Parent Thread

Pilforgod_sl said:

It's just night terrors, pretty common for kids. My daughter had it a little. They say it's best to just let them sleep through it and deal with it and that waking them up or trying to could make it worse for them. From everything I've read it's not something to worry about and they'll outgrow it.

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Thanks.

Yah my daughter had night terrors on and off from about two years of age until she was four. Do not try and wake them up. Just make sure they aren't going to hurt themselves with flailing or trying to get out of bed (obviously the latter isn't a concern for you at this point). Holding them helps sometimes but you really just need to let them run their course. It sucks but not much can be done while they are happening.

I have a 3-year old boy who pretty much loves nothing else but power rangers. I just finished loading every single episode the the media center. Also have a baby girl due a week from today. I'm pretty terrified to have a girl...the boy is so easy!

Deathwing_sl said:

How did you guys decide you were ready to be parents? And I don't mean financially or reading books whatever. Actually want kids.

I vacillate between valuing my free time, little kids are annoying, realizing long term I'll most likely want at least one, to just plain not wanting to lose my wife over the issue. I have a cat that for some reason, won't shit in the litter box(but will piss, thankfully). I know, it's a dumb comparison, cats aren't kids. Hopefully my kid would eventually learn not to do that. But it's hard to ignore, picking up cat shit 2-3 times a day, dealing with that pervasive smell(because it sits out while we're at work), and not drawing some similarities.

We've had my sister's two kids over twice for sleepovers. One of them is very well behaved and the other one is just energetic as fuck. I can't say we did the best job, just made pizza and sat them in front of some Pixar movies. It was very trying to get them do anything at the first request. Overall, not that bad, but I didn't come out of it with the feeling "yeah, let's do that 24/7 for a long time".

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We always knew we wanted to have a child and had that 'not ready' mindset that a lot of people have before you get kids. Then of course my wife got pregnant and it went from 'not ready' to looking really forward to it. It's really hard to explain. I also had the same attitude of 'my life is going to change and I won't have free time for anything' and while that is true to a certain extent, I wouldn't trade my kids for nothing. It truly does change your life and not just lifestyle wise but in your outlook on many things. I also agree that parenting is just not for everyone. You need to want to sacrifice everything for your kids and some people can't and won't have that mindset. Of course many people are forced into parenting in one way or the other and usually that's when issues arise.

There's also a difference caring for other people's kids and your own. I don't like dealing with other people's kids either, but I'll entertain mine all day.

Thanks for the replies. I just hate feeling helpless when he seems in such distress.

Deathwing_sl said:

How did you guys decide you were ready to be parents? And I don't mean financially or reading books whatever. Actually want kids.

I vacillate between valuing my free time, little kids are annoying, realizing long term I'll most likely want at least one, to just plain not wanting to lose my wife over the issue. I have a cat that for some reason, won't shit in the litter box(but will piss, thankfully). I know, it's a dumb comparison, cats aren't kids. Hopefully my kid would eventually learn not to do that. But it's hard to ignore, picking up cat shit 2-3 times a day, dealing with that pervasive smell(because it sits out while we're at work), and not drawing some similarities.

We've had my sister's two kids over twice for sleepovers. One of them is very well behaved and the other one is just energetic as fuck. I can't say we did the best job, just made pizza and sat them in front of some Pixar movies. It was very trying to get them do anything at the first request. Overall, not that bad, but I didn't come out of it with the feeling "yeah, let's do that 24/7 for a long time".

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My wife and I always knew we wanted kids. As far as being ready, there's no real way to explain it, we just knew when it was time. And Vandyn is right. There is a huge difference between taking care of someone else's kid and caring for your own. I can't stand other people's kids chattering at me about nothing, but I live for the times when my kid is doing nothing but chattering "goo's and gaa's" at me with a smile on his face.

You are never really ready to be a parent. What you have to think about, and it seems like you already are is how this is going to effect your life. If you feel too short of free time now then that will only get worse, if you are financially unstable then its best to not introduce another burden in that area, things of that nature. Basically are you ready to not be the center of your world anymore? I know that getting married is supposed to alter your world view from a self centered one to also caring about your partners needs, but lets be honest here. They are an adult and are fully capable of being independent of you for periods of time while still maintaining a healthy relationship. A child requires you to put them first in your decisions and choices. If you want to be a good parent, you don't have any other options.

