Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)
- Thread starter Shonuff
- Start date
-
Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Shonuff
Mr. Poopybutthole
- 5,538
- 791
Tuco
I got Tuco'd!
- 47,367
- 80,752
Void
BAU BAU
- 9,809
- 11,722
I enjoyed most all of the Batman movies, even the old ones. The Nolan ones in particular were really well done.
However, and this is going to be met with a lot of criticism I'm sure, but I'm not gonna lie; I hate the fucking Cult of Batman that has arisen in the past 10-20 years. I'm including the writers in this, not just the fans. I understand why they do it, but it drives me fucking nuts that he's the ultimate counter to everyone. Again, I get why they do it, but it has become pretty much his only function now. Superman gone crazy? Let's call Batman! Darkseid on the loose? No one can beat him except Batman!
Seriously, what would happen if even the lowly Aquaman just decided one day that he hated Batman? Or was mind-controlled to hate him even, let's say. Aquaman cozies up to Batman at a Justice League meeting and gives his good buddy an arm around the shoulders after a job well done defeating some bad guys. And then just squeezes and pops Batman's fucking head off. What sort of preparation is there for that? I suppose he would have some sort of brainwave monitor that lets him know Aquaman is acting wonky, right? Or maybe he just has a fake head and he has spent years mastering the hunched walk required to keep his real head down inside his breastplate, just in case this exact situation arose, right?
Sure laugh all you want, but who here can say with absolute certainty that the fake head thing wouldn't ever get used? Worse things have been used before, I'm sure. Because he's the goddamn Batman, and he would do that because he trusts no one. Hell, it probably is just a clone of him at all times anyway.
And that's not even taking into account if someone actually badass wanted him dead with no warning. Let's leave Superman out of this. If the Flash wants you dead, and you have no super powers to counter him, you're fucking dead. Between the time Flash decides to kill you, and the time in which you die, there is literally zero you can do about it. You'd have had to have activated whatever defense prior to Flash even making up his own mind. But I'm sure that the fucking Batman did it in time, somehow.
Fuck I hate comic book Batman!
However, and this is going to be met with a lot of criticism I'm sure, but I'm not gonna lie; I hate the fucking Cult of Batman that has arisen in the past 10-20 years. I'm including the writers in this, not just the fans. I understand why they do it, but it drives me fucking nuts that he's the ultimate counter to everyone. Again, I get why they do it, but it has become pretty much his only function now. Superman gone crazy? Let's call Batman! Darkseid on the loose? No one can beat him except Batman!
Seriously, what would happen if even the lowly Aquaman just decided one day that he hated Batman? Or was mind-controlled to hate him even, let's say. Aquaman cozies up to Batman at a Justice League meeting and gives his good buddy an arm around the shoulders after a job well done defeating some bad guys. And then just squeezes and pops Batman's fucking head off. What sort of preparation is there for that? I suppose he would have some sort of brainwave monitor that lets him know Aquaman is acting wonky, right? Or maybe he just has a fake head and he has spent years mastering the hunched walk required to keep his real head down inside his breastplate, just in case this exact situation arose, right?
Sure laugh all you want, but who here can say with absolute certainty that the fake head thing wouldn't ever get used? Worse things have been used before, I'm sure. Because he's the goddamn Batman, and he would do that because he trusts no one. Hell, it probably is just a clone of him at all times anyway.
And that's not even taking into account if someone actually badass wanted him dead with no warning. Let's leave Superman out of this. If the Flash wants you dead, and you have no super powers to counter him, you're fucking dead. Between the time Flash decides to kill you, and the time in which you die, there is literally zero you can do about it. You'd have had to have activated whatever defense prior to Flash even making up his own mind. But I'm sure that the fucking Batman did it in time, somehow.
Fuck I hate comic book Batman!
chthonic-anemos
bitchute.com/video/EvyOjOORbg5l/
- 8,606
- 27,289
Grimmlokk
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
- 12,190
- 133
Watch Justice League: Doom. Bad guys get a hold of Bats plans to neutralize all the Justice League and enact them. Fun stuff.
darkmiasma
Trakanon Raider
- 860
- 653
except that movie is awful and batman counters his counters because he's batman.
This is the best part of that movie:
This is the best part of that movie:
Void
BAU BAU
- 9,809
- 11,722
McCheese
SW: Sean, CW: Crone, GW: Wizardhawk
- 6,918
- 4,315
I kind of agree with everything you wrote, but what else can they do? The entire premise of having a regular guy hanging out with a bunch of demigods is just absurd, so they have to dosomethingto make him a valuable member of the team.
The Batman I like best is when he's generally disconnected from the other Justice League members and he does his own stuff against his own villains.
Seananigans
Honorary Shit-PhD
- 13,691
- 34,186
It's cause the Justice League sucks balls. The reason it doesn't work (and the Avengers does, at least the movie, I have little comic knowledge) is because Batman is the fucking Batman. In Avengers, they can have the "normals" do some normal shit and nobody cares, and it's fine. Who gives a shit if Black Widow and Hawkeye are relegated to killing the shit minions on the ground? That's fine, they're just dumb characters. And then the badass Avengers can go Hulking things up, and throwing lightning bolts, and flying around in a billion dollar mech suit, and whatever else. But you can't do that with the fucking Batman. If you have him bullshitting around with some minions while Supes and Flash and whomever else are duking it out with Darkseid or whatever other gay DC ultra-villain they're up against, then everyone's like "wtf, Batman!"
Justice League is gay.
Justice League is gay.
Shonuff
Mr. Poopybutthole
- 5,538
- 791
Have you ever read the comics? Batman has defeated Amazo (who has all of the powers of the JLA) inmeleecombat. In the DC Universe, super preparedness > all other powers. Not only that, Batman has been compared to Karate Kid, in terms of skill level. Karate Kid could stagger Superboy/SuperGirl with his Super Karate. Karate Kid is a class 15 martial artist, Superman compared Batman to him in terms of skill, and Superman fought both of them.
In short, go fuck yourself.
- 11,012
- 57,933
That's one of the gayest things I've ever read on this forum, and I just read a Tanoomba post a bit ago. They seriously named a comic character the Karate Kid?!? What's his weakness? A leg sweep?
Gotta agree with Seananigans, Justice League is lame.
Void
BAU BAU
- 9,809
- 11,722
Yeah, I'm just going to leave this right here as my #1 proof of why I can't stand the Cult of Batman. I don't begrudge anyone liking Batman, as I said I liked all the movies because it was just him. But just because someone chooses to write Batman defeating this guy, in hand-to-hand combat no less, who apparently has all the powers of Superman, Flash, Green Lantern, AND BATMAN HIMSELF, doesn't mean it is in any way realistic.
Seriously, if this Amazo guy has super preparedness too, how does he lose to a guy with none of the other powers? Even if you say Amazo can't have that because it isn't really a power, you still realize how ridiculous what you just posted is, right?