Pregnancy Thread

Tuco_sl said:

Any explanation of what this bonding is for the first three months exactly?

I'm prepped to take as much time as necessary off, but I feel like my experience will be similar to a lot of people's: I'll basically be there to help mom get stuff done and otherwise will work from home, build shit in my house and play video games.

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I feel like you start bonding with the kid more when they hit two months and start smiling and being a little more interactive. I'd say the amount of time you take is really dependent on your wife's recovery as you are primarily supporting her.

I'm bonding with my baby as soon as it can read sometimes shitty english and can play JRPGs with me, until then he is on his own.

Even if you take 3 months off, the baby is sleeping for 16-20 hours a day at 0-3 months of age.

There really isn't much bonding time to be had. Not saying you shouldn't try, but don't feel like you're missing the most important 3 months of your childs life or something.

Our newborn would wake up around 6am, be up from 6-8, sleep 8-12, wake up, eat, back to sleep by 2-6, wake up, eat dinner, back to bed 8-1am, wake up for mid-night feeding, back to sleep ASAP, from 1:30-6.

Basically a constant cycle of wake 1.5-2 hours(&eat), sleep 4-5 hrs, repeat. If you work a normal 9-5 job, you might miss 2-3 hours of awake-time, tops.

2nd child is just over 3 months, and the funnest and best moments have been seeing the transition from newborn to squawking (talking) and having so much more a personality. It's been awesome, and I'm glad I got to spend those first few months with her.

Tuco_sl said:

Any explanation of what this bonding is for the first three months exactly?

I'm prepped to take as much time as necessary off, but I feel like my experience will be similar to a lot of people's: I'll basically be there to help mom get stuff done and otherwise will work from home, build shit in my house and play video games.

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The baby will do a ton of bonding with you more than you with the baby. Don't get me wrong, it will (probably) be love at first sight and what not, but fathers do tend to feel like more bonding is happening when babies are more interactive. When they can start smiling at you and play and stuff that is often the time period where things start to click more with the fathers, vs mothers who start the bonding on their end while the baby is still in the womb. But the reality is that the first few months are a crucial time for the baby to learn that you a person they can trust and depend on to take care of their needs. It will seem very basic to you, feeding (which will probably be your wife's domain) changing diapers and holding them, but that is there entire universe. There is just a ton of development going on in their little brains those first few months and as adults it might not seem like a whole lot but it is huge for them.

The father-centric book I recommended in either this or the parent thread goes into a lot more details. It is worth the read.

*edit- Also I think it is worth noting that I'm not saying your kid will be ruined forever if you can't take that time off, I'm just advocating that if you have the opportunity you should take it.

Since I work part time with a job that allows for a very flexible schedule I'll be able to be home with the kiddo all day till mom gets home. Then I'll head to work for a few hours a few days a week. There's no way in hell we could afford day care so we're thankful for my job being flexible.

Ronaan_sl said:

13 weeks along here. This week I'll be able to attend an obgyn visit. Curious if we can already see if it's going to be a boy or a girl.

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So I missed that one because I had to stay at home with a sick kid. Going to try again on monday.
Theremightbe a chance to spot genitals, or maybe not. I don't really care either way as long as it's a healthy kid.

On the bonding thing, I feel that when you put work and effort in you get more out. Kids are no exception. it's easy to let mom do it all and I think as a dad you miss out if that happens. There is a lot of foundation building in those early months.

Not that the experience is some earth shattering thing, although there are those moments but it's just sad watching dad's that don't spend time with their kids. They look like a fish out of water when they do.

opiate82_sl said:

There is just a ton of development going on in their little brains those first few months and as adults it might not seem like a whole lot but it is huge for them.

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Babies really have a staggering amount of mental work to do when you step back and think about it. They have no language and no framework to think about anything. They have to derive an internal model of objects, gravity, vision, hearing, interpersonal relationships (never mind what a person is in the first place), all from first principles. I watch how fast my son learns and I'm fucking amazed that the process works at all.

As far as bonding, I'll be blunt and say that it was difficult to think of my son as a "real person" until he was nearly six months old. Earlier than that they're just warm fluffy little autonoma that eat, shit, and sleep. They're cute, don't get me wrong, and there's definitely a biological imperative that drives you to care for them. (If there weren't, infanticide would be WAY more popular. The first six months frankly suck.) However, when I look at how I related to my son over the last three years there was an exponential explosion in connection once he starts to be able to move and start communicating more than crying. I work from home and probably do at least 50% of the caretaking for my son. We're really tight now and I wouldn't trade the time we've had for anything. Obviously not everyone can do that, but I can't recommend strongly enough that dads spend time with their kids while they're young. The opportunities pass faster than you think and it's important for them and for you to have a deep relationship that starts out on the right foot.

My dad had a theory which seems to bear out as I look at my friends and friends' kids and how they relate to their parents. Basically, the important part of your job as parents is predominantly over by the time your kids are 7 or 8. At that stage, you have laid the foundation for their character and discipline. The rest is just minor adjustments to make sure they have a healthy environment and stay on the right track. Not that it isn't still a shit-ton of work, but you don't have high-leverage controls any more. Don't underestimate the importance of getting your input while they're young.

Pregnancy heightens your risk for developing kidney stones. Let's hope it is something simpler than that. If it is that, at least the birth will be a breeze after dealing with the pain of passing a kidney stone.

As a father, I don't really feel there was any bonding in the first month or two. Well, it was entirely one sided. At a young age like that, kids really don't seem to be anything. It isn't until they hit like 3 months old when the first smile happens that they suddenly become people. Prior to that, they're a living breathing "thing" that only exists to eat, sleep, piss, shit & cry. Your job is only to make sure they stay alive during that time frame.

After 3 months, right when that first smile hits, they suddenly wake up. They have a personality all of the sudden. They respond to your actions. They're your buddy. It was really strange at first, but when my daughter suddenly became a person, it was awesome.

That would be an awfully nice Christmas gift.

That's awesome, Tuco. Congrats, man.

It's a X-mas miracle - you'll save on gifts hence forward ;-)

Congrats, Tuco

Long labor it seems.