Having an existential crisis

Tuco_sl said:

forever? I dunno. For the concievable future? Shit yeah.

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Second that. I don't know about till the end of time, but I'd definitely take the next few centuries at least, especially if I stay young & healthy in the process.

I've had the same thoughts, about whether I was born just too early to experience space travel, or to cross that line over to massive extensions in life expectancy, etc. but then I think about all the other ways in which civilization seems to be sliding down the shitter, and it kind of balances out. These days I try and avoid speculating about the future at all, it just seems like a pointless waste of time, especially when history has shown that whatever the future ends up being, it's usually nothing like what the people predicting it expected. Except for Jules Verne, who I'm pretty sure was a wizard.

I've been going through a mild existential crisis as of late, created by my disillusionment with the capitalist upbringing I've received. I've begun to question the validity of monetary systems, and questioning whether or not I even want to "obtain wealth" as I don't think it's going to bring me anything that I'd actually value as a human being. As of last night, these feelings have been exacerbated.

I posted in the "Fuck Cancer" thread about my friend Brayden, whom had died from leukemia, was revived, recovered and went into remission. This happened about 3 years ago, before I met him. Then, after the remission, he took the strength to move to Maine and see the ocean for the first time in his life, and got out of Texas. Then, while there, it returned. He came back to Texas and once again did battle and came out victorious, if not severely scarred. He was starting to seem physically better the past few months, gaining strength, doing more, enjoying his life, except for small incidents.

Last night though, he was beaten. Not by cancer, but by himself. His own need to push boundries and limits. This was the kind of guy who just did, because that's what he felt. Half the time it was stupid, but he did what he wanted. His last words were "You guys want to play Russian Roulette?" before pulling the trigger and emptying himself from this life. It was stupid, it was chaotic. I don't even know what to feel or think. I was at work at the time, but his brother and a couple other friends were present.

I loved that kid. Fuck.

Lol what? Figurative or literal russian roulette?

Rombo_sl said:

Lol what? Figurative or literal russian roulette?

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Literal. It was just so dumb.

Pretty poor taste to say LOL to that I would say.

I had a situation like that occur when I was very young to a friend. Parents went out and left the kids at home to fend for themselves (not uncommon in the 80's). They grabbed their dads shotgun, checked to make sure it wasn't loaded and played in the basement with it. The male said "shoot me, it's empty" to his sister, so she pointed at his face and shot him. Instantly dead. As a kid that sort of stuff fucks you up for a long time. I don't know how that girl lived with herself after that, I still see her around town occasionally. Fucked up shit. Sorry for your loss dude.

Sorry dude but yeah , still LOL.

I seen / see to many people fight for the chance to live and on the other side theyre dudes that are so hardcore and live life in the oh-so-fast-lane to stupid land that play russian roulette and lose a game. Well guess what, game over hardcore dude. My dad fought throught cancer. The end result was a much higher appreciation of everything we take for granted and just living in general.

Even Vat knows it was stupid. No i cant feel sorry for stupid. Darwin baby.

Reminds me of all the fuckin retards that drive their car pedal to the metal for the rush. Go fuck your car in the concrete alone for all i care, dont risk the lives of people around you. Youll know what i mean if you ever have to pull out of a wrecked car whatevers left of what was once called a ''human body''.

The kids with the shotgun? Really tragic. Could derail into gun control babbling... Whatever, MeRiCa! F yea!

Saddening.

Guy beats cancer several times, and then offs himself with Russian Roulette? I have no idea why you'd feel down about that. Your friend was an asshole.

Soygen_sl said:

You don't value food, shelter and security? Do you want to live under a bridge or work a shit job until you're 80? Or do you define "obtain wealth" as money above and beyond those things? How old are you, Vat? Not caring about these things is a lot easier when you're young and dumb, but it will almost definitely lead to regret when you're older.

I don't even have a constructive response for the Russian roulette thing.

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I'm 28 and I really just don't get why people have a desire for anything beyond what makes them feel alive. I don't want to work a job, let alone a shit one. I love cooking, it's my life, I just happen to be able to get paid for it. I don't work, I enjoy myself. I'd rather hunt/grow my own food, and just get the fuck out of a life trapped in boxes. I don't want a house, I don't want a car. I have a bike, I get around, and I experience this whole great world for what it is. I hate the importance our society places on how much money you make, or how much bullshit you can buy and acquire. This has just been even more exacerbated by the fact that I watched one of the strongest people I know take his own life, based on some retarded principle of image. The image people try to portray is very rarely what they actually are. Fuck it, I guess is the best I can say about it.

