The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014)
- Thread starter Terial
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
ohkcrlho
Silver Baronet of the Realm
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Muligan
Trakanon Raider
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I guess we just have to agree to disagree. Outside of the awkwardness of Dain, the CGI didn't bother me. Is it my preference, not really but had minimal impact for me. I just didn't like the contrast of Thorin's company and Dain in terms of dwarf appearance.
Himeo
Vyemm Raider
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This movie is the worst movie... that I've ever enjoyed seeing.
I went in with low expectations because of the first two. Actually, I decided part way through #2 that it wasn't really the Hobbit anymore. It's officially licensed Tolkien fan-fiction.
There are parts of this movie that are badly acted, badly written, meaningless violence porn, and moments which violate the sacred canon of the book. This should never have been three movies. It was the result of crass exploitation by movie executives. This is what fans get when they demand an encore.
All the same, I would much rather have seen Del Toro's Hobbit.
But we didn't get that movie. Instead we got Peter Jackson's money grab attempt at the Hobbit. After watching all three films the only conclusion I've come to regarding this trilogy... is I want to get the extended editions and watch them marathon style with the LOTR movies.
Look, this trilogy was really sub par. But for people that wanted more Tolkien after LOTR, Jackson and New Line and MGM gave you what you asked for. The result was a train-wreck... and I enjoyed it.
This makes me a bad person. I'm okay with that.
I went in with low expectations because of the first two. Actually, I decided part way through #2 that it wasn't really the Hobbit anymore. It's officially licensed Tolkien fan-fiction.
There are parts of this movie that are badly acted, badly written, meaningless violence porn, and moments which violate the sacred canon of the book. This should never have been three movies. It was the result of crass exploitation by movie executives. This is what fans get when they demand an encore.
All the same, I would much rather have seen Del Toro's Hobbit.
But we didn't get that movie. Instead we got Peter Jackson's money grab attempt at the Hobbit. After watching all three films the only conclusion I've come to regarding this trilogy... is I want to get the extended editions and watch them marathon style with the LOTR movies.
Look, this trilogy was really sub par. But for people that wanted more Tolkien after LOTR, Jackson and New Line and MGM gave you what you asked for. The result was a train-wreck... and I enjoyed it.
This makes me a bad person. I'm okay with that.
Big Phoenix
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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I still want to know what the fuck they were thinking with the whole Tauriel and Kili love plot. True love from a fucking dick joke?
Royal
Connoisseur of Exotic Pictures
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This was born of the same notion of creating interest in the movies beyond men thru a romance element that drove the expansion of Arwen's role in LoTR, only much more ham handed.
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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Saw it yesterday and have already pretty much forgotten about it. I put it into the typical "CGI overload" schlock bucket along with the new Star Treks, Star Wars, and most other sci-fi movies these days. Basically the story and any efforts to create an emotional bond with the characters feels hollow because all effort/time/money is thrown at inundating us with an endless stream of CGI action.
Breakdown
Gunnar Durden
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My hope at this point is Jackson continues with his brilliance and decides to make a three part story after the events of Lotr and just makes stuff up. A few posters would have heart attacks but otherwise I'd be ok with it.
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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Everything worth milking from the books has been milked, and everything not in the books that could also be milked has been turned into hours of CGI. There are many beloved book series' out there dying to be translated to cinema that should come before any further attempts to cobble shit together from Tolkien's footnotes, like the Dark Tower series.
Ditto x1000. I went into this with super low expectations, as the previous two were so incredibly "meh" -- I really just saw it as a matter of completionist principle.
But the whole time during this CGI wankfest, I was thinking to myself, "This is awful, butI love it, and I can't explain why." I honestly enjoyed myself and left the theater feeling simultaneously crushed and elated.
Royal
Connoisseur of Exotic Pictures
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Agreed. This is the last verse in cinematic Tolkien for the foreseeable future. But Hollywood is Hollywood. Give it 20 years and we'll see a remake with a new director.
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Agree. First half was one of the biggest pieces of shit I've ever seen. Also, this was my first time to see one in the high frame rate, so it was a little jarring to be just thrown into the action with the HFR. Looks weird, almost like it's on a play that you're watching in person.
Good:
- Pissed off Galadriel
- Saruman ninjutsu
- Kate from Lost is fucking hot, and she was fine in the movie. Nothing made me cringe.
- Dain aka Fat Bastard was kinda funny
- All of the war scenes. Honestly none of the "super moves" (aka Legolas) bothered me at all, they were fine. None were nearly as bad as some of the shit in the other movies. They were well enough done.
- The ending was great. Kate's ending was great, Legolas ending was great. The dwarves ending was great, Gandalf's was great, and Bilbo's was great.
Bad:
- "Do you need any assistance, my lady?" - Saruman aka Neckbeard faggot
- Everything related to Thorin
- Only 3 seconds of Beorn (why cut his scenes out and still make us watch hours of Thorin being "dragon sick" and emo???)
- Anything with Birdshit Face/Radagst,.. Saving Gandalf with his gay little rabbit sleigh.
I really thought it got a whole lot better after a lot of the douchiness got out of the way. Probably the last 2/3 to 1/2 of the movie were nice.
Dain was voiced by Billy Connelly who is a fairly famous comedian throughout the UK / Australia.
Overall the movie was ridiculous but enjoyable, as i remember it The Hobbit was more of a childrens book anyway so having it not on the same level as LOTR was fine by me.
Overall the movie was ridiculous but enjoyable, as i remember it The Hobbit was more of a childrens book anyway so having it not on the same level as LOTR was fine by me.
Keep Hollywood the fuck away from Roland. I don't think one director could be versatile enough to tackle each book/movie with the different styles and themes between each. Saying that I don't think they could find enough good directors/writers to do the series justice if they tried giving each movie with their varying themes to different people.