True Blood

Last night was the first time in a while when it got a smile from me. The "God wants me to fuck you" part and what came after was pretty funny.

I watch this with my wife every week, and I hate it more and more, every week. Really dug the first season, thats it. WHY DON'T THE VAMPIRES KILL EVERYONE? If I'm a vampire that can fly and move faster than you can see, why are 3 human guards catching me? How would 100 human guards be able to stop me before I ripped out each and every one of their throats?

Why is the super magic fairy girl who fights VAMPIRES being drug around by a skinny dude possessed by her dead dad, who's an irrational murderer? Why doesn't she just go "FAIRY BLAST!" and toss him 10 feet away like she always does? Also, he tied her up, put her in a car, and the ropes litteraly just fell off when he took her out. WHAT? She couldn't get free from the ropes that just fell off during the drive, and when he opened the trunk, FAIRY BLAST!

Why is the super nice guy werewolf dude, who's been a moral compass and just really nice dude for several seasons, suddenly a murdering evil dick. According to the timeline he was a nice dude something like 3 days ago, now he has to murder EVERYONE, because.... bitchy girlfriend I guess?

It's just all so aweful. I bet my small ranting just covered about .5% of the "What the fuck?" I see in every god damn scene. It's 95.5% worse than I make it sound.

1) Well, vampires can't kill off all their food and I'm sure plenty have drunk the "mainstreaming" kool-aid. But ya, the human guards being able to stop an aware vampire is kinda dumb. Remember that scene 2 seasons ago where Eric had 3 armed humans behind him and he almost instantly chopped off all their heads with his hand before they could react?

2) Well, they've been playing up the "Sookie is almost outta fairy powers" story for the past couple seasons.

3) Power corrupts is the theme I'm guessing. The grandmother werewolf even mentioned it at the start of the season.

I was going to post about how tonights episode was actually a pretty damn good episode, but then the last 10 seconds of the show happened. What. The Fuck.

The Ancient_sl said:

I was going to post about how tonights episode was actually a pretty damn good episode, but then the last 10 seconds of the show happened. What. The Fuck.

Click to expand...

My thoughts exactly

The daywalking Bill scene was pretty cool and Jason was pretty lulzy as always. Although I did notice they injected him with something, which makes me think it was the Hep-V virus.

He surrendered on purpose...

I want to melt my eyeballs out of their sockets with a hot poker after being forced to witness that last scene. Jesus fucking Emo Christ-- it was like a Harlequin romance fucked a Twilight movie and birthed Mexican vampire soap opera soft porn. I honestly only watch the show now as I believe doing so guarantees my place in heaven for having to endure cruel and unusual punishment. That and it's my GF's favorite show...

I thought for sure the redhead was going to let her warlocks out last night, sadness.

I was really hoping, but I knew the odds weren't in our favor.

Yeah, it sure is great that the girl who has been a vampire for what, 2 days, is the first one able to instigate any kind of prison break. Off camera of course. Why have none of the other dozens and dozens (hundreds?) of vampires in there not tried something similar, and yeah, by something similar I guess she somehow took out the guards contacts without taking out his eyes? Again, I don't know because the show sucks. And maybe I'm crazy, but it seems like once you have the one guard under your spell, you could have him go open up all the cages, and now its straight up SUPERHUMANS vs regular guys with guns.

And yeah, at the end of that episode I shook my head and went "Ok, so now her vagina has fairy magic too? It's a magic vagina? How much you want to bet it cured him, or made an instant fairy baby vampire demon baby? Could go either way. I bet thats how shifters are made come to think of it."

I know its been a few episodes, but as an example of the terrible non thought out plots, I found this one really funny. Bill needs a scientist, the scientist is a pervert, Bill sends Jessica to get him. Jessica dresses up like a slut. She stays after class and flirts with an old man like a slut. Plan worked, he thinks he's going home with her to get some, you win Jessica! She spins around and glamours him. Wait what? What the fuck? If she was going to glamour him... why the whole giant slut plan? Couldn't she just have shown up when he walked to his car and gone "Yo teach, GLAMOURERERED!". Unless... could it be, the entire stupid plot was just "gasp" the writers saying "Um, how can we make Jessica dress and act like a whore so the male viewers can jerk off?". Just really stupid shit.

Lastly, can Sam turn into a dinosaur? If so, why hasn't he. Shit, why isn't he ALWAYS a dinosaur.

Sam has to have a real life version of the animal to use as a reference so until Jurassic Park, nah.

So was Sam basically written off the show last night after WolfHunk tells him to leave town? If so that's at least one boring stupid sub-plot gone. I cheered when whatshisface (bearded whiny dude suffering from Efreet PTSD) got shot near the end. I thought I was going to have to watch his brainwashed pussywhipped self play "perfect husband" to that happy hour boozehag for the rest of the seasons while having to listem to my gf lecture me on how I should treat her like he does..

You could point out that it takes a Vampire to brainwash you to treat a wife like he does if it comes up anyway.

At this point I'm only watching to see how Eric saves the season,(oh yea, tits). Bill might have super vamp powers but he's still a whiny bitch.