Chicago area

Xarpolis said:

I drove through there early July. Here's a story about my experience in Chicago that I posted on another forum that I frequent.



So I just returned back home (HI) after spending around 2 weeks in PA. I was planning on visiting my family, and a friend happened to have a wedding pop up around the same time frame. I was also in the market for a new (used) vehicle. So I flew from HI to Vegas, then Vegas to Detroit. Purchased a 2018 Chrysler Pacifica and drove it to PA.

On the morning of July 6th, I began driving the van out to Seattle so I can load it onto a Matson ship and send it out here. It cost $1,073.75 for the shipment.

Anyway, I spent the night of the 6th in Notre Dame at a small inn. They offered Toast (without butter) and Orange Juice as their continental breakfast. I ate/drank it, but was still hungry. Went to a rest stop and had a quick BK Sausage Egg & Cheese Croissant meal with OJ & Hash browns.

I used the restroom at the rest stop, then continued on my drive. Around 2 hours later, I'm in the Chicago area, and feel like I need to take a leak. No problem. Google maps shows that there's another rest stop ahead, but there was a lot of traffic right now. It was going to take another hour to get there. Whatever, I can wait.

As I'm driving, I feel a gurgle in my stomach, and have to clench my ass. Ut-oh... I look to my right and saw a sign that says Cabela's next right. Awesome! So I make the right and start headed toward Cabela's. Crisis Averted.

...I thought. As I'm headed that direction, I suddenly have to shit RIGHT NOW. I'm trying to get to Cabela's, which is just ahead, but I don't think I'm going to make it. I quickly turn right and into the parking lot for this Sears concert hall thing. As I'm climbing out of my van, my asshole opens up. I shit myself. Not just shit, though. It came out like Corn Chowder. My boxer briefs are ruined, and it also leaked into my shorts... Great. I'm standing alone in this parking lot and take off my shorts/boxers, and just drop the boxers onto the grass. I'm standing there with a T-Shirt on and that's it. Fortunately, I have all my luggage in the van, so I'm able to grab replacement shorts. But it's a fucking mess, and I still need to go to Cabela's so I can properly clean myself.

As I'm walking into Cabela's, I'm leaving little shit drips every few steps. It's fucking nasty, and dropping from the leg of my shorts. I walk into Cabela's, and fortunately, they had this family restroom right next to the front door, so I walk into there and lock the door behind me. Keep in mind, I've left a small trail of drops to the restroom. I spend probably 40 minutes in there going through an entire roll of paper towels trying to clean the yellow shit off my legs and everything. It smells bad, but no one else is able to get in, so that's a plus. After I finally finish cleaning, my asshole is feeling pretty raw, but I don't stink anymore. I'm holding a pair of bunched up soaking wet shorts and walked out of the restroom towards the checkout counter. My hands are dirty, so I didn't want to deal with anyone. At the checkout line, this lady gave me a few plastic bags. I dropped my shorts in one and tied it off to prevent smells from escaping. Then drove back over to the Sears concert venue and found my shit-covered underwear and tried to smear out what I could on the grass (there are already a family of flies that found the underwear), and then put it into a bag, then another bag, and finally a 3rd bag. That'll stop the smell while I continue on my ride.

I end the day in Sioux Falls at another hotel thing that had a special price. They actually have a laundry room! So I spend $2 total on laundry & soap and ruin one of their washing machines with uncleaned shit underwear, just so it doesn't stink up my return flight to Hawaii in a few days.

What a horrible day.

Spoiler: Map if you care

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