Ocean's Eight (2018)

Frenzied Wombat said:

no violence, no nudity

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Screamfeeder said:

I walked by the giant poster for this with my girl (Hollywood Junior Exec type) after we went and saw Solo a second time a while back and her exact words were "Jesus fucking christ who in the hell would pay to see this pandering bullshit in a theater. We will save that for a stoned night home alone."

I hope you enjoyed your date.

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Screamfeeder said:

You think those are great, you should see what a sane, stable, brilliant woman that leaves you alone when you want and indulges your massive G-scale train and lego habit could do for you.

I hope you got a handful of them DDD or I'd call that a loss brother.

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Frenzied Wombat said:

So I'm ashamed to admit that I got pressed into seeing this POS by my date instead of Deadpool 2. That alone should be a red flag to find another date, but she was hot so I caved.

Though I've never been a huge fan of any of the Ocean movies, they were at least entertaining and featured a selection of serviceable actors. This movie was basically just a shitty version of the previous Ocean movies with even shittier actors.

While even the previous Ocean movies required a certain level of suspension of disbelief, typically along the lines of accepting that all "steps" of their heist would play out as predicted, this movie stretches that a mile farther-- way past the point where you can accept what's going on as plausible. Basically, whoever conceived the logistics for their heist didn't even bother brainstorming for some plausible scenarios, and just rammed in a bunch of unlikely coincidences as a replacement for a logical story. It's the type of movie where as the heist unfolds, you just constantly go "oh, c'mon lol" at the unlikely series of events.

Then you've got the Ocean's "team". Sandra Bullock as the icy logistician that plots the heist-- she basically has one facial expression the entire movie, though that may be more the plastic surgery than her acting ability. You've got Cate Blanchett as a tomboy motorcycle broad, weirdo looking ghetto gangsta Asian broad as the pickpocket, Mindy kailing as a jewel specialist, Helena Carter as a fashion designer, and fucking Rihanna as their badass "IT hacker" rofl.. None of them are particularly convincing in their roles.. Watching Rihanna hack with her Macbook is particularly amusing.

Finally, if the poorly written heist wasn't bad enough, there is zero action/violence in this movie--none. No guns, no physical altercations-- not even someone getting knocked out. Now you don't need violence to make a good movie, but in a heist movie removing it entirely ups your requirement for story/character depth, of which this movie was sorely lacking. As a result, long periods just feel boring.

Oh yeah, there's only one male character in this movie that gets more than a few minutes screen time, and of course he's a rich philandering artist douchebag.

5/10 and that's kinda generous considering no violence, no nudity, no humor of worth, and a nonsensical heist plot.

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Screamfeeder said:

Pfft. See, you ain't from here in the Inner Circle. We get to have both. In whatever backwater you are from you have to pick and choose your mates based on Brain or Body (or maybe just Breathing).

Not here my friend. The bounty is plentiful.

For the record she doesn't gives a shit about politics (Thinks Bernie is a fag and Trump is a clown), is hairless from eyebrow down and she wore this green and black yoga thing this morning that cost more than my last months Steam account. It worked son. Oh hell did it work.

So based on these long winded replies and our give and take with no answer from you, I am going to assume you didn't even get a shoulder rub against those DDD's.

Shame.

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Screamfeeder said:

Bitch we are talking about some date you went on 3 goddamn days ago. Did you touch these boobs or not motherfucker? What is this "lets not get into the past" garbage son!

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Screamfeeder said:

Pfft. See, you ain't from here in the Inner Circle. We get to have both. In whatever backwater you are from you have to pick and choose your mates based on Brain or Body (or maybe just Breathing).

Not here my friend. The bounty is plentiful.

For the record she doesn't gives a shit about politics (Thinks Bernie is a fag and Trump is a clown), is hairless from eyebrow down and she wore this green and black yoga thing this morning that cost more than my last months Steam account. It worked son. Oh hell did it work.

So based on these long winded replies and our give and take with no answer from you, I am going to assume you didn't even get a shoulder rub against those DDD's.

Shame.

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Screamfeeder said:

Pfft. See, you ain't from here in the Inner Circle. We get to have both. In whatever backwater you are from you have to pick and choose your mates based on Brain or Body (or maybe just Breathing).

Not here my friend. The bounty is plentiful.

For the record she doesn't gives a shit about politics (Thinks Bernie is a fag and Trump is a clown), is hairless from eyebrow down and she wore this green and black yoga thing this morning that cost more than my last months Steam account. It worked son. Oh hell did it work.

So based on these long winded replies and our give and take with no answer from you, I am going to assume you didn't even get a shoulder rub against those DDD's.

Shame.

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