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Caeden

Caeden

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Volto! said:
I don’t understand the rational behind waiting until your child is an adult before talking to them about a sibling that has passed. I’d be upset if my parents waited until I was in my 20s or whatever before I found out I (would have) had a brother or sister. Why not just be honest and straight forward about it? I’d imagine that as long as the parents are coping in a healthy manner, then so too will the kid in all likelihood. Kids are tough - tougher than we often give them credit for. Just my two cents.
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I tend to agree. And a lot of counselors and even a psychiatrist have given us advice along the lines of easing them into it as they ask questions.

We’ve got two months until we’re parents a second time. Here’s hoping this goes well. It has been a horrific 11 months at times. Some say we got pregnant too soon, but she’s 35. I’m 38. We don’t have a lot of time left and we met late in life. We also didn’t expect her to get pregnant the first two weeks off birth control too.

One of her coworkers said she shouldn’t be saddling a kid with being a replacement kid and that we would be better off not having another. First, it’s not a replacement. Emotionally it doesn’t even work that way. At all.

Second, fucking women man. For all the talk of sisterhood, they rip each other to shreds.
 
agripa

agripa

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Anyone here take a PMT class? We have to take them at my kids preschool and it is pretty helpful at making me parent better. It boils down to rewarding good behaviors to increase positive outcomes and ignoring bad behaviors to decrease negative outcomes.

PMT
 
ToeMissile

ToeMissile

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agripa said:
Anyone here take a PMT class? We have to take them at my kids preschool and it is pretty helpful at making me parent better. It boils down to rewarding good behaviors to increase positive outcomes and ignoring bad behaviors to decrease negative outcomes.

PMT
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My daughter is pretty strong willed/defiant when she wants to be, definitely going to take a look at this.

Interview w/ the author of the book you linked:
The Alan Kazdin Method for Making Your Children Behave - The Atlantic
 
Gavinmad

Gavinmad

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Tarrant said:
After having 3 kids and using the spanking on my oldest at times, but never much, only once on my daughter and never on my youngest...I came to the belief that spanking is a lazy form of parenting. There are better ways to establish boundaries and consequences than showing them that hitting is an acceptable answer. Those ways may take longer or take more thought but they are there and in my opinion, are more effective. Spanking is just circumventing that process and taking a lazy, easy way out, imo.
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From observing a friend's kids as well as my nieces, the proper use of spanking as a disciplinary tool is as a last resort when the threat of spanking fails, and even then until they're a bit older the single symbolic swat is usually enough to bring them to tears.
 
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Tarrant

Tarrant

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Gavinmad said:
From observing a friend's kids as well as my nieces, the proper use of spanking as a disciplinary tool is as a last resort when the threat of spanking fails, and even then until they're a bit older the single symbolic swat is usually enough to bring them to tears.
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I'd say it depends how early you start working at alternative methods. With my oldest yes this became true, but with my next two I went a different route and both got to the point where a stern look from me was enough to get them into line and the same went for my oldest too. To this day all three are very mindful, polite kids. The only time I'd break out a swat was if they were doing something dangerous and it was spur of the moment, but again, never on my youngest.

I'm not saying I have all the answer, I don't. But I feel there are better ways and my three kids who get good grades, are respectful and all around good kids (I'm told this by others too, its not just me sitting here boasting) are proof to me that thats true.
 
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alavaz

alavaz

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I think people get the reward system all screwed up too. Hell, even my wife got to the point where she treated video games and TV as just a staple and not something you would take away for punishment. To me, if it's not a necessity, it's a privilege and in the same category as a reward.

I have never spanked either of my kids, but they both respond very well to losing their toys and games. I'm sure I probably focus on the negative more than I should, but I can't help but feel that's just how life is and I don't want them to wind up being naive either. I give them kudos and such for good grades or other special accomplishments, but making it through the grocery store without throwing a fit is not something I'm patting backs over, it's just an expectation. I know adult and child psych are two different beasts entirely, but hey what I'm doing is mostly working so I have that going for me.
 
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Tarrant

Tarrant

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Agreed.

