Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Pemulis said:

two men in the same room, naked, with boners cannot NOT be gay

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Oblio said:

Funny you mention that, the wife and I are starting the process this month. Our goal is to foster a little girl around the age of 5, late this spring or early summer, with the intent to adopt. All I know about the process at this point is that our hearts could get broken a few times as the biological parents can meet the minimum standards of getting their shit together just long enough to gain custody back of the child.

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Big_w_powah said:

This is in Texas.

AMA

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Onoes said:

I'll do a recap on the past couple of years as there have been some developments.

My current lady and I have been together 2 and a half years. As you guys all know, I swore up and down I was not getting married again. At first, she was totally on board, but after about a year and a half she started talking about how she really would like to be proposed to and have a wedding someday if I wouldn't mind. Not sign the papers, not get legally married, but just to do it for her, and I suspect for her billions of super right wind relatives if I'm being honest.

So... at our two year anniversary, in front of all of friends and family I proposed. It went really well, the kids helped me, she was completely caught of guard, lots of crying and a big party afterwards. My ex-wife (who ended up being there) ran up and hugged her and thanked her for being such a great mom to our kids, and they both cried and hugged and it was awesome. As far as everyone else knows, we are getting legally married.

So that's one thing. It happened back in February and I thought about coming here and saying something, but I'll be honest, I was, and am, in a really good place, and I figured it would be mostly a shit show, and I kind of went "Ehhh fuck those guys". Most of you are great, and it's not like I haven't deserved to be mocked or given a hard time on occasion, but I just had no desire to have my life the weekly center of attention for good and bad at the time.

So, here comes thing number 2.

She wants a baby. She's always wanted a baby, her ex-husband didn't, and she never really wanted him to be someones dad if that makes sense. She loves our boys, but she wants to be pregnant and have an actual infant. Now, the boys are 7 and 9 now, they are both the best kids on the planet and I'm totally good. I had a vasectomy, I was, and am, ready to be done. That being said, I could have another one, I do think I'm a great dad, and so.. why not?

So, there are some other concerns. She was born with 1 kidney and a bisected vagina. About half an inch into her vagina is a septum, like someones nose, with a left and right side. She has 2 vaginal canals, that each have their own cervix, and each have their own uterus, and each have 1 ovary. So, almost like you drew a line down the middle of a picture of the female reproductive tract and just split everything in two. This doesn't really effect sex but I was concerned what this means for getting pregnant you know?

Well, for the last few months we have been making weekly trips to Vegas, and paying thousands, to go to a fertility clinic. We got the big final results about 2 weeks ago, and while we expected maybe a couple of complications, everything seemed to be going super well and we thought we were going to need to spend $15k on IVF, but it was doable. Yeah, so that's not what we got at all. Just about everything that could be negative was. My testosterone is way below what they wanted at minimum (which seems odd to me, because I still have a fucking teenagers libido), so they can't even be sure my body is producing sperm, they can't know without doing a biopsy of my testicle. Then there is her, The chemical that her brain puts out for a regular monthly reproductive cycle is through the roof, like 400% higher than what they want to see max (which at least proves that her brain is actually baby crazy) which means that her body is working WAAAAAAY harder than it should have to. Now, they wanted to see a minimum of 20 eggs in her latest cycle.. she had 6. There's another chemical that tells them around how many eggs her body has in reserve, she was 800% lower than what they wanted to see minimum. And lastly, her uterus's where each half the size of a normal uterus, which would make carrying a baby either impossible, or super high risk.

So, basically what they told us is that the next step is around $20,000 to try to get eggs from her, try to get sperm from me, and then we would need a surrogate to actually carry the baby. So, we were pretty fucking crushed. We talked the entire trip back from Vegas about what our next steps were.

We looked into adoption, and found that it starts between 30-50,000 to get a baby, it can also take years (not the biggest concern). We talked about possibly doing an international adoption, thinking that would probably be cheaper and easier, BOY WAS I WRONG. Double the price at best, and just really really rough. I could go online right now and order a full grown Russian lady to be my wife within the hour, but good luck getting an unwanted child.

We started looking at the foster system, but its basically a horror show, and after talking with a few friends who work in that industry, if you do get a baby, chances are its born a drug addict or with severe issues.

Ideally, we would know someone, who is related to someone, who works with someone, who has a teenage daughter that gets pregnant, can't keep the baby and doesn't want an abortion. That seems like a long shot. It's really looking like our best option is going to be the adoption.

Anyway, we had a big event party thing to go to a couple of days ago, and my ex-wife ended up being there. We were talking about some other stuff, just her and I, and she says "I hope your not upset, but my mom told me about whats happening with you guys not being able to have a baby, and I'm so sorry" I had told her mom (her parents are great friends of ours) right after it had happened. So, I thank her and kind of explain exactly what the situation was, and she breaks out in tears and starts saying how she wants us to know, that if we need her too that she will carry a baby for us. So then I'm crying, because she fucking hated being pregnant and it was just so unexpected, and my lady comes over to us wondering why we are hugging and crying all over each other and we tell her, and then the three of us are crying and we tell her we will think about it.

I don't know, its rough, its amazing she would offer that, but I feel like that would be such a weird situation. I don't know what we will do ultimately. Neither one of us really cares at this point if its biologically ours I think, but I'm sure that would be a plus. Having my ex-wife tied to that third child probably isn't ideal, but what is at this point? Another thing, the cost for attempting that, if we did go that route, would be around $20,000 I think, for a chance, no guarantees. For double that, we could guarantee get matched with a pregnant stranger. A lot to think about.

To brighten the mood, I randomly got a friend request on Facebook from a girl the other day who's picture I didn't recognize, but I was sure I knew the name. I went to accept and the request was gone, so I sent them a message saying "I saw that, you stalker! I'm guessing we know each other? I'm sorry I can't place you by name and you have a profile picture of a dog. Whats up?"

It ended up being the girl I had the one night stand with who scared the everliving shit out of me. The girl who scratched the paint of my walls, hit me, chocked me, and begged me to hate/hurt fuck her, the girl who said she was coming back the next day with a stun gun, that this first night was just the beginning. I can sum this all up as "The girl who physically scared me, and was the embodiment of whatever sexual limits I have.".

She was "just thinking about you and wanting to see whats up"

I replied "Living the dream! "

She didn't reply back. Lol.

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Soygen said:

Was this your first time hanging out with this particular group of people? If it's a repeat situation, I can see saying fuck it, but I've also made great sacrifice in faking like I'm having a good time to make a good impression early on. Sometimes you have to put your Disney knowledge tot the test for the good of the relationship.

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Khane said:

Trouble in paradise boys!

GF and I were at a house party yesterday at one of her friend's. It was unseasonably hot out all day but when the sun started to go down it got really nice out. Which is when her group of loser friends (I say this as affectionately as possible) wanted to go inside the extremely hot house (because all the AC window units had already been removed) to go play Disney Scene It! I elected to sit outside on the deck and enjoy a beer and the night air instead of sitting in a hot room, on a floor (they didn't have enough seating) playing a game I have no interest in because it's for 12 year olds. This caused all her friends to ask her difficult, traumatic questions like "Where is he?" and "How come he isn't playing?". Which would have required hard hitting, honest answers like "It's really hot in here" and "He doesn't feel like sitting on the floor".

Got the silent treatment the rest of the night.

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Soygen said:

You should've started with this. Yeah, I wouldn't even show up for that...

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