Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Bird Box (2018)
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
DirkDonkeyroot
Blackwing Lair Raider
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Apparently, Alex Jones has an opinion on this movie.
Video: Alex Jones To Release Secret Meaning of New Sandra Bullock Film “Bird Box”
Video: Alex Jones To Release Secret Meaning of New Sandra Bullock Film “Bird Box”
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Big Phoenix
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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An hour in and I see why people are blowing their load over this, it's reinforces every stereotype they believe.
Yeah this movie is retarded. Ol blindfolded Tom can drop two and a half people? Regains enough composure to john whick everyone else?
Usually having a 100% perfect character that does everything right and while having no negatives at all is usually considered shitty writing. Oh and said character is black. And of course all the cultist/crazies are white etc. typical leftist drivel.
How does the power stay on for long?
How does the water stay running for so long?
Why did the morons want to stay in the house instead of simply moving to the grocery store?
Why did no one listen to stereotypical white asshole after he was right again and again yet happily listened to and believe other characters(Tom) who where wrong over and over.
These movies want to take themselves so seriously and be so deep yet none of them contain the tiniest amount of common sense or logic.
Yeah this movie is retarded. Ol blindfolded Tom can drop two and a half people? Regains enough composure to john whick everyone else?
Usually having a 100% perfect character that does everything right and while having no negatives at all is usually considered shitty writing. Oh and said character is black. And of course all the cultist/crazies are white etc. typical leftist drivel.
How does the power stay on for long?
How does the water stay running for so long?
Why did the morons want to stay in the house instead of simply moving to the grocery store?
Why did no one listen to stereotypical white asshole after he was right again and again yet happily listened to and believe other characters(Tom) who where wrong over and over.
These movies want to take themselves so seriously and be so deep yet none of them contain the tiniest amount of common sense or logic.
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Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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My wife said in the book they lived next to a hydroelectric plant and that explained the electricity apparently.
Also the movie doesn't make it clear they're creatures which is another let down. Legit thought it was something in the air
Also the movie doesn't make it clear they're creatures which is another let down. Legit thought it was something in the air
Ambiturner
Ssraeszha Raider
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A lot of stories can be much better if they don't hold your hand through it. The problem with this movie is there just isn't any kind of plausible explanation for any of it if you try and dissect it and the "mystery" is just a bunch of gaping plot holes with no answers. The over the top, super diverse house was pretty cringeworthy and no way the black dude would have been all over pregnant Bullock when there was that hot hispanic chick there.
Thought it was ok.
GuardianX
Perpetually Pessimistic
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WARNING...talking full on spoilers without tags...
I was only able to stomach so much of it before I was just jogging through the movie at 5 second jumps.
Gay Wu character shows us that you can be possessed even by watching screens. That means ANY light that reaches your eyes has the ability to fuck you so a blindfold would do nothing since you could still see parts of "them", the only way that you could possibly stop them from effecting you would be to block all light, in their lore.
Then you add in the effect of "Bad Humans" and the story becomes just a joke from a "Lore" aspect. They have a broadcast of some dude saying "COME HERE!!" to anyone listening, do the writers really think that no bad humans would come as well as people seeking safety? In one area they had a group of random "Bad people" amplify that across the world and you are fucked because it would take ONE group of suicide "Bad people" to open the doors of wherever people are hiding or just break down a wall...do that enough times and you are done.
I didn't really care about them not listening to the one guy that everyone hated, every survival horror theme has that guy that basically foretells the fate of all and everyone tells to fuck off.
I laughed in "The Mist" in movie form because the one woman who was like, "Fuck all this I'm going to get my kids!" and everyone was telling her to stop...she is shown at the end of the film with her kids going by the car with the main character after he's allowed everyone to die around him. THAT was good imagery, you were a bitch all movie long and you played the beta, and the result is you get fucked. Have a little backbone and step up and you might come out alive with your dignity in-tact.
This movie? Nope, full on feels and SJW shit that doesn't make any fucking sense.
Shit hits the fan and Sandra is running preggers down the street. Lady comes out to save her and INSTANTLY sees something that is RIGHT INFRONT OF SANDRA...yet sandra doesn't see it?
Does it only effect you if you make direct eye contact? Seems like if that is the case you could use some shit tier glasses that turn things blurry but still allow some level of vision to basically negate the apocalypse BUT WAIT...Good Guy Gay Wu proves that seeing that shit on a video screen will fuck you.
