Depression

Oh, found out today that my high blood pressure is probably a DQ for my upcoming EMT course, and I have a heart murmur. Going in tomorrow for an ectocardiogram. Seriously, fuck you world. I don't do drugs or drink. I trained kickboxing everyday for over 2 fucking hours. I can run for literally forever. I eat super fucking clean.

Oh well, depending on the outcome of the cardiogram, I may end up buying the car I really want, 05 GTO. 25 years old, and I may have to end up with open heart surgery depending on the results. So basically my heart is going totally fail around 40-60 years old. In the Marine Corps, I always thought I would die in combat. Now I might die from this shit.

Well. Clinical depression can have the effect equivalent to cerebral tissue damage - your brain literally shrinks, in certain areas, if depression is left untreated for extended periods. Only specific parts of the total cerebral tissue has enabled regenerative capabilities for dead or severely damaged neurons. Some forms of pharma can, depending on impact, normalize or up regulate existing neuronal activity - synapses, receptor-ligand activation etc - to compensate. The sooner the treatment, the better the prognosis. Hence some might need life long medication, where others can make due with shorter duration or not at all. Putting all cases of depression in one basket and suggestion a mono treatment, like cardio, is naive and grossly underestimate the complexity of the brain.

I usually argue people would get help if they had a cavity - why should your brain get worse treatment than your teeth? Because it's harder to see, granted. Your brain deserves better imho.

This is why I initially would suggest: See a physician. Together agree on a course of action, a treatment plan. The sooner, the better. Neither pharma nor counseling can stand alone for optimal results.

I have the impression you, Trollface, are already in treatment, yes? That would put you in a different category. Are you looking for salvation / complete recovery? I cannot tell you based on forum chat if that is the case for you - that would require extensive evaluation by a specialist.

kidRiot_sl said:

Oh, found out today that my high blood pressure is probably a DQ for my upcoming EMT course, and I have a heart murmur. Going in tomorrow for an ectocardiogram. Seriously, fuck you world. I don't do drugs or drink. I trained kickboxing everyday for over 2 fucking hours. I can run for literally forever. I eat super fucking clean.

Oh well, depending on the outcome of the cardiogram, I may end up buying the car I really want, 05 GTO. 25 years old, and I may have to end up with open heart surgery depending on the results. So basically my heart is going totally fail around 40-60 years old. In the Marine Corps, I always thought I would die in combat. Now I might die from this shit.

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Take a chill pill. Literally. Beta blockers, depending on your medical history, heart condition specifically, and current pharma intake (interactions etc) might be a simple solution. If you have asthma other options exist (beta blockers are a no-no in this case due to receptor overlap). Really, you're not doomed in any way. Yet, anyway.

Trollface_sl said:

I am under a drug plan, but nothing more than that. I've been like this since I was a kid.

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There are numerous variations to this. I don't know you specific diagnosis. If you feel it's going nowhere, then have a candid talk with the prescriber of your drugs - or a 2nd opinion. It couldn't hurt. I've yet to meet a physician, whom cares for his patients, not admit being in the wrong - or there being room for improvement to some degree.

Knowledge, aetiology, of a your specific challenge can be detrimental to your spirit and at the same time it might help you cope better. It that regard it's central to point out it might not even be relevant - one would need much more data on you, counseling and extensive medical records.

Self preservation is key here. Look out for cats if you are indeed a mouse

That does sound a bit sketchy. The time frames you specify makes me think of this due:

I don't really know how mental health is prioritized in Canada - or if it varies inter-province. I honestly thought Canada was superior in the sense health care is offered to everyone. I realize this might not translate to 'good care' for the individual with American glasses on. What's your take on this?

I any case, it's impressive you manage to study and cope to whatever degree with said challenge. I'd wear that as a badge of honor it it was me.

I had a tough time with depression. Suicidal thoughts were a chore to defeat. Logic in the end won. One day I realized bodily that "Feeling bad feels bad, so feel good instead." That was my mantra. I took control of myself. The thoughts would return throughout the years, but I overcame each time. Doing good is often justified on multiple fronts. As I got better at being good, reasons to be bad faded and lacked conviction.

The things in life that seem the toughest are perhaps due to viewing them with permanence. Depression is most effective when paired with helplessness (and hopelessness).

I have created a logic-based spirituality that pretty much undoes all my depression oppression. However, don't fool yourself: Treat depression with respect. It's not your master; it doesn't have to be, but it is powerful. Depression has a function and it will bend those to that function. Realize it is not you, but the depression itself. Things are perhaps only wrong when they are doing things they aren't supposed to. Depression is doing what it does. You don't have to follow. It is a force, that's all. It is abstract. Anything that is abstract can be overcame, because, in a sense, it isn't real.

Trollface_sl said:

access is difficult, especially for a rural town like mine.

lingering thought is the worst of all though....oh man......can't live a life like this forever...

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I understand then. I assume moving is not an option.
As to lingering thought in depression, cognitive therapy is strongly recommended to complement pharma. Coping skills can improve, Mr. Mouse

I'm not religious, but counting your blessings is a good thing - see the positive, emphasize it, don't let the negative rule you. You do have a say in this. A psychologist, imho, is an expert in coping mechanisms like this, hence my respect for them. They lack the pharma approach though - that they get from psychiatrists currently. Nothing new, just an observation.

There's a book called practicing the power of now. The jist is to observe your thoughts.

Hanging out at the VFW? Talk to people with more problems than your own, get out of your own head. Pardon if my vernacular is off, I'm not a vet so I don't know what the place is called.