Losing Interest

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

zzeris said:
This is FoH so bear with me. You're going through a mid-life crisis of a sorts. It doesn't have to be getting older but can sometimes be exactly as you described. Can you get away from the kids for a little bit or do you have opposing schedules with the wife?

Hmm hard to explain- you might be right on this. I think I could get away if I needed to but I don’t feel like I have anywhere to responsibility

zzeris said:
If you can get away for an hour or two...this may sound weird, but I think you should have a gun hobby. You need something to liven up your life and you don't sound like you want a mistress, so this is the good for you option. Collecting shit is fun for almost everyone and this is a physical activity that shouldn't bore or tax your body too much. If that's too much for you, have you thought about gardening? These are probably both out of the box ideas for you but that may be exactly what you need. Think about it.

yeah guns are cool. I grew up around them and my family member has auto permit with some cool shit. There’s a great sporting clays place nearby which is pretty cool too

Hateyou · Jun 5, 2022

I’d say find something you’re interested in and try Meetup. Board games? Guns? Motorcycles? Music? There’s Meetup groups for everything. Use that to tell your wife that you’re fucking off by yourself every couple weeks and tough shit if she doesn’t like it. Even though it’s much easier to just do nothing, forcing yourself to go out and interact and do something can get you out of the day to day rut.

You should be able to start gaming with your kid in a year or two. 4, they pretty much suck at it. There’s some easy games you can do at 4 like Mario kart or Kirby or MAME games with infinite lives but it’s kind of frustrating when they’re that bad at it. 5 and 6 they start getting the hand eye coordination going and start understanding goals in the game. 7+ is when it’s like you’re gaming with someone competent.

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

Rease said:
DnD is a great way to meet people as an adult especially since you are in a metro. You are a good age and in a good place to find a group of folks to do this in person with. There are all sorts of resources to find people to play with. I trolled them regularly until I found a group for in person games in my neck of the woods through Reddit. Its also something you can get your kids involved in soon and even at 4 with having him "help" you with the character in numerous ways. This will also make you carve out one day every couple of weeks or a month etc for yourself. You could also start online and go from there.

If D&D isn't your cup of tea there are plenty of other games with this social aspect.

i think I would rather EverQuest but back in the day I did do war hammer and shit and that was cool. Been 20 years

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

Here’s what makes it weird. For the last 3 months I’ve been waiting for my life to change with my significant business expansion and it hasn’t happened - yet, but it literally keeps on being about to. It’s going to be nuts when it happens and I will be traveling some which will make it easier too and my discretionary income going to fly which will open doors like (weekend vacation and leave the kids, or permanent nanny etc)

So I’m looking at this in two ways -

1. bigger existential long term questions which I appreciate everyone’s feedback
2. 3-4 week more push

and i need to think about both. It’s hard to describe the emotional roller coaster it’s been this year and the pressure from dealing with capital raise and the economy etc as a business owner - but getting through the extended process has been rough

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

Hateyou said:
I’d say find something you’re interested in and try Meetup. Board games? Guns? Motorcycles? Music? There’s Meetup groups for everything. Use that to tell your wife that you’re fucking off by yourself every couple weeks and tough shit if she doesn’t like it. Even though it’s much easier to just do nothing, forcing yourself to go out and interact and do something can get you out of the day to day rut.

i will spend some time thinking about this and report back.

Hateyou said:
You should be able to start gaming with your kid in a year or two. 4, they pretty much suck at it. There’s some easy games you can do at 4 like Mario kart or Kirby or MAME games with infinite lives but it’s kind of frustrating when they’re that bad at it. 5 and 6 they start getting the hand eye coordination going and start understanding goals in the game. 7+ is when it’s like you’re gaming with someone competent.

Yeah that seems about right. That will be another conversation ramping him in

Control · Jun 5, 2022

Start tinkering around the house. Build a playset or tree house for the kids. Do some landscaping. Paint and re-trim some rooms. Remodel something. A lot of stuff can be pretty cheap if you're doing all the grunt work yourself. Your kids can increasingly participate as they get older, and you'll and up with a nicer space that you put some of yourself into customizing.

Lendarios · Jun 5, 2022

Start a TLP and actually finish it, not this doing only doing the first 5 expansions.

You said about reading. Why did you stop? maybe switch to audible books?

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

Control said:
Start tinkering around the house. Build a playset or tree house for the kids. Do some landscaping. Paint and re-trim some rooms. Remodel something. A lot of stuff can be pretty cheap if you're doing all the grunt work yourself. Your kids can increasingly participate as they get older, and you'll and up with a nicer space that you put some of yourself into customizing.

ive done a bunch of that shit already too -- redid my whole master bath (custom shower, tiled it, etc).

One conflict I see coming if I started trying to get out and do hobby type shit is my wife wanting the same thing, and then me having to deal with the kids.So once two twice a week relief for me would turn into a stifling lifestyle and level of business that feels not worth it. i know this sounds shitty on my part just being real though I'm not a good nanny

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

Lendarios said:
Start a TLP and actually finish it, not this doing only doing the first 5 expansions.

this sounds attractive but i dont feel like I have the ability to be casual and I have too much good shit going on IRL to complement it.

Lendarios said:
You said about reading. Why did you stop? maybe switch to audible books?

i read most of what I want to read at the moment. if I find more I will probably read more. i have read hundreds and hundreds of books in my life. I think I've read 19 this year (none since march)

Lendarios · Jun 5, 2022

To be honest when I started doing Crossfit, it was the best I socially ever was. I made tons of friends, got in sort of shape, and had the must fun I ever had a social setting. And I wore some sick pants. Best 6 years socially outside of college I had was those in the gym with friends and family.

