Cats (2019)

Qhue

Qhue

Tranny Chaser
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I was one of those oh-so-pretentious theater kids so I felt I had an obligation to see this, especially before the aforementioned 'digital update'.

I know all the songs and have seen Cats a few times in theaters both on Broadway and in travelling casts. I feel eminently qualified, therefore, to State the following:

This is an abomination. It is pain. I was literally squirming in my seat as if listening to 2 solid hours of Vogon poetry. Just when you think you've grown acclimated to it and managed to, somehow, innoculate your brain against any further horrors something even more unthinkable happens to send you screaming into the abyss. I half expected the end credits to read :

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

I don't know our society did to deserve this, but we need to find out and set that shit straight NOW.
 
  • 12Worf
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  • 1Great Review
Reactions: 14 users
Shmoopy

Shmoopy

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  • 2Rimshot
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Kuro

Kuro

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This film has set back the social acceptance of Furries by 20 years.

For which I give it 5 stars and applaud it for its service to society.
 
  • 9Worf
  • 3Like
Reactions: 11 users
Attog

Attog

Blackwing Lair Raider
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honest question - is there any sex in this movie?
 
  • 1Worf
Reactions: 1 user
lgarthy

lgarthy

<Silver Donator>
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I saw Cats on Broadway. I didn't get it then. Besides, IMHO musicals have gone the way of minstrel shows, puppets, drive-ins and porno theaters.

And, unlike ballet, there isn't even anything sexy about it from the preview. Too bad the male characters don't have big balls coming out the back of their costumes.

By the way, this thread is hysterical.
 
  • 1Worf
Reactions: 1 user
Fucker

Fucker

Log Wizard
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Is this going to take the #1 spot for worst movie of all time? Seeing Rebel Wilson in the equivalent of a spandex furry suit has given me neural apoplexy.
 
  • 1Garbage
Reactions: 1 user
iannis

iannis

Musty Nester
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I'm so damn tempted to invite a woman I flirt with to dinner and go watch this with me.

I don't think I could keep a straight face the entire night.
 
  • 3Like
Reactions: 2 users
Chris

Chris

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Oh my god. I walked out 3/4ths in because my wife couldn't cope, we nearly went half way through.

One couple left 1/4 of the way in.

Each scene had a new horror. Judy Dench's cat basket and CGI leg stretch did it for me.
 
  • 3Worf
Reactions: 2 users
nu_11

nu_11

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Every actor in this movie needs to fire their agent
 
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Caliane

Caliane

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Kuro said:
This film has set back the social acceptance of Furries by 20 years.

For which I give it 5 stars and applaud it for its service to society.
Click to expand...
really, this movie may have saved humanity.

Elon is probably cancelling all his Catgirl genetic research. The basis of which could have been the end of humanity, due to sterilization, genetic degradation, or retroviruses. but after seeing this, I'm sure Elon will realize hot girls in cat costume is sexy, but actual Cat-girls is horrific.
 
  • 3Worf
Reactions: 2 users
Chris

Chris

Potato del Grande
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I think I figured out the main uncanny valley culprit.

It's the lack of human ears, they CGI'ed them off but your brain still expects them to be there and doesn't register the cat ears as ears (I hardly noticed them even though they moved). So it triggers disgust at these earless mutants.

If they wore practical costumes with a hood or fluff covering the ears, it would be fine as your brain knows where the ears are hidden.

They would have saved so much CGI budget and bad word of mouth bomb money if they just hired some more costume designers and makeup artists like the musical play does.

The worst thing is that they probably did both and had the costume designers there...
 
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Siliconemelons

Siliconemelons

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They are actors in costume - their costumes are enhanced via cgi- and then their entire face is replaced via cgi ... it's a horrific mess.

It also took a career enhancement beyond any standard "Broadway" chance for people that are very talented, gymnastics, physical ability, acting and singing that all cats actors needed- but they KILLED that by tossing "famous" faces on people and took their top billing and "X as Y" is the famous actor.

Usually when big musicals are movied - they use actual Broadway people and sometimes aside from a nice paycheck they get a chance to get "in" -- in les mis, the dark haired girl was the Broadway actor and did the best out of all.

Because of this, Broadway is NOT even attempting to salvage this turd
 
  • 1Like
  • 1Solidarity
Reactions: 1 users
TheNozz

TheNozz

Bronze Baron of the Realm
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5/10: only entertaining to watch once and that was to see how bad it was.

it did have a couple good moments and the music is still good

Also, watching it comes with awesome bragging rights:

"That movie was shit, and I've seen 'Cats!'"

"I no longer fear Hell, because I've seen 'Cats.'"
 
  • 1Worf
Reactions: 1 user
Muligan

Muligan

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I never cared much for Cats on Broadway but it's still a pretty popular and widely recognized musical and I have no clue how at any point that they looked at this and thought they were doing something right. From the first preview I couldn't understand what they were thinking. Shame so many talented folks got dragged through this mess. I haven't seen it but from all the trailers, videos, reviews, etc. I hope they didn't botch this for other musicals that I hope get brought to the big screen. I've enjoyed most...
 
  • 1Solidarity
Reactions: 1 user
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