Whats rustling your jimmies?

I do ignore them. Problem is my kid doesn't, so I get the shit second hand. I'm close to just blocking youtube outright.

Are you printing the label straight from ebay or are you going through FedEx's online shipping tool? eBay gets a massive massive volume discount with FedEx, so if you use their shipping label, you're going to get a much cheaper price than FedEx retail or at an independent shipping store like mine.

ASG security rustles my jimmies. I think the G stands for garbage. This turned out longer than I expected, but I'm switching to ADT this week, I was reading old emails and the jimmes went and got re-rustled.

ASG was monitoring my new house when I bought it, so I let them keep the business. My other house was being monitored by ADT, and I think at the time I was worried they'd get confused on who to call for alarms at different locations. That was pretty dumb reasoning, but I didn't think it really mattered who monitored your shit. My first problem with ASG came a little under a year after I signed on when they raised my rates. I called to complain, was told tough shit, threatened to leave them because ADT hadn't raised my rates in 5 years, and was told I couldn't (see the list of shit they told me below). Yeah, apparently we didn't read the contract thoroughly (gunna blame this one on the wife as she's the one who actually signed it), cause it was all in there.

Shit they told me:
- Contract gives them the right to raise rates at will.
- Only they can terminate the contract early without penalty, and they can do it at any time.
- if I want to end early, the penalty is actually more than if I just let the contract expire
- Unless I notify them in writing at least 30 days in advance, the contract will automatically renew for 2 years every time it expires, and it will be the same terms.
- This is an industry standard contract, you'll get the exact same deal from anyone else you have monitoring your house.

So I was stuck for a while, but hey at least they gave me 50% off of the rate increase since I'd been a customer less than a year! Bitch actually sounded like I should be grateful when she told me that. A few months later, my alarm starts beeping periodically, and it takes me a few days to figure out where its coming from. Turns out its the central alarm unit stuffed in the back of a closet. From the previous incident, I knew that weekend service was the 1 perk I got from this contract, so i call them up. They knew exactly what was wrong, it was a low battery and they had logged it for the first time almost a month ago. I ask why they hadn't called me because it had driven me crazy for 3 fucking days trying to locate the source of the beep. They said "hmm, we were probably about to do that, you were on the list" OK, what the fuck ever, I tried to get someone out to replace the battery, and I was told there'd be a service fee, and a charge for the battery. I'm like, whoa hold up, it says right here in my contract, free service calls, weekend service, and free maintenance. They say that a battery is not considered a maintenance item, the service call IS free because they're not charging labor, and I am getting weekend service, but there's an extra fee for it being a weekend. I can't actually remember how this turned out. I think the service tech who finally came out got an earfull of how shitty his company was and just didn't bill me. He was actually a nice guy, so don't think I was yelling at him or anything. Just letting him know his company's practices are unethical.

Then there was the time my daughter hit the panic button because her friends snuck into the house while she was home alone. Never got a call. Police were never called. Called them to ask why, they said they showed we'd had telephone problems for about a month and they hadn't been able to connect. We never use the home phone, so fuck, we didn't know anything was wrong. We didn't even have a home phone at that time, we only have the line for the alarm. Turned out there was a short in one of the wires we don't use in the house. Took 15 min to sort it out and disconnect that wire. I asked them how long, typically, do they let a problem like that go on before they give the customer a call. Because I'd recently noticed that if the credit card we auto-pay with gets canceled, it takes about 2 days before they're on the horn sorting that shit out. "Different departments" was the answer I got. Maybe I should have asked if the billing department could start monitoring my house.

A couple months later they raised the rates again, I let it go because I know it's not worth my time. I just use it as an excuse to get the cancellation letter written. When we finally got around to sending the cancellation letter, I found out the cunt on the phone had given me the wrong address, and the wrong date. Good thing we were checking the contract. We sent cancellation letters to both addresses just to be sure.

After they got the letter, they had the nerve to call and ask why I was canceling. I told her why, politely, starting with the contract shenanigans. When she defended ASG with the same garbage about it being a standard boilerplate contract, I fucking lost it and laid into her until she just hung up. I expect them to pull some sort of bullshit in the next couple weeks since the actual cancellation date is coming soon. If nothing else, I bet they keep the auto-bill active.