Cat vs. Pelican
- Thread starter eXarc
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
The Dauntless One
Lord Nagafen Raider
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How about a Serval or Savannah? They can be domesticated...
EDIT: And the question is retarded. Why compare a wild animal to a domesticated variant? A wildcat is much more lethal because they have to hunt for food.
EDIT: And the question is retarded. Why compare a wild animal to a domesticated variant? A wildcat is much more lethal because they have to hunt for food.
JVIRUS
Golden Knight of the Realm
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A fucking daddy longlegs could NOT bit a cat OR a pelican.
Maybe in the 1/1000000 fucking chance it somehow, for some stupid reason either animal lets it bite their eyeball ( no chance but theoretically possible ) the cat would die but the pelican is resistant to such poisons, therefore
Pelican 3 Cat 0
Maybe in the 1/1000000 fucking chance it somehow, for some stupid reason either animal lets it bite their eyeball ( no chance but theoretically possible ) the cat would die but the pelican is resistant to such poisons, therefore
Pelican 3 Cat 0
Hatorade
A nice asshole.
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Melvin
Blackwing Lair Raider
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Hah, nice timing! I was just about to post a longer shot of that same incident. The pigeon struggles for at least a minute, and I guarantee that a house cat is going to put up a bigger fight than a pigeon (and do a hell of a lot more damage in the process too). It starts at ~3:09 in this video:
And I'm chalking that one up as a big-ol' +18 for cats (+1 for each claw). Cats actually haveweaponswith which to seal the deal. WTF is a pelican going to do to kill a cat, annoy it to death with pecks and flapping its wings? Pelicans got no finishing skills that can touch a cat. Pelicans are strong vs. fish, but not much else.
Cats 18, Pelicans 3
eXarc
Trakanon Raider
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Has anyone taken into account that Pelican is the name of a fucking amazing band?
Points up on the board there for sure.
Also, I think what you're mistaking as 'struggle' is what I like to call the Pelican Death Seizure. As soon as the majestic pelican gets any animal into it's jaws that is large enough to require more than one swift gulp, it does a vicious cock and lock seizure dance of it's neck and head as it violently maniuplates the entire animal down into it's fiery gulf of a belly. The cat may scratch it a couple times, but it gives literally zero fucks. As you can see in the video you posted above, they can barely even get more than 10% of their body outside of the pelican's mouth once they've been swallowed by the abyssmal depths. It's game over. Pelicans are made of steel.
Points up on the board there for sure.
Also, I think what you're mistaking as 'struggle' is what I like to call the Pelican Death Seizure. As soon as the majestic pelican gets any animal into it's jaws that is large enough to require more than one swift gulp, it does a vicious cock and lock seizure dance of it's neck and head as it violently maniuplates the entire animal down into it's fiery gulf of a belly. The cat may scratch it a couple times, but it gives literally zero fucks. As you can see in the video you posted above, they can barely even get more than 10% of their body outside of the pelican's mouth once they've been swallowed by the abyssmal depths. It's game over. Pelicans are made of steel.
eXarc
Trakanon Raider
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All I know is that this Lebanese fisherdude is making a huge mistake. He is going to wake up with cat viscera all over his seatport one morning and the pelican will be screaming around in circles in the air with blood dripping from it's beak and probably go crazy and kill the man himself too out of crazed bloodlust. I really feel bad for the guy.
eXarc
Trakanon Raider
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So far this is the only reasonable argument worth seeing through and fortunately for all of us I have the majority of the answers right here.
Number one, if a cat is stupid enough to be sleeping around a pelican, the pelican will simply have a non moving target for it to beakbomb into oblivion and after one huge shot to the fucking face of that idiotic sleeping cat, if it wakes up (IF) after that, the pelican will probably get another shot in and kill it swiftly before it can even begin to move around to defend itself. Never sleep around pelicans. Pelican would probably eat the cat's corpse, or some half alive mangled version of it - I just don't see the pelican NOT viciously fucking the cat up before it tries to eat it in any situation, ever.