I think a lot of what helped me is I never talk down to my kids. They know I'm in charge and my word is final, but I'm always willing to listen to them, hear their side and opinions and then explain to them why They can't have it that way, or after hearing their views, tell them my amended decision, and why it's that way. They don't question it and somethings aren't happy with it but they know once I decide then that's it.


In the end I've never made them feel like their opinions don't matter and I talk to them like I'd talk to anyone else. I feel that was key for my kids, but everyone is probably different.
 
lurkingdirk

lurkingdirk

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Quineloe

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mcdj22 said:
Then his mom gets up in my face telling me not to touch him. At this point I’m over this bullshit, tell her to get him out of my house. She storms off mad at me, idgaf.


So what do you guys think? The womens are saying I was wrong. I’m saying play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I’d do it again to be honest.
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Violence is not going to solve him not being raised properly in the first place.
 
3301

3301

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Quineloe said:
Violence is not going to solve him not being raised properly in the first place.
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I agree. However this whole thing has shook me awake...I just get this sense that it was a rebuke against their evil shit and I don’t need that anymore.

Regarding the evil, a couple months ago in the summer on a really miserable hot and humid Saturday, I ask my neice to take the dogs for a walk. Then I notice she’s not back after like 20 minutes. Our pug can’t walk that far, let alone with it being super shit outside.

That morning we had this black butterfly hanging around us outside. Messenger of death....

Wife panics and asks to use her sisters car since it’s behind ours in the driveway. Sister in-law proceeds to laugh about the whole situation.

Pug gets picked up and has a temp of 104 by the time we check it. Took him two hours to cool down.

Fuck their evil shit.
 
Soygen

Soygen

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mcdj22 said:
I agree. However this whole thing has shook me awake...I just get this sense that it was a rebuke against their evil shit and I don’t need that anymore.

Regarding the evil, a couple months ago in the summer on a really miserable hot and humid Saturday, I ask my neice to take the dogs for a walk. Then I notice she’s not back after like 20 minutes. Our pug can’t walk that far, let alone with it being super shit outside.

That morning we had this black butterfly hanging around us outside. Messenger of death....

Wife panics and asks to use her sisters car since it’s behind ours in the driveway. Sister in-law proceeds to laugh about the whole situation.

Pug gets picked up and has a temp of 104 by the time we check it. Took him two hours to cool down.

Fuck their evil shit.
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Gavinmad

Gavinmad

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I mean, it's a reasonably sensible post if you just pretend he left out that butterfly shit.

Depending on how old his niece is, it's probably his own fault for not telling her not to walk him that far in that much heat and humidity. Sister in law laughing about it though? Yeah she's fucked in the head.
 
Lanx

Lanx

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mcdj22 said:
I agree. However this whole thing has shook me awake...I just get this sense that it was a rebuke against their evil shit and I don’t need that anymore.

Regarding the evil, a couple months ago in the summer on a really miserable hot and humid Saturday, I ask my neice to take the dogs for a walk. Then I notice she’s not back after like 20 minutes. Our pug can’t walk that far, let alone with it being super shit outside.

That morning we had this black butterfly hanging around us outside. Messenger of death....

Wife panics and asks to use her sisters car since it’s behind ours in the driveway. Sister in-law proceeds to laugh about the whole situation.

Pug gets picked up and has a temp of 104 by the time we check it. Took him two hours to cool down.

Fuck their evil shit.
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that shit is all on you.

are you supposed to give a disclaimer to someone when asking for a favor? it was a favor to walk the dog, does everyone know that pugs are genetic monstrosities that cannot dog properly?
 
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3301

3301

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Lanx said:
that shit is all on you.

are you supposed to give a disclaimer to someone when asking for a favor? it was a favor to walk the dog, does everyone know that pugs are genetic monstrosities that cannot dog properly?
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She's walked our dogs plenty of times before, it's why I noticed, she isn't gone that long. And I'm not joking about the butterfly...the thing would not leave us alone. You can say it's just a coincidence, but our dog did nearly die that day, and would have if I didn't notice they weren't back in a usual time frame. Cheers guys.

BF.PNG
 
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