Funniest thing a girl has ever said to you in bed?

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a_skeleton_01

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"I'm going to seize the means of production, comrade"

It was after PAX and she was dressed as the soviet soldier woman from Red Alert 3. I needed a good 5 minutes to get back into it because it was so absurd.

red-alert-3-Premier_PC_US.jpg
 
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Gavinmad

Gavinmad

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trex said:
Hardly. I'm sure my cervix is permanently damaged and I got a weird feeling in my stomach like it was going to come out my mouth. Still, major loser thing to say.
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Did he say it in a douchey way or something? Because if a guy was cursed with a woman-wrecker pecker, I'd think it was polite to warn you that you might up with cervix damage. I have cervical arthritis so I know a lot about cervix pain.
 
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Hoss

Hoss

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That's why it hurts when you hit it with your dick.

I know I've had some ridiculous shit said to me in the sack because I love laughing during sex. But damned if I can remember any of them.
 
Gavinmad

Gavinmad

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Evernothing said:
I didn't know the cervix was a joint. Thanks for clearing that up.
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Twas a joke bro. Cervical arthritis means the vertebrae in your neck, I just like to joke about it involving the cervix. Which I don't have because I was born an apache attack helicopter.
 
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trex

trex

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Twilight Sparkle said:
Did he say it in a douchey way or something? Because if a guy was cursed with a woman-wrecker pecker, I'd think it was polite to warn you that you might up with cervix damage. I have cervical arthritis so I know a lot about cervix pain.
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Yeah and he kept saying it over and over. It was like, okay, let's get this over with. I clearly only have sex with winners.

Like what if I was about to get down with some fat, ugly 30 year old virgin and was like, "look. My body is banging and I know what I'm doing. I doubt you'll last more than 10 seconds. Just sit back and enjoy this while it lasts. No seriously. I'm really good. I'll try and go slow to give you a chance, but even my c-game is amazing."

I have eyes, I could have seen it was big. I thought it was douchey to point it out himself.
 
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Morsakin

Morsakin

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Toss up between:

"This ain't about romance, son"
"Blood for the Blood God" while fucking her on her period.
 
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Genjiro

Genjiro

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Once our dog ran into the room while I was standing up and pounding her on the edge of the bed missionary -- dog jumped up and started trying to lick all up in there. Dog was going absolutely apeshit, this dog loved her panties and I guess this was fucking heaven -- she (the dog) had this look in her eyes that looked almost crazy.

I wanted to bust my nut so I was trying to shove the dog away but she just kept coming back and then my girlfriend just started laughing hysterically, then it became contagious and we just had to stop because we were both dying laughing.
 
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zombiewizardhawk

zombiewizardhawk

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trex said:
Yeah and he kept saying it over and over. It was like, okay, let's get this over with. I clearly only have sex with winners.

Like what if I was about to get down with some fat, ugly 30 year old virgin and was like, "look. My body is banging and I know what I'm doing. I doubt you'll last more than 10 seconds. Just sit back and enjoy this while it lasts. No seriously. I'm really good. I'll try and go slow to give you a chance, but even my c-game is amazing."
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Why would you lie to a fat ugly virgin? You don't think he has enough self esteem issues, he needs people to treat him like he's an idiot too?
 
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Rhanyn

Rhanyn

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My ex got me a Great Dane puppy for my birthday named Duke. We went upstairs to my room for the rest of my presents and took the dog with us, so he wouldn't destroy anything or piss off my room mates. Boots start knocking, missionary goodness until about half way through the dog licks me from my ball sack to the small of my back in one giant drooling slurp. My ex exclaimed, "holy shit did the dog just toss your salad!?", but I was too stunned to answer her. I couldn't do anything, I was paralyzed.... until he went in for seconds while she was dying laughing. The noise I made apparently worried my room mates, they came up and immediately started pounding on my door asking if everything was okay.
 
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