Established that the apocalypse is polite and doesn't come in-doors because apparently the end of the world needs doors. Wait though, Demon god thing of racism (because only white people live from looking at it...) can kill you through TV screens. Doesn't that mean looking outside AT ALL is death? Also, what if you leave a window open can racist demon god thing come in then? What is the level of air barrier that the building needs in order to keep demon god of the racist white people OUT of the building? Apparently the place at the end of the film is safe in spite of the fact they have a MASSIVE glass enclosure.
TLDR:
This movie was a fucking joke, it wasn't scary and it was more cringey than introspective. Way to go Sandra, maybe you should have stayed retired...
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SO I was thinking. In my minds eye I kind of imagined the creatures as gaseous dark clouds that floated around and reflected your worse fears back to you. Gas, but maybe with a thin membrane shell, like a giant evil gelatinous cell so they could not just shrink through cracks and get inside houses.
At one point did not one of the guys say they unearthed one at a construction site? Also they first appeared in Siberia. Trapped in the permafrost but now because of evil global warming they have been released? (global warming caused by white industrial life??)
The earth being cursed because of humans is a age old biblical theme. That curse bubbling back up out of the earth and we go crazy when confronted with our own sin.
And whoever thought of the creatures effects on us obviously played illusionist Phantasmal Killer back in the day.
At one point did not one of the guys say they unearthed one at a construction site? Also they first appeared in Siberia. Trapped in the permafrost but now because of evil global warming they have been released? (global warming caused by white industrial life??)
The earth being cursed because of humans is a age old biblical theme. That curse bubbling back up out of the earth and we go crazy when confronted with our own sin.
And whoever thought of the creatures effects on us obviously played illusionist Phantasmal Killer back in the day.
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Ambiturner
Ssraeszha Raider
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The gay asian character's death was just there to solve the "Why not just use cameras??" loophole, so i see why they did it.
The psychos also seemed more interested in getting people to see the things vs just killing them outright so a building full of blind people might not be that appealing to them.
Movie makes some attempt to answer very basic questions, while just shrugging its shoulders at the inevitable follow ups.
GuardianX
Perpetually Pessimistic
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The first part doesn't make sense to me. The gun toting guys wife saw something that was directly in front of preggers McGee, why is it that she (preggers McGee) didn't go crazy? It's such a loose basis for the aspect of the movie.
In regards to the crazies trying to get people to look at the monster, the crazies could just camp out in the woods and then all attack people going to the sanctuary. I dunno, most of the time these stories are based on some level of suspension of disbelief but in this case it feels more like a case of bad writing. The ancient baddies are super bad and able to manipulate people's minds BUT they don't understand doors and can't set traps...
Ehhhh
Ambiturner
Ssraeszha Raider
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Of course it doesn't make sense, it's not a tightly written movie and is full of plot holes if you look 1 step beyond the explanations the movie gives. Some people can see beyond that and still enjoy a movie and some nit pick every little thing while everyone else rolls their eyes.
I completely agree with everyone saying the movie was just ok
Big Phoenix
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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If Im gonna be "turning my brain off" then there needs to be some good/witty dialogue or actions scenes or set pieces to make my dumber self enjoy what Im watching. If you want to appeal to my higher brain functions with character development and drama then you cant have an illogical story.
I liked that little touch to show John M character also hated gays, accept for the good ones like his neighbor.
Drinsic
privileged excrementlord
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The cameras make no goddamn sense at all though. Like he said, it's just pixels. At what resolution does it stop working? Would a solid gray screen still drive you insane as long as the camera is pointed at it lol? The fact that only certain people get affected (car scene in the beginning where Sarah Paulson sees one but Bullock doesn't) tells us the creatures target us. How the fuck do you target someone through a camera? Shit was extra retarded.
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Aldarion
Egg Nazi
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Yeah, I agree but this was way too far on the other end of the spectrum.
Take Primer for example. No one could accuse them of holding your hand. Watched it > 3 times and still have moments of confusion. But at the same time, no one can accuse Primer of not telling the story.
This movie was like watching the Sixth Sense but ending the movie a couple scenes before the kid reveals the twist. You're left with just "that was weird and there is no way to figure out what it was".
I complain, because I actually was enjoying this movie and was pissed off they didnt make even a tiny effort to explain.
GuardianX
Perpetually Pessimistic
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Now that I'm not on my phone.
In order to have a decent "Monster Movie" you have to have rules for the monster.
