[bunch of stuff so crazy it hurts]
So yeah...He's the Brad Mcquaid of Parenting.
No sir, your dad is like the ghetto Howard Hughes of parenting.
Brad being your parent would have been much worse...
Brad would have told everyone what an amazing child you were and how awesome you were going to be when you grew up. He would tell everyone how hard he was working to make sure you were going to turn out to be a success. He would even go so far as to pass around photos of other people's children. He would talk about the prestigious boarding school he's sent you to, and how incredibly expensive it is. He would always be asking your family members for help with money or food or whatever.
Meanwhile he's making you live in a dog kennel while feeding you expired cans of dinty moore chili and beef stew he gets from the save a lot grocery store down the street. He's stealing all of your birthday and Christmas presents; conspicuously asking that people leave the receipts, you know, just in case you don't like them or they aren't the right size. He's also claiming that you are like four people for the purpose calculating tax credits.
When things get really rough he throws you down the stairs, takes you to the emergency room claiming you fell off your bike, and then throws a party upstairs where he and his buddies burn through the whole month's supply of painkillers the doctors prescribed for your broken arm.
Finally, the truth comes out when Brad's garage explodes because his homemade "candy factory" goes critical. Shattering what would have been a peaceful afternoon on a sleepy cul de sac, bits and pieces of lies, addiction, pain, and your upper palette and strewn all over the neighborhood. The fantasy world Brad had constructed for himself goes up in smoke, or up his nose, either way, you, his precious creation, are now dead. All that remains is for "The Darkness" to come closing in and cover brad, like a blanket made of crying. "The Darkness" of course, being a 6ft 8in 380lb convicted felon that will be Brad's cellmate.
So yeah, consider yourself lucky.
