But yes, never say never is also a very real thing too.
chaos
Buzzfeed Editor
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Sorry to hear that bro. Yeah my wife and I were pretty much in the same boat as you. Things have improved a bit, when I was posting that stuff here we were at a low point. But I just pour myself into work, school, certs, and the kids lately. idk, I'm trying to make changes on my part that will hopefully make things better for the both of us. But I just can't battle with her mental shit, I don't want to be an insensitive prick but I don't have time for that. We have kids to raise, bills to pay, life plans to make. She has pretty much said that this is the rest of her life, she has no hope of getting better, she's just going to take the meds and stay miserable forever. So I go to work.
idk, I don't envy your position man. I really hope things go ok for you.
idk, I don't envy your position man. I really hope things go ok for you.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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Do you think this situation is better than if you divorce her and either be a single dad or marry someone else that doesn't make you miserable?
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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There's a question I've been asking myself over and over and over for the last year. It's only now beginning to get answered. It's harder than some of you think.
chaos
Buzzfeed Editor
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I'm not miserable. I'm not happy, for sure, but I'm not miserable. I've developed a bunch of habits surrounding this shit that I regret. I drink too much on the weekends. I sometimes find myself snapping at my kids. I gained a little weight. These are the things that bother me more than our lack of a sex life, her mental stuff, household chore stuff, etc. And that's the stuff I am trying to work on now in addition to the work stuff.
I can't imagine being a single dad, i don't want to. Ideally I just want her to give a fuck and see a goddamn therapist. But whatever, eyes forward right?
Cad
scientia potentia est
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Its a trick question anyway because you can't know if you'll be happier. It could be a horrible fucking idea. It's exactly like switching jobs. You go into the new job blind, in a lot of cases. But you make the best choice you can at the time.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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Be careful that you don't become the type of guy that she deserves just because you won't leave her. If you're going to stay out of altruism, then take care of yourself and your kids and be fucking chipper about it. If you're drinking at home and snapping at kids and gaining weight, then you're miserable. Take a good look and admit it. There's nothing fundamentally wrong with blowing up a marriage when you're trying your hardest and the other person can't or won't meet you halfway. You need to do what you have to do.
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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Not being happy is just as close to being miserable as not. That's something I've learned as well, though many days I am flat out miserable.
Ideally yes, but we both know realistically not so much.
Gavinmad
Mr. Poopybutthole
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I mean, I'm on pretty shaky ground when it comes to marriage advice, but I've talked to a lot of people about their relationships both good and bad, and I think I can be pretty objective. Also, as a basement dwelling forever alone permavirgin, I don't have baggage from my own previous relationships to taint my advice. So when it comes to academic knowledge of relationships, I'm basically a guru.
That being said, how bad do you think the drinking, snapping at your kids, and weight gain is going to be 2-3 years from now? Are you going to slip into an emotional funk because your wife's toxicity is poisoning you too? I can't speak from personal experience, but I have to believe that a divorce is better for children than a broken home is.