Void
BAU BAU
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If you're going to compare giant ass pelicans to house cats, I get to use mine then. Nothing in the rules says it has to be an average house cat. My 29-lb cat would shred that flimsy gullet before any pelican could get his fat ass down into its stomach. Even with bone-crushing compression (which pelicans don't have), you aren't swallowing my cat unless you've got a massive deep-throat. According to some quick Googling, an adult pelican has a throat size of about 3 inches. His head is bigger than that, let alone his ass.
A pelican's only move is to swallow its prey. If it were known for stabbing and bleeding their foes to death over long periods of time, it might stand a chance. But given that it has to put the cat into that flimsy sack of flesh, and then wait about 3 weeks for it to die and then decay enough to fit into its stomach, any decent-sized cat easily claws its way out.
Cat victorious. Pelican dead, or at least incapable of feeding itself any longer with its pouch ripped apart.
A pelican's only move is to swallow its prey. If it were known for stabbing and bleeding their foes to death over long periods of time, it might stand a chance. But given that it has to put the cat into that flimsy sack of flesh, and then wait about 3 weeks for it to die and then decay enough to fit into its stomach, any decent-sized cat easily claws its way out.
Cat victorious. Pelican dead, or at least incapable of feeding itself any longer with its pouch ripped apart.
Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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Didn't see anything in the rules saying it had to be a housecat. Do you srsly think any pelican in the world can beat an average tiger? The fact that you have to compare your mightiest pelican warriors to the lowliest of the cat warriors to get a point, pretty much says all that needs to be said about this war. There was never a battle, just a slaughter. Never a war, just a genocide.
Have pelicans ever caused the extinction of any species? Because even the lowliest of the cat warriors have done that.
Have pelicans ever caused the extinction of any species? Because even the lowliest of the cat warriors have done that.
eXarc
Trakanon Raider
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OBJECTION!
I clearly stated all of the evidence before the court in the beginning of the war what are we working with here. Please refer back to the OP and examine Exhibit A.
Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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Overruled. You clearly showed one breed of pelican in Exhibit B and called it "standard wild pelican", then proceeded to use all types of pelicans in your arguments. All cats are therefore within scope. You would have done better to try and argue that a tiger isn't a cat.
So once again, how can you expect to compete when even the lowest of the cats have been responsible for the actual extinction of a species? Do pelicans kill for sport? In short, pelicans lack the eye of the tiger.
eXarc
Trakanon Raider
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Again, OBJECTION.
All the pelicans I used were different KINDS of pelicans but were all standardwildpelicans.
It clearly stateshousecat, not any kind of wild feline.
Therefore, a different kind ofhousecat is acceptable, as in arguing why a Siamese would be able to defend itself better than a stray mutt cat from the alley, however - it does not permit the acceptance of wild feline animals such as tigers, lions, etc. outside of the definition of 'housecat' to be admitted into the war.
I await your rebuttal.
Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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I think you are trying to draw a line that cannot be drawn. There is very little distinction between a housecat and a wild cat.
Also, you still haven't responded to my other points about the weakest of the cat species. What pelican commits genocide for sport?
Also, you still haven't responded to my other points about the weakest of the cat species. What pelican commits genocide for sport?
eXarc
Trakanon Raider
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Fuck man you're right, I can't even tell the difference.
Uhh to respond to your ridiculous claims of war crimes, I will have you re-examine the entire situation and scenario here. We're talking about a 1 on 1 fight. They are BOTH out for blood for one another, it's not like I'm saying a million pelicans are going around massacring thousands of helpless and crippled sleeping cats, WHO WOULD WIN THAT ONE LOL?
THIS IS REAL SHIT GET YOUR GODDAMN HEAD IN THE FUCKIN GAME I'M TIRED OF THIS AMATUER HOUR CAT VS. PELICAN TIME