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Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
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14,000
supertouch_sl said:
If you're looking for a serious relationship, it doesn't make sense to go on a date with every girl you find attractive. Spark a conversation with someone and if you click, spend a month or two talking to her on the phone, video chatting, etc so you can get a deeper understanding of her without becoming distracted by the physical stuff.
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This is literally impossible. A month or two before you ever even meet? In this day and age so many people use online dating that she WILL be going out and actually meeting other people this entire time and it is very likely she will become bored with the conversation because there are 100 other assertive men asking her out on a daily basis.

I understand the sentiment behind getting to know someone and a few messages and maybe a phone conversation or two before meeting is a nice idea, but if it goes on for longer than 2 weeks or so you're just wasting your time.

If you "click" on the phone you'll "click" in person
 
D

DeadAgain!?_sl

shitlord
451
2
I have learned I needed to be more critical early on. I have had 4 - 2 year relationships pretty much in a row (a couple rebounds in between each) First one dumped me, second one was too girl next door, third was an amazing bang but psychotic, fourth is nice but doesn't have friends and isn't very social in public and has no hobbies(danger danger will robinson)

I'm now 29 and totally burned out on relationships. If something bothers you early on it will only bother you more and more as times passes. At this point in my life my career is the most important thing to me and with my career I need to be very selective of the type of people I hang around.

I guess my next step is these sites, but honestly Im so much better in person then I am online, so we will see if I have any success.
 
Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
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She probably wore a t-shirt and sweats too much and never wore makeup, and he probably likes girls who dress to the 9s and wear red lipstick. Doesn't seem that outrageous to me.
 
D

DeadAgain!?_sl

shitlord
451
2
Bland, boring, but safe. ( wouldn't cheat, lie etc) Everyone of my friends etc liked her except for me. Khane would be correct - girl could not dress to save her life.
 
Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
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DeadAgain!?_sl said:
Bland, boring, but safe. ( wouldn't cheat, lie etc) Everyone of my friends etc liked her except for me.
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This has been the story of my online dating career (the ones I actually ended up trying to date for more than a week anyway). The ones who seemed exciting have either been crazy or will just never grow up and enter the world of responsible adults.

But man, how did you date a girl for 2 years who had no friends, no hobbies and isn't social?
 
D

DeadAgain!?_sl

shitlord
451
2
We both had successful careers that had entirely different schedules. Whenever I brought her out to meet my friends or co-workers she would be stuck to my side even though they were nice, amicable people.

The crazy one was such a great bang, but was bi-polar to the fucking extreme.
 
Fifey

Fifey

Trakanon Raider
2,898
962
Khane_sl said:
This has been the story of my online dating career (the ones I actually ended up trying to date for more than a week anyway). The ones who seemed exciting have either been crazy or will just never grow up and enter the world of responsible adults.
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That's pretty much women in a nutshell, they are either boring homebodies who's good time consists of happy hour at Chilis once a week or batshit crazy party girls who are 29 and still working minimum wage jobs. I've yet to meet anything outside of those two.
 
W

Wuyley_sl

shitlord
1,443
13
rrr_img_44843.jpg
 
Famm

Famm

Ahn'Qiraj Raider
11,041
794
You don't need "relationships" in your 20's anyway. If you want to have kids someday wait until your mid 30's at least and find a nice woman who will be a good mother. Get yourself straight first and the wife shit will fall in place once you've got some experience and real earning power under your belt.
 
Joeboo

Joeboo

Molten Core Raider
8,157
140
Famm_sl said:
You don't need "relationships" in your 20's anyway. If you want to have kids someday wait until your mid 30's at least and find a nice woman who will be a good mother. Get yourself straight first and the wife shit will fall in place once you've got some experience and real earning power under your belt.
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That was my course of action. Screw around and act like a kid all through your 20s, then start to think about settling down in your 30s. Took me until I was 34 to get married, and found a woman with a great job/benefits and owned a home already. Win/win

Although my only word of caution with that plan would be that it is VERY difficult to find a good woman in your 30s who doesn't already have at least kids, if not a divorce as well under her belt. I found one, but it took several years of searching. Maybe I'm selfish but I've never had any desire to deal with someone else's kids.
 
Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
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I don't think it's selfish at all. I'm still on the fence about whether or not I would consider dating a woman with kids. On the one hand I love kids and tend to be pretty good with them. On the other hand who knows what kind of drama I might run into with baby daddy.
 
Soygen

Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
<Nazi Janitors>
28,431
44,761
I'm 37 and only now am I even considering settling down. My current girlfriend has a five year old son and she is the first person I have ever dated with a kid. It was a serious hurdle for me when I first started talking to her, but the combination of her ex-husband having shared custody along with him having the kid on most weekends, helped make the early parts of the relationship much easier for me to get over it.

I don't think it's selfish to not want to date someone with kids, though. Just be honest about it to yourself and don't lead anyone on. It's your life.
 
Eomer

Eomer

Trakanon Raider
5,472
272
joeboo_sl said:
Although my only word of caution with that plan would be that it is VERY difficult to find a good woman in your 30s who doesn't already have at least kids, if not a divorce as well under her belt. I found one, but it took several years of searching. Maybe I'm selfish but I've never had any desire to deal with someone else's kids.
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That's why when you hit 30 or so, you start looking for a nice 25 year old who is just getting themselves established but mostly out of their crazy/party phase. That way you have at least a couple good years to get to know each other and be really sure that she's "the one" before you get her preggo, and she'll still have plenty of high fertility years left in front of her with significantly lower chances of flipper babies as compared to someone 5-10 years older.

Not sure that I ever actually planned that shit out, but I'll be damned if it isn't working out quite nicely to this point.
 
Tuco

Tuco

I got Tuco'd!
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If I were an unwed man in his 30s looking for a wife I don't think I'd be that turned off by her having kids. A self-sufficient single woman with decent kids is pretty respectable imo.
 
Khane

Khane

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The fact that their is a kid involved or that she is single with children isn't the turn off for me per se. The turn off is wondering what kind of drama surrounds the entire situation. I also think about how hard it is to sever a relationship with someone you get attached to when no children are involved. When kids are involved it's got to be absolutely brutal. The thought of having to break up with the kid(s) too is harrowing.
 
Eomer

Eomer

Trakanon Raider
5,472
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Tuco_sl said:
If I were an unwed man in his 30s looking for a wife I don't think I'd be that turned off by her having kids. A self-sufficient single woman with decent kids is pretty respectable imo.
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A decent looking guy in his 30's with a good job/career can have his pick of women in their mid to late 20's. Why pick one with the baggage that a kid generally entails? It's not that they're not "respectable", I don't judge the women as being bad people or anything. But there's obviously a past associated with that kid or kids, and no matter how respectable that past is it's still a net negative.

C'mon Tuco, min/max this shit.
 
Famm

Famm

Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Eomer's 100% right. Being in your 30's doesn't mean you can only date women your age, far from it.
 
Tuco

Tuco

I got Tuco'd!
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You guys make good points. I don't really think about this stuff since I'm married.
 
Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
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Eomer_sl said:
A decent looking guy in his 30's with a good job/career can have his pick of women in their mid to late 20's. Why pick one with the baggage that a kid generally entails? It's not that they're not "respectable", I don't judge the women as being bad people or anything. But there's obviously a past associated with that kid or kids, and no matter how respectable that past is it's still a net negative.

C'mon Tuco, min/max this shit.
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This is a double edged sword. When you were younger you didn't give a shit about things like career, family values, maternal instinct (if you care about having kids). You only cared about whether she was fun and attractive.

One of the pros to waiting and not marrying the fun girl is that there's a good chance that fun girl never grows up and you'd have been miserable. Taking care of dead weight.
One of the cons to waiting is (if you're like me anyway) you become really fucking picky. Instead of looking at 2 or 3 things to determine your attraction to a particular woman you're looking at 6-10 things. Dating is also expensive and exhausting when you're 30 or older. When you're 22 you just meet up at the closest house party, pay 5 bucks for a solo cup, get drunk and fuck your brains out. At 30 you're going out for drinks at a nice place and even if we only have 2 each that still costs me like 50 bucks after tip in my area.
 
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