From a personal perspective; my wife and I are separating now with almost a 99% chance of a divorce in the next year. Because of my financial situation and job opportunities I'm having to move up north while she stays where we are living currently. Our son is coming with me, but our daughter (raised her since she was one) is going to be staying with my wife. I really can't imagine living without my kids and we as adults had to make the decision that was best for them as far as living arrangements. Our daughter is from a previous marriage and she loves her mother more then anything in the world, plus you don't want to uproot them from their friends and their schooling. My son on the other hand has had me as his primary caretaker since he was born, because I was stay at home/work from home dad. For both him and I it would not be viable to be separated at all. So my wife and I had to make hard choices that are leaving both of us unhappy while hopefully doing the minimal damage to our children. They always come first, and I just can't look at it any other way. No matter what pain it causes you.

Deathwing_sl said:

How did you guys decide you were ready to be parents? And I don't mean financially or reading books whatever. Actually want kids.

I vacillate between valuing my free time, little kids are annoying, realizing long term I'll most likely want at least one, to just plain not wanting to lose my wife over the issue. I have a cat that for some reason, won't shit in the litter box(but will piss, thankfully). I know, it's a dumb comparison, cats aren't kids. Hopefully my kid would eventually learn not to do that. But it's hard to ignore, picking up cat shit 2-3 times a day, dealing with that pervasive smell(because it sits out while we're at work), and not drawing some similarities.

We've had my sister's two kids over twice for sleepovers. One of them is very well behaved and the other one is just energetic as fuck. I can't say we did the best job, just made pizza and sat them in front of some Pixar movies. It was very trying to get them do anything at the first request. Overall, not that bad, but I didn't come out of it with the feeling "yeah, let's do that 24/7 for a long time".

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We just stopped preventing after a time. We were married 5 years before we stopped preventing. We just decided (and some of you won't get this or will think I'm nuts, don't really care) that God would give us kids when He was ready for us to have em. We found out we were a month pregnant the day after I told my wife I was ready to stop preventing. Our second one came 3 years later under similar circumstances. I have 0 regrets about how we did it, and my kid (next week "kids") are the best part of my day, hands down. I was terrified to have a kid up until they put my first one in my arms the day he was born.

Oh, and all of this:

Commander Vimeseh_sl said:

You are never really ready to be a parent. What you have to think about, and it seems like you already are is how this is going to effect your life. If you feel too short of free time now then that will only get worse, if you are financially unstable then its best to not introduce another burden in that area, things of that nature. Basically are you ready to not be the center of your world anymore? I know that getting married is supposed to alter your world view from a self centered one to also caring about your partners needs, but lets be honest here. They are an adult and are fully capable of being independent of you for periods of time while still maintaining a healthy relationship. A child requires you to put them first in your decisions and choices. If you want to be a good parent, you don't have any other options.

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My son had the same kind of episodes when he was younger. We eventually learned there wasn't much we could do about it, as he was too tired to reason with. Just like your boy, he would fall back asleep after a short time. Like Pilf said above, he'll likely grow out of it.

Deathwing_sl said:

How did you guys decide you were ready to be parents? And I don't mean financially or reading books whatever. Actually want kids.

I vacillate between valuing my free time, little kids are annoying, realizing long term I'll most likely want at least one, to just plain not wanting to lose my wife over the issue. I have a cat that for some reason, won't shit in the litter box(but will piss, thankfully). I know, it's a dumb comparison, cats aren't kids. Hopefully my kid would eventually learn not to do that. But it's hard to ignore, picking up cat shit 2-3 times a day, dealing with that pervasive smell(because it sits out while we're at work), and not drawing some similarities.

We've had my sister's two kids over twice for sleepovers. One of them is very well behaved and the other one is just energetic as fuck. I can't say we did the best job, just made pizza and sat them in front of some Pixar movies. It was very trying to get them do anything at the first request. Overall, not that bad, but I didn't come out of it with the feeling "yeah, let's do that 24/7 for a long time".

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It's something I've always wanted. When I was younger, finding the right girl and getting married was a step to the ultimate goal of having kids. I love my wife very much, but there's nothing like the feeling you get when you look into your own child's eyes. I've told my wife that I love her, but the love I have for my children is completely different. I really have no idea how anyone can do anything to hurt their own kids physically or emotionally (I'm not talking discipline here).

