House of the Dragon
- Thread starter Wintermute
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Goatface
Avatar of War Slayer
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Oldbased
> Than U
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In the end of all this we'll have 15-20 seasons of the whole IP. That is a long grind watch but people will do it spanning hundreds of years of GoT.
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You know since they've already jumped the shark so much and butchered the source material for their woke shit i've stopped caring about this stupid show, but I have been thinking about this kinda shit.
They decided to make the 2nd largest Valyrian house (and oldest Valyrian house to settle in Westeros) black. And not kinda black, like straight out of africa black, for woke points, nevermind there's a whole continent in this world of black and brown folks, and even their version of Jamaica full of blackies (who are quite prominent in the GoT books but were cut from the show btw) but of course they've never read the source material, or thought about the ramifications of this change for even a second.
House Velaryon, being sailors not dragon riders, settled on the isle of driftmark like a hundred years before the Targaryan's did, which was like 6 years before the doom of Valyria. For hundreds of years, Targaryans who didn't marry their own siblings/uncles/aunts/etc, when they married anyone outside of Targaryans, they married Velaryons (and to a much lesser extent, Celtigars, a minor house also from Valyria). After Aegon's conquest when Aegon's bastard half brother takes over the stormlands and takes the name Baratheon, the Targaryans then start to intermarry baratheons (since they are now descendants of Valyria)
for a hundred years before Aegon ever conquered westeros Platinum Haired Purple eyed Pure White power Aryans have been interbreeding with Coal black Velaryon's and them white genetics, that pure White Power, not a hint of darkness survives past a single generation it seems, none of the Targaryans at any point in this show's universes history has even a hint of blackness, not a single drop of black blood survives the raw power of Aryan targaryan genetics. Even the first gen has barely any taint on them, Corlys children with Rhaenys are clearly not 50/50 mixed, they are like 10% black at best, super light mocha skin. Their children will be pure blood Aryan because of how weak fucking blacky's genes are in this fantasy setting they've contrived.
but also yes, of house Velaryon only Corlys survives the dance of dragons, all his half breed (10% breed) kids and grand kids fucking die. He fathers a few bastards who he passes off as his faggot son's bastards (cus he wants to wash the taint of faggotry from his dead son's memory) and the one who survives the dance is made his heir and given the name Velaryon. So yeah they are definitely going to run out of black people. Coryls spends most of the dance in the black cells below kings landing, not exactly a lot of speaking lines for him for the rest of this show's existence.
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Khane
Got something right about marriage
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This show is funny. It's slow, and it's kind of boring. And they have the same jarring time jump problem the later seasons of GoT did. But I think my favorite part is how they try to portray the nonsensical character decisions as being thought provoking and cunning. Low rent Littlefinger is hilarious
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jayrebb
Naxxramas 1.0 Raider
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It does make you wonder how woke the cancelled GoT series with Naomi Watts was.
The pilot must have been atrociously bad to get cancelled on that merit, in light of what they did with House Velaryon.
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The time jump and the newer cast members are too jarring.
Man this show is a train wreck.
It makes Rings of Power look like Le Mort d Artur.
And Rings of Power makes She Hulk look like the Tempest.
At least there are new episodes on of Lower Decks.
Man this show is a train wreck.
It makes Rings of Power look like Le Mort d Artur.
And Rings of Power makes She Hulk look like the Tempest.
At least there are new episodes on of Lower Decks.
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Dude if your waiting on sunday for new episodes to drop of any show other than rick and fucking morty then you are doing it wrong.
Note: I'll keep using spoiler tags just in case someone actually enjoys this show but honestly it doesn't deserve it. Spoiler alert, nobody wins.
I know right. I'm just imagining how the pitch meeting went for this one that did get approved.
Note: I'll keep using spoiler tags just in case someone actually enjoys this show but honestly it doesn't deserve it. Spoiler alert, nobody wins.
show runner: ok so we'll just make all those changes we just discussed, so that Rhaenyra can be the heroine of the show. Give feminists an idol to emulate you know?
Lore guy: hows that gonna square with her, um death?
Showrunner: wait, what?
Lore guy: you know she gets eaten by a dragon, right?
Showrunner: What? Wait, when?
Lore guy: well if you are trying to stretch this out to 5 seasons, she gets eaten sometime around the end of season 2...
Show runner: the fuck man, we already cast a genderfluid non-binary to play her! You told us she wins?
Lore guy: no i said her children end up kings, nobody "wins" the dance of dragons.
Marketing: hi, karen from marketing here, that's her half black kids with the Velaryons, right? The Velaryon changes are tracking quite well on twitter. We're calling them the first black family of Westeros.
Lore guy: well no, on multiple fronts. The Velaryon boy never actually fathers any of her kids, they are actually bastards sons of the commander of the gold cloaks...
Marketing: karen from marketing again. wait, she cucks the black guy?
Lore guy: well not really, he is gay after all and spends most of his time prancing about fucking dudes, but...
