Just back from orientation at the college of one of my oldest daughters. It was a true introduction to what life will be like for her in the fall, and while she found it exciting, it also scared the shit out of her. She's realizing how much she's going to be on her own. She'll be four hours away. No worries about academics, but no one but herself to count on for food, laundry, and the like. And she revealed what is scaring her the most: finding a community. We live in a way that is very community oriented. Our house is constantly full of people. We are often out, helping others. We put our community of friends roughly on par with family, and people know us as the type to help anyone in need. My kids have all embraced that, and have found true value in having that community surrounding you, knowing that if help is needed, it's immediately available.
She doesn't know a soul where she is going. I had a very, very long conversation (most of the four hours coming home) about how this is now her opportunity to create a new community, one that is her own. One that she chooses, and isn't imposed because she lives in our house, or she is bound by the people she sees regularly. She can make all these decisions herself. Encouraging her to make good decisions is about all I can do, and she knows that.
Something that she's not saying out loud, but is obvious, is that she is going to be four hours away from her identical twin. They're both feeling it. They have been a major part of each others identity since they were born. There is serious anxiety on both their parts about being separated. And, there is some excitement about it, too, which I believe is causing them both to feel a little guilty. They are both very strong personalities, but they play off each other.
Anyway, all of this is just musings. It's breaking my heart to watch my kids become autonomous adults. I'm so excited my kids are becoming autonomous adults. I'm going to bawl like a baby when I drop them off at college this fall, and I'll be so wicked proud of them at the same time. We have one more trip this summer where we're all going to Colorado to hike and camp together. Everyone is treating it like the end of an era kind of trip.
I predict a lot of crying at the end of summer in this house.
