Couples Swinging

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iannis

iannis

Musty Nester
31,351
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Erronius_sl said:
A couple I know got into swinging a bit and it sounded kind of hit and miss. They're both more open about sex than most but I still nearly choked when I'm at lunch with the wife and she tells me about it. I gather it was more the husbands idea and she told him she didn't have a problem with it, but it was obvious that it did. She spent about 6mo questioning herself and wondering if she was good enough for him. He was the one working, making good money so she could stay home and raise their child, but I think that kind of pushed her into feeling guilty and wanting to go back to school so she could work (as if somehow her husband's interest in swinging was somehow a result of her not being good enough /boggle). And to hear her talk, she never liked going to any of the get-togethers, which were at various homes as parties. She said she felt like a piece of meat and was creeped out, said the same thing when they went to some local club that she described as "smelling of desperation".

I think she started to question the marriage and there were a few uncomfortable moments between us. I think she has low self esteem even though she's very attractive in a nerd kind of way, and honestly if she wasn't married I'd pursue her pretty damned hard. But a couple times I felt like she was feeling me out so to speak, and I ended up making myself scarce for a while. Thankfully the woman they are friends with that got them into swinging got pregnant out of the blue (lol) and stopped swinging altogether, so that period of whatever the fuck it was is over and I haven't heard either of them bring it up at all since.

A couple of times I've been hanging at their place having a few beers in front of the house, and she'd point out some of the neighbors driving by that went to some of these parties. They pretty much all looked 30+ if not 40+, and not all that attractive. But there must be a ton more people swinging than I had ever thought, before this I thought it would be hella rare.
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This is pretty much how I imagine 95% of swinging to be. Just kinda sad. Not in a moralistic "you dun wrong, be ashamed" sort of way. No wrong. No shame. But just kinda sad.
 
L

Luvvie_sl

shitlord
2
0
My first dom started out swinging with his wife, and then they gave up and just became Open. His wife and I were friends, but she had no interest in me, or what D and I did. It REALLY depends on the couples.

I'd recommend Fetlife. You can meet the community where you are, find local munches, get tips, tricks, and advice. Handy site, IMO. I would NEVER recommend Craigslist. And always use a condom.
 
Erronius

Erronius

<WoW Guild Officer>
<Gold Donor>
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Iannis_sl said:
This is pretty much how I imagine 95% of swinging to be. Just kinda sad. Not in a moralistic "you dun wrong, be ashamed" sort of way. No wrong. No shame. But just kinda sad.
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Honestly, I've wondered if they could have kept swinging if she was more confident in herself and didn't take it as a sign (I'm guessing here) that there must be something wrong with her, or something she she wasn't doing, that was the root cause of her husband wanting to swing. As in,"It's my fault he's looking elsewhere and wanting to have sex with other women and not just me". On paper they're both cool with it and open, but for some reason she let her insecurities take over. I tried talking to her as a friend and told her that it wasn't her fault or anything similar, but she literally didn't get over it until it stopped.

I know another couple that doesn't swing per se, but it's definitely an open marriage and it is based around the husband. For several years I would meet women they were friends with, think"hey she's pretty cute"and ask them about the woman, and I'd get these weird looks and reactions that I couldn't figure out at the time. Eventually they straight up told me that his sex drive was out of control and his wife was not down for 24/7 sex, so she actually jokes about it within a small group of friends, and it turns out that these women were ones that they'd had over for the husband. In their case they have a whole set of rules (no actual friends, preferably strangers, mutual agreement on all of it, etc) and it seems to work and they're happy, so more power to them. And I wont lie, some of those women were pretty damned hot and I was impressed that he was able to juggle all of that and their relationship seems fine.
 
W

Wuyley_sl

shitlord
1,443
13
Erronius_sl said:
But there must be a ton more people swinging than I had ever thought, before this I thought it would be hella rare.
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For those of you out their at least semi-curious about this check outSwing Life Style.comThe woman and I have been talking to a bunch of people and most of them are "real" in that they are actual profiles and not a bot or fake profile looking to fish for info. The most important thing you can do to protect yourself is to never email them directly(usually a yahoo account) your real, unedited, pics. The website itself fucking sucks and from what I have noticed all active "legit" swinging websites had to have been coded in fucking 1999. Here is a million dollar idea for some of you code geeks out there. Make a slick website with ways to send pictures / edit on site, create groups that are user friendly and able to insert shit like links to websites, pictures, fucking google maps etc., and you will be BANKING once you get the clientele. My guess is you just make it free like PoF does to start in order to build up the base and then start charging for "premium" or just rely on ad revinue.