Rombo_sl said:

Sorry dude but yeah , still LOL.

I seen / see to many people fight for the chance to live and on the other side theyre dudes that are so hardcore and live life in the oh-so-fast-lane to stupid land that play russian roulette and lose a game. Well guess what, game over hardcore dude. My dad fought throught cancer. The end result was a much higher appreciation of everything we take for granted and just living in general.

Even Vat knows it was stupid. No i cant feel sorry for stupid. Darwin baby.

Reminds me of all the fuckin retards that drive their car pedal to the metal for the rush. Go fuck your car in the concrete alone for all i care, dont risk the lives of people around you. Youll know what i mean if you ever have to pull out of a wrecked car whatevers left of what was once called a ''human body''.

The kids with the shotgun? Really tragic. Could derail into gun control babbling... Whatever, MeRiCa! F yea!

Saddening.

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It was in like 1989 so gun control was even different back then, no real need to even derail it lol

Vatoreus Malfost_sl said:

I'm 28 and I really just don't get why people have a desire for anything beyond what makes them feel alive. I don't want to work a job, let alone a shit one. I love cooking, it's my life, I just happen to be able to get paid for it. I don't work, I enjoy myself. I'd rather hunt/grow my own food, and just get the fuck out of a life trapped in boxes. I don't want a house, I don't want a car. I have a bike, I get around, and I experience this whole great world for what it is. I hate the importance our society places on how much money you make, or how much bullshit you can buy and acquire. This has just been even more exacerbated by the fact that I watched one of the strongest people I know take his own life, based on some retarded principle of image. The image people try to portray is very rarely what they actually are. Fuck it, I guess is the best I can say about it.

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Go walk the earth brah. Jules Winnfield did it. Or was planning to. Whatever. Just dont get eaten by a bear in Alaska.

My experience : I was all about having just a decent enough job so i could go out every weekend rockclimbing with my dudes. Living the life and all that bs. Long story short, people change and you will too. Shocking i know. Met a girl, fell in love, I want a serious futur with her. No fuckin way our life story will be camping and rockclimbing in the dirt till we're 70. And am a die hard rock climber yet i know theres other thing to discover in life.

You single? I know id probably be in the same rockclimbign mindset if i had never met my girl. Sometimes you need a kick in the ass to leave your comfort zone and get shit done. Maybe youll one day love a girl enough to look over the oh-so-conformist life style of working to have a good quality of life and have, you know, responsabilities...

At least we have the option in north america and other such places. You want a dirtbag life style? Go for it. But you also have the option of a professional life, unlike many other countries in the world. You have a choice. Many dont. You could medidate on the value and the appreciation of the possibility that we have that said choice rather than spit on it.

Rombo_sl said:

Go walk the earth brah. Jules Winnfield did it. Or was planning to. Whatever. Just dont get eaten by a bear in Alaska.

My experience : I was all about having just a decent enough job so i could go out every weekend rockclimbing with my dudes. Living the life and all that bs. Long story short, people change and you will too. Shocking i know. Met a girl, fell in love, I want a serious futur with her. No fuckin way our life story will be camping and rockclimbing in the dirt till we're 70. And am a die hard rock climber yet i know theres other thing to discover in life.

You single? I know id probably be in the same rockclimbign mindset if i had never met my girl. Sometimes you need a kick in the ass to leave your comfort zone and get shit done. Maybe youll one day love a girl enough to look over the oh-so-conformist life style of working to have a good quality of life and have, you know, responsabilities...

At least we have the option in north america and other such places. You want a dirtbag life style? Go for it. But you also have the option of a professional life, unlike many other countries in the world. You have a choice. Many dont. You could medidate on the value and the appreciation of the possibility that we have that said choice rather than spit on it.

