Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

  • Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!



    Go here and give us your nominations!
    Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Downhammer

Downhammer

Vyemm Raider
1,587
4,121
She's an abandoned orphan on a sand inventor planet. Virginity was never in the cards for her.

Maybe the lightsaber was coated in her schmegma and that's the real reason Luke tossed it aside.
 
  • 2Worf
Reactions: 1 users
Chris

Chris

Potato del Grande
19,660
-10,590
Harshaw said:
She probably had some weird Star Wars tech Sybian.
Click to expand...
Do lightsabers vibrate? Maybe Episode 9 has her shock death early on when she sticks it in the wrong way around and accidentally ignites it and bisects herself.
 
  • 2Worf
  • 1Like
  • 1Mother of God
Reactions: 3 users
Jozu

Jozu

Bronze Baronet of the Realm
6,986
6,295
Fucking herself with lightsaber hilt would really hit home for fans. It will show that women should empower themselves, and not be embarrassed by the pursuit of their own pleasure.

I dont see how this could go any worse than the shit we have seen.
 
  • 1Worf
  • 1Solidarity
  • 1Like
Reactions: 2 users
Lanx

Lanx

<Prior Amod>
66,041
150,516
Chris said:
Do lightsabers vibrate? Maybe Episode 9 has her shock death early on when she sticks it in the wrong way around and accidentally ignites it and bisects herself.
Click to expand...
i remember in KoToR the before lightsabers were called vibro-blades, cuz they vibrated fast i think to go through molocules.
 
A

a_skeleton_05

<Banned>
13,843
34,510
The 'reality' of it is that she was whoring herself out to the guy with the 'portions' so much that she didn't need to. A girl's gotta eat.

214170
 
Jozu

Jozu

Bronze Baronet of the Realm
6,986
6,295
My guy was giving her savage backshots.

I'm liking where this is heading. Lightsabers as dildos and tremendously horrifying alien/human slave based sex.
 
  • 2Solidarity
Reactions: 1 users
Fadaar

Fadaar

That guy
11,054
12,066
Jozu said:
My guy was giving her savage backshots.

I'm liking where this is heading. Lightsabers as dildos and tremendously horrifying alien/human slave based sex.
Click to expand...

There's a porn genre out there just for you!
 
  • 1Like
Reactions: 1 user
A

a_skeleton_05

<Banned>
13,843
34,510
Jozu said:
My guy was giving her savage backshots.

I'm liking where this is heading. Lightsabers as dildos and tremendously horrifying alien/human slave based sex.
Click to expand...

The many Rule34 websites await you with exactly what you're looking for.
 
  • 1Like
Reactions: 1 user
Singh'sSpot

Singh'sSpot

Blackwing Lair Raider
1,208
1,709
You know what? This movie should pull a Tomino and kill off characters left and right, only Rey is the survivor, she defeats Kylo and the First Order but at a heavy cost, she's bitter and sad
about the loss of her friends she retreats to leave an isolated life, just like Luke thus completing the cycle.

But I doubt this movie will have the guts to do that.
 
Fadaar

Fadaar

That guy
11,054
12,066
nah have it be Kylo that survives so the Skywalker bloodline lives on but is still effectively dead
 
  • 1Like
Reactions: 1 user
ohkcrlho

ohkcrlho

Silver Baronet of the Realm
6,906
8,943
How about the whole universe explodes due to high level of cringeness and Wtf and the saga cease to exist?
That would be a great ending imo
 
Last edited:
  • 4Like
Reactions: 3 users
Slaanesh69

Slaanesh69

Millie's Staff Member
6,159
18,109
Chris said:
Suspension of disbelief.

If every Sci-fi ever has things akin to conventional projectiles then you accept that's how it would work, even if space combat has never been done so we can only speculate how it would work.

Even EVE Online which has near instant hit railguns and lasers as options also has slower moving missiles/torpedoes. Star Trek doesn't have railguns but it does have lasers used alongside slower torpedoes.

Did the original Star Wars even have lasers on the ships? They seemed like plasma projectiles.

Literally no Sci-fi I can think of has fucking bombs you drop. Because it's stupid, there's not enough gravity for them. Magnets? They solved that in WW2 by degaussing the hulls of ships to make them not be magnetic so they didn't attract magnetic mines.

If they wanted to make WW2 analogies then they should have gone for submarines firing torpedoes as inspiration. Make them be weakly shielded, poor manuverability long range weapons which are at risk only because The New Order warped in right next to them which they are not designed for.

Fire the torpedoes FORWARDS and have the Dreadnaught be able to take a bunch of hits from them, hence needing to defend them for a prolonged period of time.
Click to expand...

I wish I could remember the name of the sci-fi book that I read that put a decent realistic spin on space combat. Basically fleets would fire massive arrays of projectiles and smart missiles and tried to project positions and movements of enemies with the time it took the sub-light speed ammunition to arrive. It was a fantastic take on the whole space-warfare and I loved it.

Edit - That being said I can balance my hard sci-fi with pulp sci-fi and perfectly accept "turbolasers" and lightsabers and thoroughly enjoy the movie. The bombers, however, were an abomination. In "space", with no friction and effectively no real significant gravity outside of especially great mass ships, "bombing" is irrelevant no matter how you try to spin it. You can literally throw a bomb with a trebuchet off your spaceship with a nice, simple transfer of momentum and kinetic energy.
 
  • 2Like
Reactions: 1 users
spronk

spronk

FPS noob
23,493
27,468
If you haven't read it and watched it check out The Expanse, it tries REALLY hard to make realistic sci fi but puts in enough "WHAT THE FUCK" to make it really cool

I believe one of the writers has a background in science and the showrunner has a PhD in physics
 
  • 3Like
Reactions: 2 users
Chris

Chris

Potato del Grande
19,660
-10,590
Fadaar said:
nah have it be Kylo that survives so the Skywalker bloodline lives on but is still effectively dead
Click to expand...
Bloodline is a far right dogwhistle though.

They want everyone to have zero kids and adopt a load of African Muslims.
 
Bloodrocuted

Bloodrocuted

Trakanon Raider
266
391
Slaanesh69 said:
I wish I could remember the name of the sci-fi book that I read that put a decent realistic spin on space combat. Basically fleets would fire massive arrays of projectiles and smart missiles and tried to project positions and movements of enemies with the time it took the sub-light speed ammunition to arrive. It was a fantastic take on the whole space-warfare and I loved it.
Click to expand...

Was it A Fire Upon the Deep by Vernor Vinge? Mind blowing novel and that's how the space battles went. Great book!
 
  • 2Like
Reactions: 1 users
Intrinsic

Intrinsic

Person of Whiteness
<Gold Donor>
15,265
13,656
Bloodrocuted said:
Was it A Fire Upon the Deep by Vernor Vinge? Mind blowing novel and that's how the space battles went. Great book!
Click to expand...

Expeditionary Force by Craig Alanson did a good job of this as well. Although it got a little crazy getting around the limitations. Comes with having a billion year old talking beer can though.
 
  • 1Like
Reactions: 1 user
You must log in or register to reply here.