Haast
Lord Nagafen Raider
- 3,281
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If I went through 2 heinous divorces, I would probably take solace in a bangmaid too.
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
- Start date
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
- 28,566
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Word. At least he learned the whole marriage thing wasn't for him. Some people just keep getting back on that horse and falling off.
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
- 14,730
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edit: meant to say dad instead of stepdad in my initial post..
Well, to be honest my dad is a good guy. Both wives (including my mom) dated him while he err, ran an "import" operation if you know what I mean (this is 30 years ago). Hardly worked, had lots of money, and constantly travelled. They basically lived an exciting "party" lifestyle. However, once he got married they both wanted him to get an "honest" job (and they knew what he did beforehand, in detail), and low and behold when he started working 9-5 they both started complaining about lack of money, that he wasn't home as much, that they don't travel as much anymore, etc.. As if their expectation that your average Joe worker could maintain the same level of money, energy, and free time that someone that makes one transaction a month does.. Mom took him to the cleaners, as did his 2nd wife. He's now semi-broke as a result, and in retirement.
He didn't import the Philipino btw (which I implied) she was already in Canada and they met through a friend that was also married to a Philipino. He just said if he had to do it all over he'd skip over Western women entirely, and go Import Asian. He's just justifiably bitter based upon his experiences, and considering I was around to witness most of it, I don't blame him much.
P.S: And yes, both divorces were super nasty, and both my mom and my stepmom used the kids as pawns to get what they wanted. Loved my mother deeply, but even up until the day of her passing her conduct during the divorce was still embittering. When I was a kid I used to joke that Kramer Vs. Kramer was a comedy compared to what I went through. Also, he wasn't planning on getting married a second time, but she got pregnant and refused an abortion, so he "did the right thing"..
Big Phoenix
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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So your dad was some type of drug courier/dealer and surprised the type of woman that attracted?
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
- 14,730
- 31,803
nah, just Green. He was a hippy. Travelled the world in a VW camper with my mom. Also, this was back in Canada circa 1970, not gangland USA present day.
Izo
Tranny Chaser
- 19,703
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Yeah sounds like he pulled the old bait and switch. Where once you get married things change dramatically and everyone is confused why this new situation isn't working out.
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
- 14,730
- 31,803
FYI he wasn't some rich-ass character out of Scarface. Again, he was a hippy, so it wasn't about amassing assets, but having enough money to live some carefree hippy lifestyle. For instance he lived in a one bedroom and drove a Volvo, but took four vacations a year.. As for my mom, she was a 21 year old na?ve sheltered chick that grew up in a traditional household where the sole expectation was that she got married. Dad took her out of her bubble, travelled the world with her, and she fell in love with a person/situation that wasn't representative of a married lifestyle. Once the fantasy ended and the normal grind of life took over, she wasn't happy anymore.. So Tenk's analysis is mostly correct, though he didn't really "bait and switch"-- if it was up to him he would have continued what he was doing.. The 2nd wife situation irked me more, as she wanted to get married, he said he wasn't going to do that again, and then a few months later she was pregnant...
Phazael
Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
- 14,836
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Yeah it would have been one thing if he had settled down and then got married. Two people trying to go through that sort of transition at the same time and same pace is a recipe for disaster. At least he had the good sense to go legit before having kids, which I respect a lot. I can definitely see how your views on marriage got shaped, though.
My own parents were sort of rock band hippy types who had a cover band for roughly 16 years, hanging it up for legit jobs when I was a junior in high school. Lots of drugs, drinking, partying, and general goofing around went on. But they were always nuclear family by day, even if they were not the greatest role models and gone a lot playing gigs. There were some rough patches over them missing playing, but I think the fact that they had the family by day thing made the transition a lot smoother and more gradual. These days, you wouldn't even know they did that shit back in the day if you were not acquainted with them. I missed a lot of important shit with them due to the demands of their band, but the relationship stuff all stuck with me, hence I have this weird mix of old fashioned values and not giving a shit about traditional roles thing going on.
My family has never had divorce and if something happened, I would never event try to remarry. One and done is our family rule, even if you have to kill the other person in their sleep to be done (which I have given my wife the go ahead on if she gets tired of my bullshit). I know shit happens though and not everyone is wired the same way on that, so I don't judge people who hit the altar twice. I think a third trip is pointless, though. At that point, shack up with someone who is your friend if you have to and call it a life. People who take three tries to get it right are not cut out for marriage. Or (likely in Cali or Dallas) they are picking out partners like other people pick out wardrobe accessories/pets.
TLDR- More often than not, the nature of your parents' relationship shapes how you conduct your own down the road.
My own parents were sort of rock band hippy types who had a cover band for roughly 16 years, hanging it up for legit jobs when I was a junior in high school. Lots of drugs, drinking, partying, and general goofing around went on. But they were always nuclear family by day, even if they were not the greatest role models and gone a lot playing gigs. There were some rough patches over them missing playing, but I think the fact that they had the family by day thing made the transition a lot smoother and more gradual. These days, you wouldn't even know they did that shit back in the day if you were not acquainted with them. I missed a lot of important shit with them due to the demands of their band, but the relationship stuff all stuck with me, hence I have this weird mix of old fashioned values and not giving a shit about traditional roles thing going on.
My family has never had divorce and if something happened, I would never event try to remarry. One and done is our family rule, even if you have to kill the other person in their sleep to be done (which I have given my wife the go ahead on if she gets tired of my bullshit). I know shit happens though and not everyone is wired the same way on that, so I don't judge people who hit the altar twice. I think a third trip is pointless, though. At that point, shack up with someone who is your friend if you have to and call it a life. People who take three tries to get it right are not cut out for marriage. Or (likely in Cali or Dallas) they are picking out partners like other people pick out wardrobe accessories/pets.
TLDR- More often than not, the nature of your parents' relationship shapes how you conduct your own down the road.
I think this is a common pitfall many failed marriages fall into. It is just this one is more easily contrasting because he went from being a nomadic hippy to being a "normal" married guy. But plenty of people neglect to tell their wife that she's beautiful, buy her flowers, take her out on dates and all the things you did when you were dating that is now taken for granted now that you're married.
Which reminds me I really need to surprise my wife with flowers. She loves when I do that and I haven't done it for quite a while. It is only like $10 to buy them from the grocery store and it goes a long way.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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I've been looking for so mething to do for my wife who's been carrying our child for 8 months. She isn't into flowers and has a cabinet filled with candy
Cad
scientia potentia est
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