Honestly, this is all a bit weird.
Back when I was still in a state of confusion (can't give you GPS coords of it), having personal identity crisis and wanting to be a woman, I was facing a brick wall, so to speak. I mean.. wasn't a brick wall literally, but it sure was different.
Back then, which was a year or two before EverQuest entered Beta, the country's stance was thus:
After talking it through with doctors responsible for consultation, you were subjected to a number of tests and therapy. A year of that with a therapist / psychologist. Then you were evaluated by a clinical psychologist and if all went okay, you had to live as the opposite sex for a period of 12-24 months. After that, there was a medical board review and if given a clean-bill of health (ironic, I know) you had a certificate which you could invoke to do several things:
a) Get a new birth certificate that stated your proper sex
b) Get prescripted hormonal treatment
c) Last but not least, undergo Sex Reasignment Surgery
Either people were faking it to get out of getting drafted or they wanted to accertain who actually has mental issues or who is just in the phase of identity issues.
After completing those, you were.. essentially a new person. At least, on the outside. I was a bit naive back then. I fervently hoped that going through with sex change I would, essentially, be a woman. You know. Monthly periods, pregnancy, giving birth... i really wanted to have something grow inside me that would be born. Still do in fact.
I "stumbled" into the whole "mess" during the pre-army draft psychological testing. Where I was born, you had to go through medical evaluation and lastly, pychological tests to get drafted into the army draft, which was every male specimen, age 14-16. The whole process of the evaluation would take up to 3 years so at 18, you could start serving your country. For a period of 18 months, then you could either go back to your life or choose a military career. Anyhow, I passed all medical examinations with flying colors, but flunked on the psychological tests. Presumably, the army didn't want psychos get guns. There wasn't really many cases of people failing those tests, they were pretty straightfoward, unless you count 7-12 different ways of asking if you feel you're a "woman trapped in the a man's body" and/or "if you've been abused in your childhood" and/or "have you ever tried commiting suicide". Answering affirmative to at least one of each was a dead giveaway. Got a ticket to see a clinical psychologist, who was to asses the nature of my mental state.
Aside from being referred to a psychologist dealing with people whose mental issues were those of sex identification, I was "only" proclaimed to be neurotic, proscribed some drugs which I never took and that was it. Never got drafted because of elementary school (14-18) then casually dropped due to the forced draft being abandoned in favour of volountary army draft.
I was seeing a psychologist for a few months and even though she was very kind, given her job, she made damn well sure I understood what I'm actually going into. I was explained the entire process, from top to bottom, but I still remember her words:"There's no guarantee that you will be happy, even after you've achieved all of that." and "Why don't you try to find something else to be happy, life isn't just one sided." I think her worry was, that I'd do what a lot of people do when faced with a brick wall of such ginormity. They go for the obvious choice and if successful, there's a gravestone to mark the stopping of their clock. I wouldn't. Like some transexual I've watched in a youtube video said "I'm a coward at heart".
I never went through with any of the above. I thought it was only a half measure. It's like watching a cake in the window of a bakery, given a slice to eat but the rest of the cake is still behind the glass, that you can't touch or taste. That's what it feels like to me, that I'd go through hormonal therapy and have surgical changes to my body. I mean sure, I bet having real boobs would be great and having a pussy to play with, but.. how real is the "transformation" ? Do you actually get orgasms? Clitoral, vaginal?
I've crossdressed in my younger years during periods when masking oneself was traditionally (we don't celebrate Halloween the way America does), but we do have a similar holiday in the 2nd half of Winter.
I'm bisexual, I've had sex with guys and while giving them head it's ohmygodgreat, however anal sex just isn't.. it's okay, but there's something missing.
Pretty sure some wiseass is going to come at me challenging how my definition of a woman is faulty, since not all women are capable of procreating etc. But sure, there are anomalies out there. I've seen a picture of a genetically mutated sheep with two heads. Seen a genetically mutated dog with 5 legs being born in person. Hell, we've had to avoid playing outside too much in the aftermath of Chernobyl power plant melting down.
My current girlfriend keeps asking what I'm running away from, what makes me go into gaming to the point where I ignore everything else, ignoring her in the process, but I just can't find the guts to tell her all of this. I'm not sure she'd totally understand.
Vanessa your thread is now the ball cancer question thread. #dealwithit
