Well folks, 2024 is not my year. I'm now pretty surely clear of cancer. My wife has breast cancer. Next week she will have a bilateral mastectomy. If the lymph nodes test negative, that's it. If there's anything suspicious there will be chemo. We can't catch a fucking break.
Her outlook is very good. Our kids are freaked the fuck out. I already suffer with anxiety and depression, this isn't helping, obviously. I know it is very treatable. I know the success rate is very high. But that's the end of titties for me. She's not doing reconstruction. The healing time is more than double, the risk is more than double, the pain is more than double. It isn't worth it. Good thing she has amazing legs and a fantastic ass.
I know that's selfish. I'm just trying to cope with this news. She's quite positive about life, saying she's going to lose weight overnight. There are better ways to lose weight.
Guys, my wife has cancer. I'm freaking the fuck out. I have to be stoic for her and for the kids. She knows how much I'm hurting, but she also knows I'll walk through hell for her. Adulting is hard.
Holy. Shit.
I'm sorry you're having to go through this. Oblio did a great job of outlining the positives and there isn't much I can add there.
The only things I would say are:
My wife was all about lopping her boob off, we made a similar joke about losing some weight. She was planning on reconstruction down the road, so I joked about getting to touch a new pair of tits for the first time in like 20 years. She was really matter of fact about it - this is what we gotta do, so we do it. But after the surgery it really fucked her up and she didn't see it coming. It was a body she no longer recognized. I'm sure they've already mentioned it, but whatever oncology team is working with you guys probably has counseling and groups of women to talk to because it's a mind fuck. Also there are volunteer groups on Facebook that will crochet a boob you can put in your bra or shirt. You give them a cup size and send a picture and they make them. The chicken cutlet titty things slip around and fall out too much.
As for the stoic thing. I don't know that that was the route I took, but I did take the approach that as long as there was a path forward or something to try we needed to focus on that. I couldn't get bogged down in what
might happen. We needed to spend our energy on figuring out what was next or the thing after that. But at the end of the day, I'd still be lying in bed completely unable to sleep where these intrusive thoughts kept creeping in. I knew she was awake too. I was focused on my own mental self preservation so the family and life stuff could keep working and keeping us moving but I also left her alone in that. She really thought I was Mr. Positivity 100% of the time, but that couldn't have been further from the truth. And I know your situation is totally and completely different than mine but it's OK in some ways to let her know you're freaking out too (not that you haven't necessarily), because she's freaking out.
On the mastectomy, get with the pain management folks beyond just whats needed post surgery. I don't know how early it can happen, but I know certainly by 6 months, the nerves and shit start to come back online - and they are pissed. Of all the shit my wife ever went through (including child birth) - she said THAT was the most painful thing she'd ever faced and it comes on like a light switch - so have some morphine handy. And she only lopped off one of her tits.
Honestly, I could go on and on about different shit like this but I'm sure you're already getting this from all comers and that ain't what you need here, but if there's anything I can do - don't hesitate to ask.
Just know that she's going to get through this, you're going to get through this, and most of this board is pulling for you (I initially wrote everyone but there are some fucking
weirdos here).
www.nature.com
lurkingdirk
Flip all that on its head and try seeing it from a positive...
