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Is your wife a submissive? My wife is the same way and she uses submissiveness as an excuse to not have to take the lead in sex.
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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a c i d.f l y
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I feel ya. While it leads to some god damn awesome kinky sex most of the time, would nice to feel like she's thinking about sex sometimes too. It would also be nice if she didn't balk at certain things. I realize it's a give and take, just because I'm in "control" doesn't mean I get to do whatever I want. Still, would be nice that I could have anal whenever I wanted it, within reason.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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a c i d.f l y
It could also be that if she is submissive and willing at any time, and appears to enjoy it when you initiate, that she would psychologically not enjoy it if she had to initiate. She might be on pins and needles hoping you will initiate, and can't wait to have you, but she has to feel like you're ordering it to get off so thats how she does it. It doesn't mean she doesn't want it, she just needs a certain thing to be able to do it.
This is where compatibility comes in; ideally you'd both be flexible and sometimes you initiate and sometimes she initiates and you both have similar sex drives so this all works out neatly... but reality isn't always this case. Often one partner is submissive and the other is also submissive (picture Tanoomba and your wife, he's sitting waiting for her to demand pegging and she's sitting there waiting for him to take the lead, but all he provides is forehead kisses and amine pillows). Or if they are both dominant, thats the "strong woman" thing that a lot of guys don't like, they don't want to be thrown down and ridden like a donkey until she comes and then she walks off and you feel used... but some guys LOVE this. Other guys want to dominate the woman exactly as your wife desires.
So it really depends on your compatibility; if her initiating and taking the lead is something you absolutely gotta have then you two might not be that compatible. But I'd look at the upside to this and realize that if she never says no, is always willing, and appears to enjoy it, that she actually does want it, and probably badly; she just craves that need from you to initiate it, thats what validates her sexuality and desire within herself.
Just my .02...
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I agree, and for the most part it works out. Sometimes the initiator needs a push to get going and that kind of setup prevents it. Especially frustrating when she remarks on you not wanting sex recently.
It could also be that if she is submissive and willing at any time, and appears to enjoy it when you initiate, that she would psychologically not enjoy it if she had to initiate. She might be on pins and needles hoping you will initiate, and can't wait to have you, but she has to feel like you're ordering it to get off so thats how she does it. It doesn't mean she doesn't want it, she just needs a certain thing to be able to do it.
This is where compatibility comes in; ideally you'd both be flexible and sometimes you initiate and sometimes she initiates and you both have similar sex drives so this all works out neatly... but reality isn't always this case. Often one partner is submissive and the other is also submissive (picture Tanoomba and your wife, he's sitting waiting for her to demand pegging and she's sitting there waiting for him to take the lead, but all he provides is forehead kisses and amine pillows). Or if they are both dominant, thats the "strong woman" thing that a lot of guys don't like, they don't want to be thrown down and ridden like a donkey until she comes and then she walks off and you feel used... but some guys LOVE this. Other guys want to dominate the woman exactly as your wife desires.
So it really depends on your compatibility; if her initiating and taking the lead is something you absolutely gotta have then you two might not be that compatible. But I'd look at the upside to this and realize that if she never says no, is always willing, and appears to enjoy it, that she actually does want it, and probably badly; she just craves that need from you to initiate it, thats what validates her sexuality and desire within herself.
Just my .02...
Phazael
Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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Welcome back Noodle.
Also, this suggests that she is basically just lazy and will let you do anything for her that she can dupe you into doing. You should approach any future issues with this knowledge and act appropriately. Its not that she is unable to clean or unwilling, she just did not want to do it herself if you were going to do it for her. Its very childlike mentality and social shame is the best way to counter that BS, so bravo on that. Having said that, it also might be simple ape brain thought where she wants you to assert authority over her, which is irrelevant because the same solution works in both cases and you get to be the 1950s style alpha male in your house. Something to ponder the next time she gets snippy over your video game time.
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Phazael
Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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If you are getting laid whenever you want and everything else is good, I say let sleeping dogs lie. Why fuck up a good thing?
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Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Ride that ass as long as you can. They all slow down. Except the bangmaids.
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a c i d.f l y
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It could also be that if she is submissive and willing at any time, and appears to enjoy it when you initiate, that she would psychologically not enjoy it if she had to initiate. She might be on pins and needles hoping you will initiate, and can't wait to have you, but she has to feel like you're ordering it to get off so thats how she does it. It doesn't mean she doesn't want it, she just needs a certain thing to be able to do it.
This is where compatibility comes in; ideally you'd both be flexible and sometimes you initiate and sometimes she initiates and you both have similar sex drives so this all works out neatly... but reality isn't always this case. Often one partner is submissive and the other is also submissive (picture Tanoomba and your wife, he's sitting waiting for her to demand pegging and she's sitting there waiting for him to take the lead, but all he provides is forehead kisses and amine pillows). Or if they are both dominant, thats the "strong woman" thing that a lot of guys don't like, they don't want to be thrown down and ridden like a donkey until she comes and then she walks off and you feel used... but some guys LOVE this. Other guys want to dominate the woman exactly as your wife desires.
So it really depends on your compatibility; if her initiating and taking the lead is something you absolutely gotta have then you two might not be that compatible. But I'd look at the upside to this and realize that if she never says no, is always willing, and appears to enjoy it, that she actually does want it, and probably badly; she just craves that need from you to initiate it, thats what validates her sexuality and desire within herself.
Just my .02...
Solid, and very good explanation. Her initiating isn't a requirement for me. And after reading this, made me remember when I've been with the aggressive, ride me dry type, extra vocal, trash talky, and not really enjoying that too much, so what you've said makes total sense.
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Alex
Still a Music Elitist
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I hear you, man. I somewhat recently met someone who was fantastic. And I was getting anxious because I felt like it was going too well. Ended up being the case because she dropped the bomb on me that she was technically still married. Even though they're separated and don't live together. Still, it's weird that he's still very much apart of her life and I cringed inside every time she said "my husband". We still talk here and there and hang occasionally. But nothing dedicated can come from this until that ends. She works at a good brewery in town so I'm definitely still taking advantage of the free beers I get when I visit.
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Adebisi
Clump of Cells
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Isn't divorce only reeeeally needed if you want to get re-married?
My ex and I are currently working through our separation agreement. I'm going to keep the house and pay her out half of what it's current value is (minus mortgage of course). She's keeping the Honda Pilot, I keep the Honda Civic ... I get a little back from that deal, since the Pilot is pristine. Now working on the kids schedule - which is 50/50.
My ex and I are currently working through our separation agreement. I'm going to keep the house and pay her out half of what it's current value is (minus mortgage of course). She's keeping the Honda Pilot, I keep the Honda Civic ... I get a little back from that deal, since the Pilot is pristine. Now working on the kids schedule - which is 50/50.
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Phazael
Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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If you don't get the divorce and get it immediately, it opens up a whole other host of bullshit they can fuck you over with, especially if you actually move on with life and get successful again. All it would take is for her life to hit a rough patch while you are doing well in both finances and relationship to motivate her to assrape you in court at that point. Remember you are separated for a reason and a little short term pain saves a lifetime of major fuckery down the road. Its not like ex-wives are ever petty bitches who decide to retaliate out of base jealousy or anything.....
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moonarchia
The Scientific Shitlord
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...........have you ever read this thread, Bisi? Cut that cord ASAP and get every fucking detail in writing. Do it for your sake, her sake, and the kids' sakes.
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Noodleface
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moonarchia
The Scientific Shitlord
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