Oh I am of the same opinion as Iannis and that is how I was raised and it worked ... for me. It does have its merits. Her therapist and psychiatrist have both said that girls like her do what they do because they have no problems and need to make something up.
On to the cancer thing. We are taking that into outer thought process but highly doubt it is playing into her problems. It is hard to explain but I will try. I made cancer look like it wasn't an issue. I was very rarely looking sick or acting sick. We didn't discuss it much at all. We told them that this treatment was going to fix it and they never actually grasped that I was in any danger at all. A lot of people want to latch on to it but any discussion with her would show you she did not think anything of it.
The attention she might be seeking is a good point. It is confusing though. The arm thing she downplayed huge. She wasn't seeking any kind of pain meds or special treatment. It genuinely seemed like an accident and we aren't real big carers about injuries, you fix the issue and move on, no special treatment and she knows that. Maybe that's why she sliced her arm open a few days later? Not sure.
The thing is she is externally the most confident girl you meet and most of the time quite bubbly so the inner conflict is hard to see and react to. I just don't know how to deal with someone that is presented with the option to tell you everything that is going on and you will give them that attention they need and try to fix it instead just lies and says they are just fine. How can I help if she says she is fine and externally seems fine?
Anyways her therapist said the partial hospitalization would do good. My daughter is happy with that and we think it's because yet again she gets her way since she doesn't want to go to school and she doesn't see this is treatment but a way to meet new friends ....
I don't have a ton of experience but let me throw this out there. I realize I may be way off base and don't know you or your family.
At the hospital when you act stoic like some kids do that brings its own level of attention. Nurses constantly asking if you're in pain, what is your pain number, "wow look at you you're so strong you don't need meds etc" VS when they get shot up with morphine or roxicet they know they are good for a bit. The act of refusal is something not ordinary as most people are looking to get juiced up and as such, especially for a child, attention would flow. If that was the goal, even if not initially, the subsequent following attention (do you have pain, are you sure, wow you're so strong!) might of kept the answer no?
Your situation might of been quick with the cancer relatively. However there could be other things in the past that brought about a need for attention. Daddy has to go to chemo on Wednesdays. Daddy has to get a checkup. Even if they don't understand exactly what is going on its still a break from routine. If you travel a good bit and are away from home that makes it even more special as when dad comes home its usually a big deal for kids. Then you have to go for medical stuff, even if they dont' know what it is they know you're gone somewhere for x hours.
How long are you away from home usually? Did this stuff start around the time you started going away? Has there been any coincidence of occurrence when she is just with your wife vs when you're home? Did this start around the time you or someone else was dealing with illness and required special trips either for treatment or diagnosis? How about a friend that does this and its monkey see monkey do? Perhaps not as bad as she is kind of experimenting with it to see what the risk vs reward is.
If I were in the situation those would be the things I'd be asking myself and I'm sure you've already done that.
I don't pretend to understand this situation. I dated a girl that did this a long time ago. It was almost certainly attention based and I even got her to admit it after the fact as once we dated it stopped entirely and she could talk about it with me. Ultimately she even said it was stupid but when a girl feels neglected, maybe that isn't the right word but when she feels a lack of attention I guess it can force some to do crazy things. In her case her dad was a closet faggot who was nuts, went to the bar every night got drunk, ran around neighbors houses and jerked off in the bushes while her mom sat on the internet as professional forum troll on AOL and pretty much ignored the kids. She had two brothers who fought for attention, was a middle child and had some issues as a result. I guess I wasn't surprised that she had some issues with attention.
I hope I never understand or experience it with my kids as its got to be a terrible thing. I'm sorry you have to deal with it. Hopefully you can get it under wraps.
