My girlfriend/fiance is pregnant, 21 years old, 4"2"", raised by a verbally abusive mother and family in constant conflict. When it"s good with her, life is better than it has ever been. When it"s bad, I"ve never dealt with such emotional and verbal abuse in my life.
She tells me that if she has a miscarriage, it"s my fault.
I have two sons -- not her"s -- any attempt I make to be a part of their life leads to her being incredibly mean to me off and on for weeks. She once even demanded I stop talking to them.
She is incredibly manipulative and talks bad about me to everyone she can. For example, the other day I was getting news about my son being sick, what was going on, whether to be worried. I"m lucky enough to have an ex-wife who wants me to be a part of their lives, so I can get news like this. She walks in, mumbles something, and because I did not immediately get off the phone, she now tells as many people as she can that I ignore her for my ex wife.
Today, she told me she is not going to quit smoking and tried to make me feel like it was my fault. I had run out of smokes, had not bought any, and in fact made a previous attempt to support her in quitting when I quit for a week but she continued to smoke. She went out and bought cigs and said that if "her" baby has birth defects, it"s my fault.
Every time I get anything for myself if I don"t share it with her or get the same thing for her, she guilt trips me. Yet, if I ask her to do anything for me -- grab a soda, pass me a cig (in the past), any small thing -- she starts saying things like, "Yes, DADDY," or, "I better do what daddy wants," and I don"t mean in a sweet way.
I think she"s bipolar because she will switch from being incredibly sweet to incredibly mean. About every three days, my life becomes a living h---. The counterargument to this is that certain things touch off her being very nasty, even when she"s not in a foul mood.
I once talked to an fifty year old obese nurse at a hospital about the prospect of going back to college. It was a casual conversation that led to her accusing me of trying to cheat on her. Again, an fifty year old obese nurse. I am twenty nine and in good shape.
She accuses me of trying to cheat if a random stranger asks what time it is, how to get somewhere, or anything else. I am afraid to be in public with her because if any random female speaks in my general direction she flips out.
I would love to fix the relationship, but I can"t talk to her about any of these issues. If I try, she calls it bit--ing. Nothing is ever her fault.
On top of all this, she expects me to cook for her, clean for her, do her laundry, she expects that anything that is mine is her"s, but anything that is her"s I better not touch. She once screamed at me for going through a drawer or toothpaste of mine that she put in there, because her toothpaste was there and I was "going through her stuff."
On top of all this, she has on more than one occasion lied to me about her ex, brought him into issues he doesn"t have any business being part of, flirted with other men, been at home alone with other men, and has countless male "friends" -- which I don"t mind except it"s not right that she"s so jealous that I had to give up every female friend I had.
She has nowhere to go if I kick her out. We own our home. She put $500 towards buying it, and refuses to help with maintenance and upkeep. I had to have her sign a contract that if she makes this an unfit environment for my sons, I can have her move. Let me mention again that she is pregnant, and as a disabled veteran who pays child support, I already live on $500 / month.
She only considers her own feelings. Ever.
I don"t know how to talk to her. Like I said, I want to save the relationship. We have a baby on the way. When it"s good, it"s the best. But I can"t handle this anymore. In fact, she just walked in and read part of this and immediately started talking trash on the phone about me "putting stuff on the internet about her".
Please, help. She refuses to see a counselor, for herself, for us, at all. And as long as this is, it leaves out a LOT, like her cutting herself in the past when she didn"t get her way.