Generalized family drama

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Chanur

Chanur

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TJT said:
Of my three siblings two are idiots. I don't hate being around them but they get progressively worse year over year. These two have never had jobs beyond waitressing, ever. Today they both waitress part time and one of them sells shit on Etsy or some nonsense. They both live off of state benefits and my mother's inability to make them homeless which I can generally understand. They live at our childhood home. My two sisters, their combined five kids, and their boyfriends.

Given that our childhood home is a 1950s style house that's a 3/2 and maybe 1000SQFT they aren't living it up and haven't really repaired anything because they never had any money. My mom replaced the roof and some other stuff and pays all of their utilities and everything because they are broke idiots. They just orbit my mom and raid her house for food whenever they can. I don't live anywhere near this so its not like a day to day problem. But my other sister does and she's wanting to move out here to Texas because its getting annoying for her there.

That sister and her kids visiting me and mine a few months ago. Then I found out the youngest sister came out to Texas on my mom's dime to visit her boyfriend's mother. This one asked her why she never bothered to say anything to me because the boyfriend's mom lives outside of San Anton. She's been to my house before but she tells the other sister that coming here makes her feel like a loser so she didn't want to. Which was lol to me.

I see no good way out of this because they are vultures just waiting around to feast whenever my Mom happens to pass away. I try to just ignore it and worry about my own life. I'll be out there visiting them this next week as I like my kids hanging out with their cousins who are all young and mostly not shitheads. Time will tell if they remain that way.

One of those things I find fascinating. All 4 of us grew up in the same house to the same parents. We went to the same schools and had generally the same opportunities. Nonetheless the success rate was 50%.
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Man sounds like your mom needs to tough love those two sisters. I've got two brothers, one that's a big fuck up and one that's got problems that kind of makes him a fuck up at times. I love them both but don't live near them. They thankfully don't love with my parents either.
 
C

Captain Suave

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
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Cad said:
We don't do gifts in our family. Wife and I have never bought each other gifts, it's silly, it's our fucking money. Our kids have everything they need.

It takes a little bit of getting over the shame but just stop, say I don't do gifts, get over it, and move on.
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I'm pretty much at this level. We're a combination of well-to-do enough and stingy enough that we've already got basically everything we realistically want and gifts beyond that tend to be bullshit that just clutters up the house. My kids (9, 13) read a shitload of books, which I will source for them in infinite quantity on principle. Beyond that they get my hand-me-down PCs that we game together on. We've made a point of not having cable TV in the house so we've avoided most of the normal corporate consumerism.

We tried for a few years to make Christmas gfits more of a "thing" for the purpose building traditions, but we ended up just looking at each other going, "Do you want anything? I dunno what I want?" Now we just take turns cooking each other's favorite meals and hanging out. Works great, with the added benefit of my kids being the only ones in their entire peer cohort that understand how food comes to exist.
 
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Kithani

Kithani

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zzeris said:
She raised both her daughters to be trash and it would take 5-6 pages to describe all of it.
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bored waiting GIF
 
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TJT

TJT

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Chanur said:
Man sounds like your mom needs to tough love those two sisters. I've got two brothers, one that's a big fuck up and one that's got problems that kind of makes him a fuck up at times. I love them both but don't live near them. They thankfully don't love with my parents either.
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While I agree with the sentiment it costs my mom nothing to have them live in a house that's been paid off for 30 years and hasn't been updated since the 80s. I grew up in it and their 5 kids don't deserve to be homeless on the street because of their parent's idiocy. Especially since it's not really burdening anyone other than sentimentally.

My mom herself lives in what was my grandparents house now. I do think she needs to force them to pay their own utilities and taxes on the property.
 
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TJT

TJT

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Captain Suave said:
I'm pretty much at this level. We're a combination of well-to-do enough and stingy enough that we've already got basically everything we realistically want and gifts beyond that tend to be bullshit that just clutters up the house. My kids (9, 13) read a shitload of books, which I will source for them in infinite quantity on principle. Beyond that they get my hand-me-down PCs that we game together on. We've made a point of not having cable TV in the house so we've avoided most of the normal corporate consumerism.

We tried for a few years to make Christmas gfits more of a "thing" for the purpose building traditions, but we ended up just looking at each other going, "Do you want anything? I dunno what I want?" Now we just take turns cooking each other's favorite meals and hanging out. Works great, with the added benefit of my kids being the only ones in their entire peer cohort that understand how food comes to exist.
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This is pretty much what we do as well.
 
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Kithani

Kithani

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TJT said:
While I agree with the sentiment it costs my mom nothing to have them live in a house that's been paid off for 30 years and hasn't been updated since the 80s. I grew up in it and their 5 kids don't deserve to be homeless on the street because of their parent's idiocy. Especially since it's not really burdening anyone other than sentimentally.

My mom herself lives in what was my grandparents house now. I do think she needs to force them to pay their own utilities and taxes on the property.
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My aunt was very similar to your sisters. After my grandparents passed away their house eventually became a teardown.
 
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Chris

Chris

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Cukernaut said:
My sister has a daughter that makes things particularly sad for me. She is my sons age and they are amazing with each other. My 31 year old sister still does not stand on her own two feet and is subsidized and nearly unemployable. I see signs of neglect in her daughter and it makes me pretty sad.

We had them over and the kids were amazing- being around the sister was a train wreck.

my wife and i talked about it and if my sister dies or anything we want to take the girl, but we struggle with how toxic my sister and her life is because we feel like we are leaving an innocent child behind as part of it. Pretty sad.

i would adopt her right now if we could- but I know that would never happen.

i guess the answer is the same it’s sad but not good for me to be involved. I guess we keep the door open in case the girl ever needs us. (Assuming she doesn’t turn into a toxic generationally bonded sick person) Thoughts?
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I know I'm 3 years too late but both myself and my cousin have weird families which barely spoke to each other, we only reconnected at 30 because I invited her to my wedding to pad the numbers since my wife had more guests than me.

Turns out we lived in the same city, get along great and both needed a family member to vent to about toxic family stuff.

So from the child's point of view, the kids may appreciate being in each other's lives if you can keep the mother at arm's length.

My other two cousins took after their weird parents though, so gotta monitor the kid carefully to see which way she goes lol.
 
C

Captain Suave

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
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Chris said:
I know I'm 3 years too late but both myself and my cousin have weird families which barely spoke to each other, we only reconnected at 30 because I invited her to my wedding

So from the child's point of view, the kids may appreciate being in each other's lives if you can keep the mother at arm's length.
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I've become quite close as an adult to cousins that I never interacted much with growing up. My dad always had a weird relationship with his brother, and now with some perspective it's pretty clear my dad was the weird one and my uncle is cool.
 
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