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I actually just recently split up with my best friend. We are incredibly close and feel very similar in regards to how we approach life. For me, the costs of our "choice of lifestyle" are not acceptable. Our taxes are spent waging wars in sections of the world we have no business being in, killing millions for the sake of the profit of a few. Our governments spend every day stripping more and more of those "cherished freedoms" away from us. We are told to buy shit that kills us, to drug ourselves so we don't feel, drug our children so we don't have to watch them. Our school systems are getting worse every passing decade, and the average intelligence is dwindling. These are not things I wish to participate in, facilitate, or encourage. If I ever met a girl that I fell in love with, again, she wouldn't value any of those systems either.

Split up with your best friend? What are you, a sixteen year old girl?

I think the computer youre using to vent your existantial crisis uses parts that were built by blind children starving to death somewhere in asia.

Unless youre typing this from the local starbuck and drinking their sweet coffee.

I think it's a little bit ridiculous and vain to get so upset about the entire world not being a perfectly harmonious place all the time. All you can do is do your part to make your little piece of that world a bit better than when you got there. Depending on who you are, where you are and so on maybe you can impart significant change on a significant part of the world. Maybe all you can do is make a few friends or relatives happier. That's fine too. Just because you're not Nelson Fucking Mandela doesn't mean you're a waste of skin.

The fact is, on a global scale humanity right now is in better shape than it ever has been. And in 10 years, things will be that much better (barring the occasional Dark Age or two, which actually was just Europe anyways). Rome wasn't built in a day and all that. Things are getting better, not worse. Nothing will ever be perfect. Stop being such a fucking drama queen and get on with living your life the best that you can, whatever your station in it is.

If all you do is sit around and complain about how bad the world is without doing what you can to change it, even if you personally can't change much, then you're just a whiny cunt.

Vatoreus Malfost_sl said:

I'm 28 and I really just don't get why people have a desire for anything beyond what makes them feel alive. I don't want to work a job, let alone a shit one. I love cooking, it's my life, I just happen to be able to get paid for it. I don't work, I enjoy myself. I'd rather hunt/grow my own food, and just get the fuck out of a life trapped in boxes. I don't want a house, I don't want a car. I have a bike, I get around, and I experience this whole great world for what it is. I hate the importance our society places on how much money you make, or how much bullshit you can buy and acquire. This has just been even more exacerbated by the fact that I watched one of the strongest people I know take his own life, based on some retarded principle of image. The image people try to portray is very rarely what they actually are. Fuck it, I guess is the best I can say about it.

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Honestly, you know what you sound like here? A whiny cunt. What does your friend's death have to do with how shitty the world is? If the story you gave us is true, your friend offed himself because he's a fucking moron, and the supposed terrible state of the world has nothing to do with his death. 20 years ago the cancer would just have killed him the first time around, no need for a bullet. Whatever extra time he got out of his treatment is a direct result of things getting better in the world, not worse.

As far as why people have "desires for anything beyond what makes them feel alive", you'll have to ask each and every person. I would imagine because for some people, they don't feel alive unless they're making billions of dollars or doing something that results in them making billions of dollars. Look at Warren Buffet. By all indications he could be happy making 100k a year and living a lifestyle commensurate with that. But he just happens to be extremely good at investing, that's what makes him feel alive. Good for him. Richard Branson apparently doesn't feel alive unless he spends most of his time doing action sports that men half his age wouldn't consider doing, all while fucking three super models at the same time. Good for him too!

Me personally? I don't like what I do 40-80 hours a week. It's boring, it's tedious, it's frustrating. But it allows me to do a ton of other shit outside work that I love to do. So fuck it, it's called work for a reason. Other than the last century, almost no one in human history other than a privileged few have ever had much of a choice in what they do. You were born in to whatever it was that you were going to do for the rest of your life. Most likely you were born to be someone else's bitch.

So from where I stand, and yes I realize I was born in to a better situation than most, things are pretty swell these days. Maybe you were born in to less fortunate circumstances than me or even most other people on these boards. If so, that sucks. But that doesn't mean that the entire world is just so incredibly unjust that you can't go on any longer. Again, stop being a whiny cunt and make something of yourself and your life. Volunteer somewhere, raise money for charities, become a world famous chef. Whatever works for you. No one can tell you what that is but you.

Cad_sl said:

Drop all of your capitalism-acquired goods, walk into the yukon, and live on your own.

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Yeah. The Yukon actually has some of the highest costs of living in North America. So.....