After my divorce, I met this gal who was pretty open and upfront about her sexuality. She asked me if I minded toys, told her I was married for 18 years, I don't give a shit about toys. She said some dudes get real weird about them. I dunno why, do whatever works for you.
So one night, I'm about to leave work, and she's gonna meet me at my place. She comes over prepped - she's got a vibrating plug already in her ass when she shows up. I hop in the shower, she heads to the bed to get warmed up. She's got this in.
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We get to getting to it, doggy style. At some point I feel it stop vibrating, and she mentions that the battery only lasts about an hour. So yeah, that's right on queue. I don't know exactly what happened, but I looked away from her ass for a few seconds, and when I looked back, the plug was gone. I assumed that she palmed it in the pause.
We finished, and are laying on the bed and after about 5 minutes she goes "Alright, that was great...now, where'd the plug go?"
"Uhh, i thought you took it out."
"No, it must have fell out."
We strip the bed. Nothing.
We check under the bed. Nothing. I told her "Look, I've got a dog and the kids come back here tomorrow, so we need to find this thing right the fuck now before my dog does." So we go back over everything. We literally tear my bedroom apart. We're emptying pillowcases, looking under the mattress, in the laundry basket, EVERYTHING.
I sit down on the bed and tell her "Well, I think there's only one place that thing could possibly be. And when you find it, I'm gonna need you to never speak of it again." She said "uhh, yeah...." and left without saying another word.
Her ass swallowed that whole thing up whole. Now, I get it - her theory is the small end basically got dragged in while we were fucking, and then assholes do what asshole do ---which is close up behind things. All that makes perfect sense to me. What I will never understand is how you can have an asshole that's so fucking cavernous that you could not notice AN ENTIRE SEX TOY IN THERE SIDEWAYS.
She texted me the next day with "Round 2?" A woman who literally should have died of fucking embarrassment went home, fished that thing out, and then said "Alright, what else you got?"
Nope.