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

Lendarios said:
To be honest when I started doing crossfit, it was the best I socially ever was. I made tons of friends, got in sort of shape, and had the must fun i had in a social setting I had in a while.

did crossfit in my 20's - i liked it. tried it again in the last year -- my schedule is too volatile and the gyms here seem limited on class times since the pandemic. kinds of sucks.

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

To be honest right now i feel like I'm stuck in a bind with my family where we are all just okay but nobody is willing to take the pain for anyone to do great. that's the few week push i am waiting for but if the deal didn't go through it could easily turn into 2 years (and i am about 3 months now past when it was supposed to be done, in "waiting mode")

my wife has friends and does her shit though, shes in these hispanic communities though where they all speak Spanish and i don't speak that shit nor have interest.

conventional wisdom would say to act as though nothing is going to happen and keep living your life but that will involve some real changes so I don't want to deal with that fallout for several weeks and then have things change anyways. but I keep saying this and stretching it out weeks at a time.

Lendarios · Jun 5, 2022

Cukernaut said:
To be honest right now i feel like I'm stuck in a bind with my family where we are all just okay but nobody is willing to take the pain for anyone to do great. that's the few week push i am waiting for but if the deal didn't go through it could easily turn into 2 years (and i am about 3 months now past when it was supposed to be done, in "waiting mode")

my wife has friends and does her shit though, shes in these hispanic communities though where they all speak Spanish and i don't speak that shit nor have interest.

Sucks man. Do you live in a nice beighborhood? Does the neighborhood has a facebook group? Can you try joning and be more involved and maybe host poker nights for the guys?

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

Lendarios said:
Sucks man. Do you live in a nice beighborhood? Does the neighborhood has a facebook group? Can you try joning and be more involved and maybe host poker nights for the guys?

im so disconnected from making friends i have no idea. i know there are poker halls though. that could be fun. i think I swim better with sharks I don't fit in with the "neighborhood salarymen" ahem "guys"

new york would probably be a fun place for me to live lol

Lendarios · Jun 5, 2022

Cukernaut said:
im so disconnected from making friends i have no idea. i know there are poker halls though. that could be fun

We are social animals bro, don't let that part go, you need that for your mental health. Try to see if anyone in your neighborhood has similar interest, maybe a volleyball group?

Phazael · Jun 5, 2022

Ok who is the young coworker piece of ass you are thinking about fucking behind your wife's back? Sort of kidding, but usually when a friend starts talking about being bored of life in their 30s its because there is some young thing they want to bang and its fucking with their heads. Rub a few out and spend more time with the wife.

Or alternatively, maybe learn to be happy and sort some shit out now while life is giving you a breather. There are always long term paperwork things that people procrastinate, like wills, college funds for the kids, investments, ect. As you get older and slow the fuck down, you will find you have less and less periods of peace like this. Take advantage of the calm, because it won't last.

Lendarios · Jun 5, 2022

Im basically stuck in heartland Florida, on pretty much a super nice neighborhood, but there is absolutely nothing to do here, so reading and raiding are my social outlets. It sucks so much, but hey this is the american dream.

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

Lendarios said:
We are social animals bro, don't let that part go, you need that for your mental health. Try to see if anyone in your neighborhood has similar interest, maybe a volleyball group?

yeah i get it. i want to join YPO soon in the next few years, finding some sharkier or seedier/more extreme folks would be more interesting to me than neighbors. raiding is interesting too but too much for me.

Phazael said:
Ok who is the young coworker piece of ass you are thinking about fucking behind your wife's back? Sort of kidding, but usually when a friend starts talking about being bored of life in their 30s its because there is some young thing they want to bang and its fucking with their heads. Rub a few out and spend more time with the wife.

Or alternatively, maybe learn to be happy and sort some shit out now while life is giving you a breather. There are always long term paperwork things that people procrastinate, like wills, college funds for the kids, investments, ect. As you get older and slow the fuck down, you will find you have less and less periods of peace like this. Take advantage of the calm, because it won't last.

read above -- super good with the wife. any sidechick would be a severe downgrade in many ways. those thoughts don't even cross my mind. i would love to take the night off, with my wife, and go fuck her brains out repeatedly in a hotel room regularly. we are riding the salary line with her spending habits and paying for kids school - she makes 0 money and spends a lot. we have no help and the youngest is at that weird age where she feels like she cant leave her anywhere. all thing that will work themselves out with time fortunately.

Lendarios said:
Im basically stuck in heartland Florida, on pretty much a super nice neighborhood, but there is absolutely nothing to do here, so reading and raiding are my social outlets. It sucks so much, but hey this is the american dream.

something like that for me too.

Kiroy · Jun 5, 2022

Lendarios said:
Im basically stuck in heartland Florida, on pretty much a super nice neighborhood, but there is absolutely nothing to do here, so reading and raiding are my social outlets. It sucks so much, but hey this is the american dream.

move

edited out my factual statement calling you a retard because it's the adult forum

Phazael · Jun 5, 2022

Cukernaut said:
yeah i get it. i want to join YPO soon in the next few years, finding some sharkier or seedier/more extreme folks would be more interesting to me than neighbors. raiding is interesting too but too much for me.

read above -- super good with the wife. any sidechick would be a severe downgrade in many ways. those thoughts don't even cross my mind. i would love to take the night off, with my wife, and go fuck her brains out repeatedly in a hotel room regularly

something like that for me too.

When was the last time you guys took a real vacation?

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