Yeah, I'm going to meet with the Estate Lawyer tomorrow, to be honest I'm doing this because of obligation though and I really am not feeling a lot for my mom right now.
I'm gonna talk about it because it might be cathartic.
So my Dad was married to my mom for 39 years, and they never divorced.
This isn't to say it was a good relationship, it was a terrible relationship.
At some point my mom became the dominant partner of the relationship, and my dad became desperate to simply maintain the marriage.
After that it was just a game to my mom as to how far she could push my dad, which turns out was pretty much as far as she could.
She would break shit, throw shit, throw tantrums, attempt to jump out of moving cars, attack him with knives (on several occasions) slicing him, scratch kick and bite him; all of this unprovoked. Throwing massive arguments over whatever condition she could. Trivial stuff, like the house not being clean enough, his relatives visiting on "short" notice, him not making dinner that she liked (he would come home from work, while she slept all day, and prepare dinner for her).
But because he would never leave her, she would continue to escalate it.
She essentially used my dad as a poison container for all of her emotional problems, and projected every issue she could onto him, because he let her.
My older brother, and even myself and my younger brother to an extent would do the same. Although, my older brother was by far and away the worst.
Eventually after my older brother attacked my father and my mom about 3 years ago (I have a post on it from back then), my mom went ahead and bought a property of her own behind my Dad's back.
Using her concern over her own safety (valid in this case), as an excuse to file for divorce (which she talked about doing for the last 30 odd years). Why a woman decides to get a divorce when she's 60 something years old....
Well as it turned out, my Dad had to hire his own divorce attorney, and apparently the outcome of the divorce would not have favored her. Which is good since although my mom earns decent money, she wasn't the one who paid the mortgage or the important utilities.
So the divorce was halted and my Dad was visiting my mom on a somewhat daily bases (from my understanding).
Around this time my older brother left the country, my younger brother had moved out to start his career, and I have been living on my own for the past decade.
Fast forward to Thursday morning, I get a message from his job which is concerned he hasn't come in (apparently he had taken Monday off already, but they expected him back on Tuesday).
So I hadn't talked to Dad in like two weeks, I had just moved into a new place and was honestly just very busy (Mom and Dad had just come down a few weeks ago to have dinner at the new place)
So I call my mom, who hasn't bothered to check on my Dad, or call any of her children to check on him, even though he was visiting her nearly every day up until that point and she hasn't seen him since Sunday.. (Sunday Morning, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday his work calls).
According to my mom they had gone shopping Saturday night, he slept over on her couch and left Sunday morning.
I call my older brother who, despite being a huge burden on my Dad, is generally always in contact with him. He hasn't talked to Dad since Friday night.
So now I know something is very wrong, and I rush to drive up (50 minute drive)
Well in the time it took me to drive there, my mom call's my younger brother (who only lives a few minutes away), who unfortunately arrives there before me, to find my poor father has died on the floor of our childhood home, and no one was there for him when it happened, and on top of that it had probably happened at least two days ago.
So there's the blame I feel toward my mom for not giving a fuck about the man who took care of her for the last 39 years, the blame I feel for my older brother for being the genesis that caused them to literally separate into two houses, the blame I have toward myself for not being as in touch with my Dad as I could have, and the fucked up feeling that this was my Dad's fault too, for letting himself be sucked dry by the energy vampires that are my mom and brother.
Had he divorced my mom decades back he'd probably be here today. But he didn't, and as consequence of constantly being my mother and older brother's punching bag he got worn down mentally, and he compounded this by not taking care of himself physically (eating a poor diet) which accelerated his decline. So I find that the whole situation is fucked and I feel so many emotions about it, but mostly I hate the idea that this poor man never got to retire, and never got to see his grand children, and now a very substantial amount of wealth will go to my mother, who treated him like shit their entire marriage.
