Broken hearted.
My dear Nubbins, AKA Nubs, Nubby, the Nubster, died yesterday morning. He started to have trouble again with his breathing because of his trachea. Per the doc, I adjusted the med dose as it had helped initially. Saturday he wasn't well, would only eat if I fed him, but still was drinking, patrolling his yard, barking at squirrels and following me everywhere. Saturday night, he was more distressed and the doc said I could give him benadryl to help him a little with his anxiety. He seemed to sleep well but when he woke up, he was panting really hard. He needed me to lift him off the bed, he didn't want water. I put him out...had to carry him. He just stood on the porch, so I carried him into the yard. He just stood there, rapid breath. I took him back inside, tried to get him to drink some beef broth. He wouldn't. I needed him to take his med so I opened the fridge and he perked up because he knew I was getting him cheese. I wrapped up his pill in some cheese and he ate it. He was still gasping. panting, so I sat on the floor with him, holding him in my lap and scratched his throat and belly. He stretched like he was trying to get in more breath and his body relaxed so I thought the comfort and holding and scratches were working. I was wrong. He just stopped breathing...I didn't realize what was happening, I thought he was just falling to sleep.
I am now the only breathing creature in my home. I have not slept alone in this house before. I had G and Nubby, thhdn I had Nubby and now. just me. I could not stay here last night. I am going to tonight, we will see how this goes.
It really fucking sucks.