Engagement rings

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Tuco

I got Tuco'd!
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I think that's a fucked up expectation. Why exactly do you feel her family owes your money?
Owing money is one thing, but yeah, under typical circumstances if your daughter is getting married you're responsible for either paying for the wedding or admitting you can't for whatever reason.
 

Tenks

Bronze Knight of the Realm
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Isn't it more modern for couples to just pay for everything? I know quite a few people who did that. It seems odd to me that in this day and age you still expect your parents to just give you money for your party.
 

OneofOne

Silver Baronet of the Realm
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And just like diamond rings costing 2 month's salary, perhaps it's a shitty tradition that doesn't need continuing, or, do you think we should still be offering up a bride price too? Just because something is "tradition" doesn't make it a good idea. Frankly all I see is someone looking to take advantage of their wife's parents. Them offering and him accepting is one thing, expecting it is another.
 

Bergraven_sl

shitlord
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My advice is don't expect anything at all. Just plan for covering the wedding yourselves and plan for what you can afford. If parents/family/friends decide to pitch in to help, then even better. By the time you get married, you should have an idea of what to expect when it comes to that area. I know I didn't expect much from her side of the family (or mine for that matter) and thus far, I've been rather suprised at the generosity of compensation from both sides which gives us more room to play with details. If you're really into who pays for what traditionally, here is a decent breakdownhttp://www.life123.com/relationships...bilities.shtml

I always assumed traditional breakdown was for really young couples who were just starting out, maybe fresh out of college who don't have solid careers in place and financial stability. I would assume that the older you get, the less responsibility is thrown on the family and more is expected from the bride/groom. All couples are different and all parents are different. So nothing is set in stone.
 

Heylel

Trakanon Raider
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And just like diamond rings costing 2 month's salary, perhaps it's a shitty tradition that doesn't need continuing, or, do you think we should still be offering up a bride price too? Just because something is "tradition" doesn't make it a good idea. Frankly all I see is someone looking to take advantage of their wife's parents. Them offering and him accepting is one thing, expecting it is another.
I'd never demand anything, but I don't think "expectation" is too strong a word when dealing with customs. We'll make it work no matter what, but I'm not going to turn down help if it's offered. That being said, there's a certain advantage to doing everything ourselves and not being beholden to other people's terms for things like location, type of ceremony, alcohol at the reception etc. (But it never works out that way, because the family always get a say.)
 

Falstaff

Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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The custom is that the bride's family pays for the wedding, and the groom's family pays for the reception..
The wedding costs fuck all. The reception is where you pay an arm and a leg... so by that logic, glad I'm having a daughter because I will hardly have to pay for anything in 25 years.
 

Vinen

God is dead
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These customs are retarded and out-dated.
Groom and Bride should pay for the weddings and the parents should be left out of it.
This is what my fiance and are doing with our... /slitneck 30K wedding.
That said, I think about 1K of that is the wedding. As others have stated before... rest is reception.
 

Draegan_sl

2 Minutes Hate
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The wedding costs fuck all. The reception is where you pay an arm and a leg... so by that logic, glad I'm having a daughter because I will hardly have to pay for anything in 25 years.
That reaaaaally depends. But I guess it's a sense of scale, if your ceremony is expensive, your receptions is probably more expensive. For example, if you want to get married somewhere special, that should could be crazy expensive to rent. I mean it is possible to buy a $10,000 dress.

But yeah you're right 90% of the time.
 
698
0
These customs are retarded and out-dated.
Groom and Bride should pay for the weddings and the parents should be left out of it.
This is what my fiance and are doing with our... /slitneck 30K wedding.
That said, I think about 1K of that is the wedding. As others have stated before... rest is reception.
Exactly this.
 

Falstaff

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That reaaaaally depends. But I guess it's a sense of scale, if your ceremony is expensive, your receptions is probably more expensive. For example, if you want to get married somewhere special, that should could be crazy expensive to rent. I mean it is possible to buy a $10,000 dress.

But yeah you're right 90% of the time.
You are right. I wasn't factoring in costs of the dress and tux rental to the "wedding", as well as photographer and whatever else is part of the ceremony.

But if you get married at a church it shouldn't cost much at all. We got married at the oldest Catholic Church in Chicago, a place where crazy ass women book weddings 3 years in advance, and I think the charge was like a $500 donation to the church + a stipend to the priest, which was like $100 (we gave more because he was good friends with my wife's late father).
 

lindz

#DDs
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It really depends on when you get married though. Traditions are changing as the average age to get married is later. Father of the bride paying for the wedding HAD to be the norm when the couple was 18 and getting married. Now as we are seeing people closer to 30 (something like 28 for American), they understand something about money and we are seeing the types of rings and weddings change.

My parents and my husband's parents paid for our wedding. We were both in college and they offered. Had it been these days, I'm sure they would have helped but ultimately said 'you're on your own' which I would completely agree with.
 

Draegan_sl

2 Minutes Hate
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I find that, unless you come from a very very traditional family, then more and more parents are giving their kids like a few thousand bucks to help but that's about it. That's assuming that your parents aren't filthy rich either.
 

Joeboo

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This probably won't be a very popular sentiment...but if you can't pay for your own wedding, you shouldn't get married. There is no reason that two broke 18 year olds with no education or decent jobs should get married and have their parents waste 10s of thousands of dollars on it. Money problems/arguments are one of the biggest factors for divorce. If you aren't financially stable before you get married, marriage won't solve that problem.
 

Draegan_sl

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This probably won't be a very popular sentiment...but if you can't pay for your own wedding, you shouldn't get married. There is no reason that two broke 18 year olds with no education or decent jobs should get married and have their parents waste 10s of thousands of dollars on it. Money problems/arguments are one of the biggest factors for divorce. If you aren't financially stable before you get married, marriage won't solve that problem.
That is shitty and awful advice. If you love your fiancee and you truly want to spend the rest of your lives together, then get married. Simple as that. Spend the rest of your life in happiness.

Getting married doesn't mean you have to throw a big ass party and ceremony.
 

TomServo

<Bronze Donator>
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Get married at a court house and save money. Only retards waste money throwing a party for their ungrateful family members who probably talk shit about them. Aside if the father of the bride pays for the wedding Chaos is going to die in a debtors prison.
 

lindz

#DDs
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This probably won't be a very popular sentiment...but if you can't pay for your own wedding, you shouldn't get married. There is no reason that two broke 18 year olds with no education or decent jobs should get married and have their parents waste 10s of thousands of dollars on it. Money problems/arguments are one of the biggest factors for divorce. If you aren't financially stable before you get married, marriage won't solve that problem.
If you don't get married because it doesn't make sense financially, I guess you're never planning on having kids. They are a total money sink.
 

Tuco

I got Tuco'd!
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That is shitty and awful advice. If you love your fiancee and you truly want to spend the rest of your lives together, then get married. Simple as that. Spend the rest of your life in happiness.

Getting married doesn't mean you have to throw a big ass party and ceremony.
I think I'm in the middle of you two. I'd say,

"If you're young and dumb and have no financial means be very careful about getting married noob."
"If you don't have a lot of money and want to get married, either wait until you have more money or drop your hopes of a big wedding/reception/honeymoon unless daddy will pay for it."

Life is so complex it's hard to create hard and fast rules but the way I see it you're going to be married for decades so there's no rush to get there. Way too many marriages start off in a pile of shit because the couple rushes before their finances are in order.