Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Izo said:

Maybe she should try being a switch or bottom at home?

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As I've said - she is a true lifestyle fetishist/Dominant - eg it's not just a job for her. Nowadays, any half attractive girl can make a Twitter, call themselves a "fin-domme" and sucker in simps to send them cash. She told me she was travelling around Europe to meet people for free play sessions before she realised she could make it a job.

Their relationship was apparently 24/7 femdom, now apparently the fetish stuff is just limited to the bedroom

Izo said:

How do you factor in, are you romanticly involved, or want to be with your dom friend? Sounds complex to be sure.

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Big Phoenix said:

Maybe hes a client?

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We are friends. We met last year at a Fetish Party and she said she wanted to keep partying with me. In January she'd had fight with BF and invited me to spend weekend with her to make him jealous. I then met up with her in Berlin so we could go to Kit Kat (famous sex/fetish club) together. Before Corona she had a visit to UK lined up for another fetish party.

I suggested she make an Onlyfans last year and we've messed around a bit on camera

As soon as EU re-opened borders she suggested going away for a few nights, so we went to Spain.

She previously said the BF was very jealous of me, but before the party she said it wouldn't be awkward because he didn't have a problem with me. I never believed that for one second.

There's a total lack of trust - when we were on holiday we were queuing to go into a nightclub and she started yelling into her phone and holding it towards the music so he could hear she was actually at a nightclub.

The day before her birthday, we were out for dinner with one of her friends. She had an argument with the BF and turned her phone off, apparently that made him mad/worried.

But yeah, there's a mutual attraction/chemistry - we enjoy each others company and we enjoy partying together. But a) we live in diff Countries and b) she's a fucking psycho

Big Phoenix said:

Call me crazy but I have zero idea how you can be friends with a person who gets off on torturing their partners and is incredibly emotionally and mentally abusive.

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It's her job.

You realise that some people have fetishes, some people like being beaten up, whipped, caned, humiliated? Some black men go to white Dominatrixes so they can get racially abused. Some people like getting shat on.

The first fucking Wachowski Bro to transition did so after starting a relationship with a famous Hollywood Dominatrix - and guess what, "forced feminisation" is an actual fetish.

She is combining her fetishes with her profession whilst also making other peoples fantasies come true, and making probably over $200k a year whilst living in an an Eastern European Country. I've seen the size and scale of her BDSM dungeon and it's literally no expense spared.

You do realise that just like any job, when she's not on the clock, or with clients she can actually be a normal human being? Or do you think doctors go home and check the chicken for a pulse before they put it in the fucking oven?


I don't know how many times I can say it - the BF knew what he was getting into.

She told me she was on holiday with an ex-BF, they had a fight so she went and found a random guy to fuck. If she told me that, then she also told the current BF the same. And I know for a fact there's stuff she hasn't shared with me. So he knows everything I know and some extra AND HE STILL WILLINGLY PURSUED HER TO THE EXTENT HE LOST WEIGHT, PRETENDED TO BE SUBMISSIVE ETC IN ORDER TO LAND HER.

She's a self described "party girl" who does cocaine every week. She also told me she is bipolar and a narcissist (although I think she just meant vain)

He has a profession which is highly regulated from an ethical standpoint - they literally couldn't be more incompatible, but somehow he landed her. Now he's terrified of losing her, which is probably one trigger for the violence.

But honestly man, if you're gonna keep saying the same things I'll just ignore you

Izo said:

I donno, reading suggests it’s the sub who has control, and the dom that facilitates the game. I’m sure being a dom is more complex than just to be mean to someone. Hence why it could be harder to step away when someone is mean to them? Where’s the FoH degenerates when we need them.

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In a professional context you're right. If you go to see a Pro-Domme then you give her your list of fetishes and fantasies, and it's her job to incorporate them.

I don't know what it's like when you're in a 24/7 femdom relationship with a Dominatrix, but I imagine it's maintaining the "protocol" and Mistress/Slave dynamic everywhere, not just in the bedroom or for a 1-2 hour session.

Of course, this doesn't mean that she doesn't enjoy vanilla activities or vanilla sex. When she said their relationship was no longer 24/7 then of course, if she's on the job all day then it's nice to come home and switch off for a bit.

lurkingdirk said:

An open relationship that doesn't work

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Technically it's not an open relationship. It's one where the BF is dating a sex worker, so has to accept her clients. She also told him at the start that if he couldn't fulfill any of her fetishes, she would find someone who would (whatever that means)

The issue is that some of her clients are very close to her. I know she has one regular client who's been seeing her for two years, this guy recently helped out a lot renovating her BDSM studio and they were growing closer. She also uses him for Onlyfans filming. There's also at least one other regular client that she counts as being very close to. And both these guys are effectively her "slaves"

So yeah, it's like dating a sex worker/porn star. Except she's not having sex on camera, just doing fetish stuff eg whipping, strapon etc

Deathwing said:

That's not what Ossoi is asking. You gotta read between the lines. Or quite literally some of the lines:



He wants current BF out of the picture so he can move in guilt-free. He also edited out the part about going down on her, but not sure why.

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Did you not read this line " But yeah, there's a mutual attraction/chemistry - we enjoy each others company and we enjoy partying together. But a) we live in diff Countries and b) she's a fucking psycho"

But yeah, there are times when we've hung out and she's stopped things from going further, and times she hasn't.

Big Phoenix said:

This. Only thing thinking straight is his dick.

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If the BF wasn't thinking with his dick he'd run a mile.

It's easy for me to say she's a psycho but if she lived down the road from me then yeah a relationship would be a lot harder to pass up

Big Phoenix said:

Dude this woman is an utter train wreck, everything thats happening to her is due to her own actions. From everything you have said she is just as abusive and toxic as her bf.

You cant do anything for this woman. Think with the right head and cut her out of your life. A few hours of good sex isnt worth weeks and months of misery.

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Turn my back on her a week after finding out she's in an abusive relationship? And then lets imagine she is seriously hurt, or worse - how do you think I would feel then?

And you realise you're justifying his violence towards her?

The reality is I've known her for almost a year, we met at a very difficult time of my life and when a hot girl 13 years younger says they want to party with you, go to sex/fetish clubs with you etc then it's a big confidence/ego boost.

I wrote about this in the crazy sexual adventures thread - but on the last night of our holiday she was speaking to 3 random Spanish girls, I said "afterparty?" and they all jumped in our taxi and came back with us. Shit got wild, and that's exactly the kind of madness that I expect when we're together.

Big Phoenix said:

. Downloading Tinder and talking to people on it for the sole purpose of antagonizing your partner is incredibly cruel.

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I'm not denying that, but if you know that she went one step further and found someone to fuck after a fight with the ex-BF and went to massive lengths to pursue her anyway, surely you can't have any complaints when she treats you the same?

That's what you keep overlooking - that the guy knew all this but pursued her anyway.

And TRUST ME, you guys have heard nothing yet.

Big Phoenix said:

I dunno what to tell you man. You are spending way, way too much time on someone who by all accounts is more radioactive than Chernobyl.

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and you're still going round in circles.

You're pointing out she's toxic, I'm not denying that.

You're trying to justify the violence towards her. I'm telling you repeatedly the guy knew what he was getting into. And that's when you go back to Point A.

I've told her, she's a black widow - and do the male spiders know they'll get ate but go mate with the female anyway.

Gavinmad said:

What the fuck point are you trying to make here?

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isn't it obvious?