Showrunner: gay and black, thats tracking well among our lgbtqiap crowd...
Lore guy: but he also dies...
Marketing: hi karen from marketing again. We're really going to kill the first black son on westeros? The gay one?
Lore guy: him, and all "his" children with rhaenyra. Rhaenyra's children with daemon are the ones who eventually take the iron throne...
Showrunner: daemon? you told us Corlys Velaryon did well in this story?
Lore guy: no I said he survives it. Him and alicent hightower are the only 2 people from the entire cast who survive. Again, nobody "wins"
Showrunner: but you said his grandchildren survive...
Lore guy: yes, from daemon and laena. The twin girls, you havent cast them yet they arent even born til after the 10 year time jump...
Showrunner: shes the one we decided was going to self immolate? So what is corlys doing during all of this? We need to portray him as a strong black man if we are going to be killing off 2 of his children...
Lore guy: all of his children actually, the others die too. And he spends nearly all of the war in the black cells below the red keep.
Showrunner: but he lives, right?
Lore guy: yeah, he dies about a year after the war of old age.
Showrunner: so the first black family of westeros, his line ends then? All his sons die?
Lore guy: well technically no. He fathers a few bastards. The one who doesn't die is made a Velaryon and his heir.
Marketing: hi karen from marketing here. Did nobody think of the optics on this? We sold this as the first black family of Westeros.
The father is in jail, all his kids die in the streets. When he isn't in prison he cheats on his wife, and one of his bastards, the sole survivor, carries on his name and inherits his land and titles?
Lore guy: pretty much yeah...
so yeah this is "accidently" the most based show
Lore guy: hows that gonna square with her, um death?
Showrunner: wait, what?
Lore guy: you know she gets eaten by a dragon, right?
Showrunner: What? Wait, when?
Lore guy: well if you are trying to stretch this out to 5 seasons, she gets eaten sometime around the end of season 2...
Show runner: the fuck man, we already cast a genderfluid non-binary to play her! You told us she wins?
Lore guy: no i said her children end up kings, nobody "wins" the dance of dragons.
Marketing: hi, karen from marketing here, that's her half black kids with the Velaryons, right? The Velaryon changes are tracking quite well on twitter. We're calling them the first black family of Westeros.
Lore guy: well no, on multiple fronts. The Velaryon boy never actually fathers any of her kids, they are actually bastards sons of the commander of the gold cloaks...
Marketing: karen from marketing again. wait, she cucks the black guy?
Lore guy: well not really, he is gay after all and spends most of his time prancing about fucking dudes, but...
Showrunner: gay and black, thats tracking well among our lgbtqiap crowd...
Lore guy: but he also dies...
Marketing: hi karen from marketing again. We're really going to kill the first black son on westeros? The gay one?
Lore guy: him, and all "his" children with rhaenyra. Rhaenyra's children with daemon are the ones who eventually take the iron throne...
Showrunner: daemon? you told us Corlys Velaryon did well in this story?
Lore guy: no I said he survives it. Him and alicent hightower are the only 2 people from the entire cast who survive. Again, nobody "wins"
Showrunner: but you said his grandchildren survive...
Lore guy: yes, from daemon and laena. The twin girls, you havent cast them yet they arent even born til after the 10 year time jump...
Showrunner: shes the one we decided was going to self immolate? So what is corlys doing during all of this? We need to portray him as a strong black man if we are going to be killing off 2 of his children...
Lore guy: all of his children actually, the others die too. And he spends nearly all of the war in the black cells below the red keep.
Showrunner: but he lives, right?
Lore guy: yeah, he dies about a year after the war of old age.
Showrunner: so the first black family of westeros, his line ends then? All his sons die?
Lore guy: well technically no. He fathers a few bastards. The one who doesn't die is made a Velaryon and his heir.
Marketing: hi karen from marketing here. Did nobody think of the optics on this? We sold this as the first black family of Westeros.
The father is in jail, all his kids die in the streets. When he isn't in prison he cheats on his wife, and one of his bastards, the sole survivor, carries on his name and inherits his land and titles?
Lore guy: pretty much yeah...
so yeah this is "accidently" the most based show
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Goatface
Avatar of War Slayer
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realized that i can so little about alicent changing her didn't matter one bit. also didn't even know that gay velaryon was changed, thought they just fixed his hair.
Seananigans
Honorary Shit-PhD
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Maybe these completely imaginary black people with platinum blonde hair just think differently from other people.
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yeah obviously the targaryens have distinctive features, just like the Baratheon dark hair. But being totally white vs being mixed is a much more "recognisable" clue to audience normies
Ome
Trakanon Raider
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Considering the first birth where the king made the call and the woman had no say and the show runners saying this was commentary on the Roe vs Wade situation I imagine her self immolating was their version of my body my choice.
Gavinmad
Mr. Poopybutthole
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People who say 'go touch grass' are either 14 or soyjack pedos and either way you don't get to use the word cuck.
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