The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014)

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Muligan

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But after all that the main problem would still exist: PJ completely failed to capture the essence of what made the original Hobbit novel epic. Instead, he did everything in his power to try and tie it in to the LOTR movies; which was a huge mistake. The other big issue is all the CGI in the movie, which makes it look way worse cinematically than the LOTR movies, which were made a decade earlier. I don't understand why all the orcs were CGI, when men in costume worked just fine in the original movies. There is absolutely no tension or suspense in the Hobbit movies because it's all just computer generated garbage. In all honesty, the animated movie from the 70's is a million times better than this trilogy.
I guess we just have to agree to disagree. Outside of the awkwardness of Dain, the CGI didn't bother me. Is it my preference, not really but had minimal impact for me. I just didn't like the contrast of Thorin's company and Dain in terms of dwarf appearance.
 

Himeo

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This movie is the worst movie... that I've ever enjoyed seeing.

I went in with low expectations because of the first two. Actually, I decided part way through #2 that it wasn't really the Hobbit anymore. It's officially licensed Tolkien fan-fiction.

There are parts of this movie that are badly acted, badly written, meaningless violence porn, and moments which violate the sacred canon of the book. This should never have been three movies. It was the result of crass exploitation by movie executives. This is what fans get when they demand an encore.

All the same, I would much rather have seen Del Toro's Hobbit.

But we didn't get that movie. Instead we got Peter Jackson's money grab attempt at the Hobbit. After watching all three films the only conclusion I've come to regarding this trilogy... is I want to get the extended editions and watch them marathon style with the LOTR movies.

Look, this trilogy was really sub par. But for people that wanted more Tolkien after LOTR, Jackson and New Line and MGM gave you what you asked for. The result was a train-wreck... and I enjoyed it.

This makes me a bad person. I'm okay with that.
 

Big Phoenix

Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
<Gold Donor>
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I still want to know what the fuck they were thinking with the whole Tauriel and Kili love plot. True love from a fucking dick joke?
 

Mures

Blackwing Lair Raider
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Have to sadly say I'm in the boat of people who believe this hobbit movie was the worst one. The beginning was just awful, it got a bit better after the dragon madness ended, but it had already left a salty taste in my mouth by that point.
 

Royal

Connoisseur of Exotic Pictures
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I still want to know what the fuck they were thinking with the whole Tauriel and Kili love plot. True love from a fucking dick joke?
This was born of the same notion of creating interest in the movies beyond men thru a romance element that drove the expansion of Arwen's role in LoTR, only much more ham handed.
 

Frenzied Wombat

Potato del Grande
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Saw it yesterday and have already pretty much forgotten about it. I put it into the typical "CGI overload" schlock bucket along with the new Star Treks, Star Wars, and most other sci-fi movies these days. Basically the story and any efforts to create an emotional bond with the characters feels hollow because all effort/time/money is thrown at inundating us with an endless stream of CGI action.
 

Muligan

Trakanon Raider
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Is it possible with the EE that PJ could remove some scenes in addition to adding some? I cannot tell you how much better I would feel if they would take the stupid dwarf/elf love out of this trilogy.
 

Gavinmad

Mr. Poopybutthole
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What the fuck, did he actually type the phrase 'sacred canon of the book'? I missed that when I first skimmed his post. What in the actual fuck.
 

Gilgamel

A Man Chooses....
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So what beloved classic can PJ extend beyond it's realistic number of films to make bajillions of dollars on next? He could probably turn Where the Red Fern Grows into a quadrilogy I think.
 

Karloff_sl

shitlord
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My hope at this point is Jackson continues with his brilliance and decides to make a three part story after the events of Lotr and just makes stuff up. A few posters would have heart attacks but otherwise I'd be ok with it.
 

Frenzied Wombat

Potato del Grande
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Everything worth milking from the books has been milked, and everything not in the books that could also be milked has been turned into hours of CGI. There are many beloved book series' out there dying to be translated to cinema that should come before any further attempts to cobble shit together from Tolkien's footnotes, like the Dark Tower series.
 

ValkyrieIATD

Silver Knight of the Realm
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This movie is the worst movie... that I've ever enjoyed seeing.
....
....
This makes me a bad person. I'm okay with that.
Ditto x1000. I went into this with super low expectations, as the previous two were so incredibly "meh" -- I really just saw it as a matter of completionist principle.

But the whole time during this CGI wankfest, I was thinking to myself, "This is awful, butI love it, and I can't explain why." I honestly enjoyed myself and left the theater feeling simultaneously crushed and elated.
 

Royal

Connoisseur of Exotic Pictures
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There are many beloved book series' out there dying to be translated to cinema that should come before any further attempts to cobble shit together from Tolkien's footnotes, like the Dark Tower series.
Agreed. This is the last verse in cinematic Tolkien for the foreseeable future. But Hollywood is Hollywood. Give it 20 years and we'll see a remake with a new director.
 

Aychamo BanBan

<Banned>
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Have to sadly say I'm in the boat of people who believe this hobbit movie was the worst one. The beginning was just awful, it got a bit better after the dragon madness ended, but it had already left a salty taste in my mouth by that point.
Agree. First half was one of the biggest pieces of shit I've ever seen. Also, this was my first time to see one in the high frame rate, so it was a little jarring to be just thrown into the action with the HFR. Looks weird, almost like it's on a play that you're watching in person.

Good:
- Pissed off Galadriel
- Saruman ninjutsu
- Kate from Lost is fucking hot, and she was fine in the movie. Nothing made me cringe.
- Dain aka Fat Bastard was kinda funny
- All of the war scenes. Honestly none of the "super moves" (aka Legolas) bothered me at all, they were fine. None were nearly as bad as some of the shit in the other movies. They were well enough done.
- The ending was great. Kate's ending was great, Legolas ending was great. The dwarves ending was great, Gandalf's was great, and Bilbo's was great.

Bad:
- "Do you need any assistance, my lady?" - Saruman aka Neckbeard faggot
- Everything related to Thorin
- Only 3 seconds of Beorn (why cut his scenes out and still make us watch hours of Thorin being "dragon sick" and emo???)
- Anything with Birdshit Face/Radagst,.. Saving Gandalf with his gay little rabbit sleigh.

I really thought it got a whole lot better after a lot of the douchiness got out of the way. Probably the last 2/3 to 1/2 of the movie were nice.
 

Deeone

Molten Core Raider
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Dain was voiced by Billy Connelly who is a fairly famous comedian throughout the UK / Australia.

Overall the movie was ridiculous but enjoyable, as i remember it The Hobbit was more of a childrens book anyway so having it not on the same level as LOTR was fine by me.
 
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Everything worth milking from the books has been milked, and everything not in the books that could also be milked has been turned into hours of CGI. There are many beloved book series' out there dying to be translated to cinema that should come before any further attempts to cobble shit together from Tolkien's footnotes, like the Dark Tower series.
Keep Hollywood the fuck away from Roland. I don't think one director could be versatile enough to tackle each book/movie with the different styles and themes between each. Saying that I don't think they could find enough good directors/writers to do the series justice if they tried giving each movie with their varying themes to different people.