Dumb shit you do to your wife or husband

Nothing makes me jizz like a good nipple squeeze during sex. Would never touch man nipples though.

Another good one is to tell them they have a booger in their nose and then watch them pick their nose, looking at you, trying to get it. Same works for teeth-- with that one I like to say he still doesn't have it, until he gets up and looks in the mirror.

Also, complete their sentences for them with endings you knew they weren't going for, then be the hero and forgive them/stick up for them. Example: *ahem* he says "I've had waist cramps all day and--" "that's why nothing got done? I'm sorry baby, those are the worst". Or "I got this phone call today and--" "that's why you're in such a bad mood? I knew something was up. What happened?" Or "So today the Indians--" "I know, I heard everyone is saying what a horrible team they are. True fans know best."

Sometimes I troll myself with that one though: "This girl requested to be my FB friend today and--" "Who the fuck is she?"

lurkingdirk said:

Why do you fear erect male nipples? Tell me about your father.

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He emigrated to the states in his teens, and did construction/masonry/infrastructure work for about 15 years. Became a lift operator/engineer. He's retiring this spring. He likes gardening, stereo systems, cooking, herbal remedies, and Uma Thurman. We used to hike and take trips to do off-resort glade and bowl skiing. He took me to go see Radiohead and Muse when I was a kid. He's the coolest guy I know. And no, I didn't fuck him. Can't recall ever grabbing his nipples either. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Dookiefart said:

Stick my finger in her mouth while she is yawning, sometimes interrupting a yawn can trigger a series of yawn attempts that are also interrupted with fingers in the mouth hole.

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I do this all the time.

I make her play a healer.