Off topic but how does one get people to make profiles on a site, of any kind, at first? Make fake accounts so it looks "populated" to start and then just phase out the fakes, get a core group of people to start and then just let word of mouth grow, or what?
 
D

driedcatnip

N00b
253
3
although i have no direct advice, chiming in to recommend dan savage's love/sex advice podcast. top of the show is ranty followed by caller's questions.
 
agripa

agripa

Molten Core Raider
603
589
I would not open this can of worms. It looks good on paper but the risk to ones relationship and health is much to high. There is also the offchance that you will end up a cuckold and your wife becomes a breeder to a big black man.
 
Itlan

Itlan

Blackwing Lair Raider
4,994
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Agripa_sl said:
I would not open this can of worms. It looks good on paper but the risk to ones relationship and health is much to high. There is also the offchance that you will end up a cuckold and your wife becomes a breeder to a big black man.
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My dream cum true!
 
Aaron

Aaron

Goonsquad Officer
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I wouldn't mind joining a sex club just to be one of those creepy dudes who sits by themselves (I'm single) and watches the others do funky shit. Now if only there was a sex club near me...
frown.png
 
BrutulTM

BrutulTM

Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.
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I don't think most swinger groups/parties takes single dudes. I don't know if you can just pick up some chick from an escort service and get in with her, but I think you have to bring some tits to the party to get in or these things would just be a big sausage festival.
 
Rime

Rime

<Donor>
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Most BDSM or Swinger clubs have very strict rules about single guys showing up. Single guys tend to be more aggressive and get a bad reputation in clubs, so most of them have a limit on how many are allowed in... though some have 'single guy' nights, which turn out to be 'sausage festivals'. If you bring a girl, your chances of getting in are much, much better.
 
Aaron

Aaron

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Yeah from what I've read most clubs have different rules, although almost all have some form of "single chicks always get in" except maybe exclusive couples nights, but most that I have seen (homepages, that is, I've never been to one in person) have nights when single dudes can get in. I always pictured it like they'd just stand and watch the couples banging, but now that you mention it I suppose it's easy for it to end up just a bunch of dudes staring at each other with a drink in one hand and their dicks in the other... This might be yet another case of reality turning out to be a far cry from the fantasy...
 
P

piggvomit_sl

shitlord
91
3
Even as a kid I didn't like others playing with my toys~ if you do swing no regrets broseph haha. Looks like you got a fine woman there and chances are if she swings and you guys don't want to do it anymore she might not stop and shit on your little heart. Just my thoughts of course
 
W

Wuyley_sl

shitlord
1,443
13
The girl and I actually went to a meet and greet that I set up with other younger couples that were attractive and we had a blast. I think like with anything else, it is more about who you do it with, then what you do. Everyone was professional and even if some couples didn't "play" afterwards they all said they had fun just hanging out with similar people.
 
T

The Master

Bronze Squire
2,084
2
wizarddeath_sl said:
Whats a munch? lol
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A munch is a get together, usually at a restaurant or bar or whatever, that anyone can come to just socialize and get to know each other. Most BDSM/Swinger/Whatever groups insist you come to at least a few munches before they'll invite you to participate in "play" parties.
 
M

MsBehavn_sl

has an outie
477
2
Vegetoee_sl said:
Lol.... I know couples that this happend to. Husband regrets pushing her to swing.
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I'm like 99% positive any girl that agrees to swing isn't pushed too hard... just playing difficult to avoid hurting feelings(potentially).

Either way, I understand open relationships 100%(everyone has needs and sex has zero to do with love/relationship imo) but swinging to ME has always been kinda weird... if it involves watching or in the same room etc. Like I know friends that have done swapping(dunno if that's swinging) but it's funny as shit when it involves twins, I'll say that much.
 
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