My wife and I did wait 5 years before having kids. It's very important to spend time with just your wife to solidify the marriage and get it out of your system because once you have kids you have virtually no time to yourself. I know parents that take tons of time for themselves, but personally I don't think they're great parents and they miss a lot of their kids lives because of it. When he did come over to visit his behavior was awful, who knows if that has anything to do with it though.

Financially, I don't know if anyone is ever really ready financially. That said, even with the increased costs you're going to go out less too so there is some trade off. Kids ARE definitely expensive though.

I didnt want kids until I was probably in my early 30s. Well after a drunken night we got one when we were in our early 20s. My son is 4 now and dont regret it, but we are still waiting till we are in our early 30s for another one lol. Thankfully I lucked out with a job at the local ford assembly plant right out of high school. Puts my damn degree to almost no use unless the entire plant goes under (odds of that are basically 0). With our son though we have been dealing with Croup, he is on his 3rd Antibiotic in 6mths. I am not very hopeful with the new stuff, more than likely he will need his tonsils removed. He loves his Disney and Nick shows, however my wife and I really dont watch much TV. I have been looking into one of the Vizio boxes that turns your tv into a smartv, anyone have experience with one of these? If I can have my ESPN and football I will gladly cut my tv bill off.

Insomnia_sl said:

Thankfully I lucked out with a job at the local ford assembly plant right out of high school. Puts my damn degree to almost no use unless the entire plant goes under (odds of that are basically 0).

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I love the Fords you build, one saved my wife's life and we just bought a new Explorer Just wanted to throw that out there, I have never used Vizio. But I do have a Roku box that I used once lol.

Just as a child having a ten year difference between my sister and I, it was rough on my parents and on my sister and I having the sibling bond with such a large difference in ages. You know your life situation best though.

My wife read that 2 years apart is optimal so our daughters are 5 days away from being 2 yrs apart lol (that was actually an accident). But now she's obsessed about it so the third one is planned out to be 2 years from our second. I don't care enough to argue with her about it or research it further though.

That's my thought as well. The wife and I want the next one to be no more than 3 years apart though. I would prefer two, because I think being closer in age will let them be able to bond a little easier. I know that I was pretty close with my sister growing up and we are 1 1/2 years apart, but I'm not as close with my brother who is 5 years younger than me.

It is really simple. With being nine years older then my sister we never had any common interests or hit development milestones around the same time that allowed us to bond. Don't get me wrong, I still love her, but I was entering college while she was in third grade. It made it tough for us to be able to relate until she hit her twenties (this year) on most topics. It made it even harder on our mom because she never get a break when it came to child rearing and having to pony up the money for schools, clubs, etc.

Video monitors are fun, especially the ones that you can talk to the room with. My 2 yr old just woke up so I said through the microphone "I'll be right up, daddy loves you" and she immediately stopped reading and hid under her panda lol. I should probably stop that and not give her nightmares I guess.

j00t_sl said:

Fairly Odd Parents is amusing. not something i'd suggest just WATCHING... but my kid loves it and it makes me smile on occasion. Phineas and Ferb. that is one of the best shows ever. i am CONSTANTLY laughing when we watch it. and they're both on netflix. my son is 5 and we love it. there's plenty of episodes of both of those so it should take him some time to get through. if he's got the attention span for some longer running plots, you could always try the old justice league/JLU... i watched them all before i had kids.

for movies? there hasn't been too many "classics" lately... i'd stick with stuff like incredibles, cloudy with a chance of meatballs, stuff like that that's come out years previously that i'm sure you're aware of

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I am OBSESSED with phineas and ferb.

Ferb=the kid who played Liam Neeson's son in Love Actually, Doofenschmirz's daughter is the chick who sings all I want for Xmas is you at the end of Love Actually. They've actually written a lot of the songs. He will actually have a role on Game of Thrones this season.

I really wish someone would make me a perry the platypus animated avatar w/Doofenschmirz's daughter.

Target had an awesome agent P ornament this year - totally bought it.

Our friend has two kids and that's how my husband and I got hooked. If I find that its on (ESP a marathon) it goes right to the TV.