Damsel (2023)

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TomServo

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yes, I did leave out, she lets the dragon kill her father, when he comes to rescue her, after figuring out she was going to be sacrificed to the dragon. She finds magic worms in the dragons lair that heal all wounds. She beats the dragon, tanking dragon fire to the face, and stabbing it multiple times with girl power. uses magic worms to heal. does not heal her father. after beating the dragon, with its own fire. yes, the dragons fire bounces off a rock and burns the dragon to death. (she heals it with the magic worms, because women don't kill only men do.)
Then goes back to the kingdom and unleashes the dragon on the kingdom killing everyone.

the dragon is of course mad at the kingdom, and demanding tribute of 3 daughters/princes because, the previous king attacked and killed the dragons 3 eggs.
I hate you for making a compelling enough synopsis of this movie I had zero intention of watching. You brilliant mother fucker
 

Dr.Retarded

<Silver Donator>
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Now I wanna go through the Cannon backlog and dive into the camp.
I remember seeing American ninja in the movie theater, I think I even saw part 2, but three and four were all direct to video, but still fantastic movies.

Cannon really did put out a lot of fun stuff.
 
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Caliane

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I hate you for making a compelling enough synopsis of this movie I had zero intention of watching. You brilliant mother fucker
here save some time, Disparu's review. or drinkers posted previously by caughtcross.


disparu's here is longer, more thorough and pointing out some of the really stupid stuff Drinker skipped. like the 200ft fall, the strong diverse mom showing up with ayra stark knife wound out of nowhere.
 

Siliconemelons

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I just watched Sorceress the other day on amazon prime. I was considering making a post in the "rate what you've seen recently" thread.

1982 exploitation. jack hill direction. A cormin movie.
Lots of tits. A LOT of tits.
Absolutely good bad. Terrible acting. Terrible fight chorography. lots of tits.
An absurd plot. Twin girls raised isolated from people as boys, who don't know what boys are. "what is this thing called sex?"

the best part of that intro was “we are going to have to tell them soon they are girls… they are getting older… oh never mind the bad thing happened so we don’t have to!”
 

spronk

FPS noob
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I just watched Sorceress the other day on amazon prime. I was considering making a post in the "rate what you've seen recently" thread.

1982 exploitation. jack hill direction. A cormin movie.
Lots of tits. A LOT of tits.
Absolutely good bad. Terrible acting. Terrible fight chorography. lots of tits.
An absurd plot. Twin girls raised isolated from people as boys, who don't know what boys are. "what is this thing called sex?"

holy shit it has a monkey with a fucking axe

iF1aEri[1].jpeg
 
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Chanur

Shit Posting Professional
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I just watched Sorceress the other day on amazon prime. I was considering making a post in the "rate what you've seen recently" thread.

1982 exploitation. jack hill direction. A cormin movie.
Lots of tits. A LOT of tits.
Absolutely good bad. Terrible acting. Terrible fight chorography. lots of tits.
An absurd plot. Twin girls raised isolated from people as boys, who don't know what boys are. "what is this thing called sex?"
Roger Corman always delivers tits and or gore. The man is a movie God. Caught the end of Dethstalker last night.
 
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Aldarion

Egg Nazi
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FML. My wife has terrible taste in movies. Last night she wanted to finish this. I was like fuckit, it can't be as bad the alternatives she suggested.

It was worse than I imagined. The summaries early in this thread about girl power magic are spot on, but those summaries were far more entertaining and enjoyable than actually watching it play it. I'm lying there going fuck, why can't I just fall asleep? But my brain is a raging asshole and decided I needed to stay awake all the way to the credits. Fuck my brain, fuck my life, and fuck this movie.

I figured someone should get some enjoyment out of it, so thought I'd share it with yall so you can at least have some schadenfreude.
 
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Caliane

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Sad that 3 is really only available in the mst3k version

also…


Shit like this man. its why these were so good.

Set design is both crap, and fantastic as the same time. ornte and colorful. look at the dwarf's outfit.
modern fantasty/medieval is just brown, brown, brown. leather straps on the arms for no fucking reason.

I fuckin wish we had a modern revival of sword and sorcery, with modern budgets, cgi, etc. witcher, dnd, sofai, etc.. we SHOULD be having one, but aren't. "the message" destroying any that even had a chance. witcher, willow, wheel of time.

red sonja is going to be trash.
 
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Siliconemelons

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Every deathstalker was just warrior gathering tourney it’s not complicated - but each have their own little magic to em lol
 
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Siliconemelons

Naxxramas 1.0 Raider
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Pretty sure that's a Golden Axe song being played. Made me immediately think of it anyway.

it is the theme of the movie it is played throughout - in different variations - this today would be seen as a 4th wall break nod as the dwarf is playing the movies theme song, in the movie to a character in the move who then complains he does not know another song - as the soundtracks to b movies are usually limited lol

wild arms main theme is a rip off of the good the bad the ugly I believe- but it’s still awesome

 
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moonarchia

The Scientific Shitlord
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Sure sounds like it.
<tweety>It is! It is Peter Cullen in that trailer!</tweety>

Also TIL Optimus Prime is 82.

 

Animosity

Silver Baronet of the Realm
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This was a lot better than I expected it to be based on the reviews and the trailer. Besides Millie just screaming half the movie and the bad plot holes, it was a fun watch. The CGI was good and the dragon was cool. Popcorn flick obviously made for young girls by someone written by some Daenerys fanboy.
 
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