DickTrickle
Definitely NOT Furor Planedefiler
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Does that in any way contradict his post? I feel like you completely ignored his qualifying statements.
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
- Start date
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Cad
scientia potentia est
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Haha no argument there, but almost all the people I know have waited until 27-32 to get married, both have jobs, etc... so marriage is a great proposition for them, statistically speaking. I just wanted to point out that marriage isn't a 50/50 thing like it's commonly thought, anymore than I am likely to be incarcerated or shot on a streetcorner during a drug deal; have to consider what socio-economic group you belong to to understand those stats.
To decide if you're ready for marriage. Did you or did you consider backing Pantheon? If the answer is yes you have some growing up to do.
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I got married at 26, looking back it was a good age to marry. We both experienced life, had stable careers, places to live and we were both ready for that next step in life, which was marriage and children. We dated for a few years, she moved in within the first year, it was a no brainier, because she basically lived there anyway. It was a pain in the ass for her to go back home every morning to change for work.
On the bank account thing, we share ours. But she is not working much yet because she basically stayed at home with the kids. Now that they are older, 13 and 11, she is beginning to go and work again a few days a week. Her salary is a nice addition which basically pays for our vacations/extras. But she is very responsible with money. She is not one of those shopper wives that go to the mall every day and spend, spend, spend. there is a few dudes at work with separate accounts, but both of them have wives that are working full time careers like nurses, and both say that the wives are totally irresponsible when it comes to money, credit, shit like that. So in those instances I could see a separate account just for the sake of keeping your shit liquid and your credit score from plummeting. But to each their own. I honestly dont think its a trust issue in the way you guys are descrbing it, its more of a trust issue of her not spending all of your bill/savings money on shit you dont need.
On the bank account thing, we share ours. But she is not working much yet because she basically stayed at home with the kids. Now that they are older, 13 and 11, she is beginning to go and work again a few days a week. Her salary is a nice addition which basically pays for our vacations/extras. But she is very responsible with money. She is not one of those shopper wives that go to the mall every day and spend, spend, spend. there is a few dudes at work with separate accounts, but both of them have wives that are working full time careers like nurses, and both say that the wives are totally irresponsible when it comes to money, credit, shit like that. So in those instances I could see a separate account just for the sake of keeping your shit liquid and your credit score from plummeting. But to each their own. I honestly dont think its a trust issue in the way you guys are descrbing it, its more of a trust issue of her not spending all of your bill/savings money on shit you dont need.
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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It's like you're describing my marriage.
A little over a year ago my wife "couldn't get out of bed" for a week and lost her job. Her job was just too negative and hard on her mentally and emotionally until it put her in bed for a week. I get she processes things differently than most people but here's the skinny of it...if she isn't working, we can't pay for stuff (eventually) She lost her job (of course, because this wasn't the first time she had done it) and I ended up having to pull for my 401K to pay our mortgage. So now anytime she is "sick" I have to worry about if she'll pull the same thing again because depressed or not, I can't live a live where the other person will allow themselves to screw over their family.
Mine refuses to go talk to anyone either because all they do is "talk about things I should do, like I'm living my life the wrong way" .....well....yeah, that's sorta the point.
Our son we have together, we do the majority of things by ourselves. I can't tell you the last family holiday she attended with us....and it's HER family. She just lays in the room all the time watching Netflix or whatever else. Like I said before, If I'm going to live like a single father, I'll do it in an environment where I'm not walking on egg shells 24/7. Heck, just the other day she pulled up the "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego" theme song on her phone and I chuckled, she then got super man and said if I was going to judge her she'd just go in the bedroom, and stormed off and I didn't see her the rest of the night. At that point, I'm almost glad tit happens because I'd rather have that then a possible fight happen for the next 4 hours as she looks for things to be mad about.
This isn't to say she doesn't do some family things, she does...but it's not nearly enough. It's awesome when she's in the bedroom for 3 days and will come out and see me on the computer or my phone and try to complain that that's all I do, Nevermind the fact I just made her dinner and cleaned up the place for the evening. I just laugh at her anymore, audibly.
We're in the same boat bro, you need to realize it and start working on finding your life preserver like I am because no happiness will exist in the one we're in now. Fleeting moments don't count, we both know that. I bet you were like me and when she has 3 good days or so you are like "Well things are getting better..." and allow it to erase weeks worth of it, or whatever really messed up thing she had just done not to long ago...and then the process starts all over again. It's the only roller coaster in the world that's not fun, stop riding it, for your sake, and your daughters. You don't want them growing up thinking that's normal living.
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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This sounds like an utterly miserable situation for everyone involved. You need to embrace "The Power of Divorce".
Who do you think you're helping, by perpetuating this situation?
Cad
scientia potentia est
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I think there's people who spoil their own marriages though over pissing contests and then the spouses both end up treating each other like crap, neither willing to budge because "the other one is wrong." Those aren't shitty marriages, they're just shitty people who need to grow up.
With Tarrant and chaos here, it sounds like mental illness/genuine depression they are dealing with. I don't think there's really any help to that, and honestly life is too short to go through it putting up with that nonsense. I'd consult a member of my fine profession and try to salvage what you can of your lives.
moonarchia
The Scientific Shitlord
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It does, it shows that divorce is currently over 50% as of the most recent polling cycle. His qualifying statements mean very little given he's quoting an opinion piece from a psych journal site. I am quoting current CDC data from the government, who actually tracks marriage license issuance and divorce cases.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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So, you didn't read the article? The stats are obviously correct overall, but the article correctly points out that the stats are very different depending on qualifying factors, some of which I listed in my post.
moonarchia
The Scientific Shitlord
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Ok then, color me miscommunicated. You can massage the data sets all you want, but more than 50% of all marriages fail is what I originally stated that you replied to. Do they work better if both parties are more mature and have a stable income and mindset? Sure do! But... the overall rate of divorce is still over 50%. So Khane's advice to be cautious about finances going into a marriage is actually decent. Get that prenup. Don't commingle. Try to make it work. People are not into problem solving these days, and when things require hard work, patience, and understanding they tend to bail. If that shiny awesome person you married ends up being one of them, make life after marriage suck a lot less by being prepared.
Got married at 19. We make combined 190k pre-tax. Been married for 15 years and shared every dime.