Dracula can't go out in the sun, must drink blood, cannot see his reflection...ect.
Zombies consume the flesh of the living, bite causes death / turning, can only be killed through destroying the brain..ect.
Some rules are concrete and others are situational like zombies sprinting or the varying degrees of pain / discomfort that garlic gives to Dracula. The MAIN point is that within those movies those situational differences are carried through the entire film such that if you see slow zombies in scene 1 through scene 30 you don't expect to see sprinting zombies in scene 50 unless there is a story driven element that occurs and changes the story. IF suddenly they DO start sprinting then the entire beginning of the movie carries no weight because why the fuck didn't the zombies sprint in scene 1 when the main character was 2 inches from being bitten but survives because the zombies were slow?
Suspension of disbelief is a huge thing and it's a little sad / telling that this movie is doing so well in-spite of it's glaring issues.
So it isn't "Nit Picking" a movie to ask things like, "Why wasn't the main character ever turned when everyone around her was turned for mundane reasons?"
Man this movie had potential too.
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Trying to think about it and the main thing I come up with is they REALLY wanted to hammer the SJWism stuff home and I think that honestly broke the movie. They only needed to get rid of the turned people (WHO JUST HAPPENED TO BE ALL WHITE) and I think the movie would have GENERALLY fared better, plot wise. The turned people alone bring too much of a wild-card to the table and you already have 2 wild-cards..humans who haven't turned and your "Mystery Evil". In an "End of the World" situation the worst shit you can imagine will likely come from other humans and not some random boogey-man type shit. You'd end up with shit like the walking dead showed us in some of it's better moments, Cannibalism, Tribalism, Pecking-order fights, or "Stress relief" in the form of Rape, Thunderdome fights, RNG kills.
Not saying that you can't divert from this method but at least make it coherent.
In order to have a decent "Monster Movie" you have to have rules for the monster.
Dracula can't go out in the sun, must drink blood, cannot see his reflection...ect.
Zombies consume the flesh of the living, bite causes death / turning, can only be killed through destroying the brain..ect.
Some rules are concrete and others are situational like zombies sprinting or the varying degrees of pain / discomfort that garlic gives to Dracula. The MAIN point is that within those movies those situational differences are carried through the entire film such that if you see slow zombies in scene 1 through scene 30 you don't expect to see sprinting zombies in scene 50 unless there is a story driven element that occurs and changes the story. IF suddenly they DO start sprinting then the entire beginning of the movie carries no weight because why the fuck didn't the zombies sprint in scene 1 when the main character was 2 inches from being bitten but survives because the zombies were slow?
Suspension of disbelief is a huge thing and it's a little sad / telling that this movie is doing so well in-spite of it's glaring issues.
So it isn't "Nit Picking" a movie to ask things like, "Why wasn't the main character ever turned when everyone around her was turned for mundane reasons?"
Man this movie had potential too.
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Trying to think about it and the main thing I come up with is they REALLY wanted to hammer the SJWism stuff home and I think that honestly broke the movie. They only needed to get rid of the turned people (WHO JUST HAPPENED TO BE ALL WHITE) and I think the movie would have GENERALLY fared better, plot wise. The turned people alone bring too much of a wild-card to the table and you already have 2 wild-cards..humans who haven't turned and your "Mystery Evil". In an "End of the World" situation the worst shit you can imagine will likely come from other humans and not some random boogey-man type shit. You'd end up with shit like the walking dead showed us in some of it's better moments, Cannibalism, Tribalism, Pecking-order fights, or "Stress relief" in the form of Rape, Thunderdome fights, RNG kills.
Not saying that you can't divert from this method but at least make it coherent.
Fadaar
That guy
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GuardianX
Perpetually Pessimistic
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Jack stumbles out of the magical cave with a serious injury, alone. Jack knows he's dying, he lies down and then the part that fucking made me tear up, the dog comes over and lays down next to him as he is bleeding out he lies down in a forest of bamboo and watches the plane carrying all his friends as it escapes from the island safely. He is alone after sacrificing everything to see to the safety of all the people that counted on him, he becomes a "Final sacrifice" of sorts and the dog is there as his companion in death.
Honest to god it was a terrible ending and the only reason I tear up every time I watch that is just the thought of doing so much for people and having no one there at your side when you finally go and then the fucking dog shows up, doesn't run off doesn't act all retarded looking for pets, it just lays down next to him and patiently waits for his passing.
Happy Birthday
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