Breaking the Spirit of a Willful Child...

Jesus, the fuck happened in here

Hodj is projecting his single life experience (along with some psych books) to be applicable for everyone in all situations while knowing very little of the situation and extrapolating all the rest. All with utter and absolute certainty. Good luck getting the thread under control.

Shonuff said:

Hodj's postings combined in one neat summary, from this post. No one's asked about his childhood, but somehow, if we discipline our children in the slightest, they are being abused like he was. "Oh no, Lyr took away Minecraft, call the cops!".

Pure projection.

In all these years, we've never had a run in, so I'll just assume you are touchy on this subject, and ignore you from now on in this thread.

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Your posts project the impression that you are far more concerned with your child being "successful" or "productive" than you are with how happy they are. That you see your child as an extension of yourself and that your reputation depends on them meeting certain arbitrary standards.

To some extent you have to push your kids to meet standards, but that's because being a penniless vagrant is a great way to be miserable. Go too hard down that road and you end up turning the kid into a lawyer that might make $250k a year, but ends up drinking themselves to death because they hate themselves.

You can not approach this with Cutlery's attitude of, "their feelings don't matter if certain standards aren't being met" because that type of prioritizing leads to you just quashing the unwanted behavior without bothering to check if there's an actual reason behind it. It has to, because by your own admission you admit you don't care what the reason is, only the standards are important. You're going to generate a lot of self loathing in your kid if you start inflicting harsh punishments on a kid for doing something that he thinks he's doing fora good reason, or doesn't even realize why he's doing.

Xequecal said:

Your posts project the impression that you are far more concerned with your child being "successful" or "productive" than you are with how happy they are. That you see your child as an extension of yourself and that your reputation depends on them meeting certain arbitrary standards.

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I don't know if he is doing this or not. I know that I saw some of this in myself, before. Seeing the impact of that kind of thinking on my kid led me to change tack, for the better I think.

People tend to be shitty about it here, but dude is dealing with something unique in the wealth angle. To me, I don't see how that really changes the equation. The kid is still a kid, still going to make mistakes and fuck around, still can't really have their future determined by their 6 year old self. But I don't have that weight on me of generational wealth.

I talk about my work in front of my kids, I assume what he is doing isn't much different than that. Really though, I just don't know what his expectations are of the kid. If you're looking at a 6 year old to see that spark of a future mogul, I think you're just projecting. Especially the last post, "he cuts up when he is with his friends", it sounds pretty benign. The teacher needs a handle on that, not the parent.

I like the idea of manual labor. I also would suggest just consistent and regular consequences, but try not to get emotional too much. I tell my son he is choosing this consequence by acting out, not me. And I make it like... why would you deliberately pick to have this happen to you? Not like "I'm gonna whoop your ass". More like "I'm in charge and this is how it is. Deal with it"

My son just turned 9 for reference and he is a generally good kid.

My mom took me to a child psychologist. this was forever ago, in the 80's so probably irrelevant to what you'd get today, but all I remember is it was bullshit. And I was kinda messed up by thinking my Mom thinks I'm nuts.

hodj said:

It teaches children that their feelings are without merit or worth.

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This thread is a shitshow, and I aint touching it, but this made me laugh.

Everyone's feelings are without merit or worth. The moment a person first recognizes this is the moment they qualify as a full-fledged human being.

Well we already did the "spanking" derail in the other thread... so I wont go there...

but as many have said, consistency and follow through.

certain manual labor as punishment is okay step, but I also see much of that labor mentioned to be normal chores that children should do as they contribute to the household - if its framed as punishment it could be bad - if its framed as, as a child this is your job, this is how you contribute to the household - you clean your room, you pull the weeds, you mow the lawn - after you are done doing your contribution to the household - then you can go play, be free and enjoy life...its like the real world, work for your money then enjoy it.

But you are self proclaiming you are rich, so other people are suppose to do all those things for you, kids are to be waited on hand and foot and they expect this and continue to expect it... by 6/7 he knows this... But you seem to want him not to be a kid that just exists and then uses your money to live...structure and discipline with consistent follow through is a start. As for punishment...god forbid someone suggest spanking - so, just take stuff away from him and time-out, that always works...right...

He also is old enough that if you have not set a hard foundation - your sudden switch may cause more rebellion - and you cannot gradually change, because that's inconsistent- so it is best to come from and outside source, that is why many suggest martial arts or sports - and that is a good idea... but it cannot be only there- kids can turn on and off how they act, in sports they will listen, follow rules, be disciplined and then go home and turn back on into fuckallmode - the part that you have to step up if them getting into sports or martial arts and its discipline and structure is weaving that into your home, showing how discipline and self control and self ownership leads to success and good things- not just in sports etc. but in life.

I'd say a lot of you either don't have hard headed kids or are giving yourself more credit as parents than you deserve. It also seems like title is mostly what rustled the jimmies and no one is really addressing the content of the actual post.

The guy just wants his kid to tone it down when the teacher says to, and to not be so defiant. Yeah if you have a 20 year old kid who is doing good and got sent to the principals office a few times in elementary, I'm sure it seems like nothing to worry about now. However, as someone with an almost 6 year old myself, I know how frustrating it is to try every approach under the book to get your kid to behave the way that he needs to. I also know how smug everyone can get about parenting as well. Talk about straightening your kid up and "You're crushing his will!" however, you let your kid behave like a shit out in public and "That person needs to discipline their kid!"

I think the real trick to it all, is that you just pretend your kid is great when they're not around and keep them hidden until they get old enough to be somewhat civilized.

Aldarion said:

This thread is a shitshow, and I aint touching it, but this made me laugh.

Everyone's feelings are without merit or worth. The moment a person first recognizes this is the moment they qualify as a full-fledged human being.

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You are gross as fuck, dude

ZyyzYzzy said:

I dont know what "cuts up" means but how the fuck do first graders skip out of class to begin with...

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Cuts up means fucks around, jokes and stuff. Like I said, we're talking pretty minor stuff and stuff that teachers should be well equipped to deal with. At least that's what it sounds like.