Depression

What kind of groups? How do you find them?

Chris_sl said:

What kind of groups? How do you find them?

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Doesn't like to talk about this stuff....made thread to talk about this stuff.....

This is a midwestern thing isn't it?

If its hard to talk about then its probably worth forcing yourself to talk about. Shoving it back inside you is only going to stress you out and certainly not work towards alleviating any root causes.

Cardio.

Chris_sl said:

What kind of groups? How do you find them?

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Most people find us through google. The US has several national organizations for depression that sponsor free to attend groups all over the US. Most of our new visitors/members found us through google, or outpatient clinics referrals.

This is my experience so keep in mind that what worked for me may not work for you and what works for you might not work for me.

I've had depression off and on since high school. I had a bad round of it my senior year and again in college (I consider a bad round anything that lasts more than a couple of months). Back then I really didn't know what to call it but all of my friends knew something was wrong. About 5 or 6 years ago I had my worse cases of it. In my case a lot of it came from loneliness. After graduating from college all of my friends went their own way and I ended up moving to a city where I didn't know anyone. For years I played Everquest and then World of Warcraft pretty hardcore. My routine was to get up, go to work, come home and log into one of those games until it was time to go to bed. On the weekends I cut out the "go to work" part and just logged on in the morning and didn't log off until I went to sleep. Basically I was self-medicating but I wasn't using drugs. EQ and WOW were just ways to escape the real world and "not have to think."

About 5 or 6 years ago though the depression hit me really hard though. Online gaming was losing its appeal and I had not motivation, was always tired and sad. There were times were I basically would just shut down for hours at a time. It nearly cost me my job. Then one day I was talking to my sister and I just blurted out "I think I'm depressed." Saying it out loud didn't fix anything but it was cathartic to finally realize what was wrong with me for so long. I made an appointment with a doctor and got put on Zoloft. I'll get back to drugs later but they helped me. After about 6 months I went off of them and was better for about a year. Then the depression came back even worse than before. There were days I didn't get out of bed, I would get home from work and just start crying for no reason, started to have insomnia (despite having no energy I would fall asleep but would wake up around 3 or 4 in the morning and not be able to fall back to sleep). Then I started to have full blown panic attacks. These were scary. They say that people having a panic attack think one of two things. First they think they might be having a heart attack or they think they're losing their mind and going crazy. I felt the second way. I went back to my doctor and got on Effexor and started to see a counselor. The first counselor I saw didn't help and made me feel worse so I found a second one who I had a much better connection with.

Now here are some thoughts:

Medication: A lot of people absolutely refuse to go on theses for any number of reasons. I don't agree with that line of thought. The first thing to remember is that depression is not a headache. You don't feel sad, pop a Zoloft and feel better right away. In fact it took about 3 weeks for the Zoloft to kick in and help regulate my mental state. One problem that I had was I went off of Zoloft too soon and I quit cold turkey (without talking to my doctor). That was a mistake. The withdrawal effects were very severe. When I went back on medication I was on Effexor. Zoloft worked better but the side effects were more severe. Basically I still had a sex drive but I couldn't "seal the deal" while on Zoloft. That was the worst effect. The Effexor worked but not as well but I didn't have the side effects. And when I went off of those I did it the right way (lowering my dosage gradually until I was off completely). So my advice is don't rule out medication. The first thing you try might not agree with you so you need to find something that works for you and helps. And as was said earlier, anti-depressants are not something you want to take the rest of your life. You take it for about a year to get things back on track and then you get off of them.

Counseling: This helped me a lot. But the most important thing I can recommend is to not settle. If you don't feel that a particular therapist is helping you, find another one. The first therapist I found wasn't a good fit for me at all so I did my research and found another one. Luckily the second was better. Also I knew I wanted to see a woman. Some people may feel differently but I have a mindset that women are more empathetic. That may or may not be the case for you.

Exercise and eating right: Like others have said it does help but when you're in the middle of the worst of the depression it's HARD. If you can keep up on it that's great but don't expect this to be a cure. It does help though.

Alcohol and drugs: Worst possible thing for a depressed person. Stay away from them at all costs while depressed. Online gaming was my "drug" and it nearly ruined my life. Today I still play Guild Wars 2 and, rarely, WOW but not nearly as much as I used to.

Ultimately what worked for me (and probably won't work for you because our situations are very different) was to start dating. Like I said, I realized that a lot of my depression was brought on by loneliness and I need to fix that. In high school and college I didn't date a whole lot but I turned to online dating. The first few experiences didn't really work out but I eventually met my wife on an online dating site. By the time I met her I finally had my depression under control and was doing a lot better. Just starting to date and get out helped me immensely so when I met my wife I knew it was the real thing.

Today I still get bouts of depression but I haven't had a major attack in quite a few years. Nothing that's lasted more than a week. However it's something I know I've got and its something I'll, likely, have to deal with again. But for now I'm a lot better.

Tarrant_sl said:

I haven't gone into deep specifics here about things going on, in my session I did. I made this thread to see how people dealt with their own depression. The analogy doesn't really make sense.

At any rate, I'm not really looking forward to going back but I'm being as open minded about it as I can.

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This is a solid idea; speaking to a stranger about deeply personal, confusion, and painful things can be confrontational. I think you will find it easier to be open minded the further into the process you get; just focus on the fact that all of this IS worthwhile.

And I hope your Dad is hanging in there as best he can, and your children as well. We're here for you

*hugs*

I know hospitals have all kinds of different rules and stuff, depending what part of the hospital they are in...but I'm wondering if maybe a local friend or family member can smuggle in a smartphone to him, so you can have a direct private line to him, and he to you, that either of you can use any time, day or night. Or even use Skype, perhaps; or set up a private tumbler blog where you can take a picture of yourself holding a sign with a message every day--and maybe encourage him to do the same for you. You might even be able to get a particular nurse to help. Send him a word or number puzzle every day--tear a page or two out of a big book of puzzles, put them in an envelope with a personal note that you can pop into the post every day, so he can have something to look forward to. Share a chapter of a book once a week, and your thoughts, etc. ask him to pick something, like when you were little, and then you (possibly and your kids) will send drawings back of that subject.

Those are just off the cuff ideas--the point of them is to make you feel involved from the prohibitive distance, and for him to know that--no matter how much pain he may be in--you are with him. It will also give him something to eagerly look forward to, as opposed to dwelling on his illness. Obviously, you know your family and how to adapt such things.

Please keep talking to the therapist, and try to take every chance to redirect your anger and frustration towards being away from him and your kids right now into some way to show him how important he is and how much you all love him. God forbid, he does poorly through the rest of his chemo, you will hate yourself down the road if you surrounded him with discord in his last days than adventure, fun, affection, adoration, etc.

I mentioned before; I was overseas when my dad passed from cancer. I had the chance to call him a mere two days before he died, and I let myself be pushed into something else, and made to feel guilty about the cost and timing of any calls I made to him. I don't think I've forgiven myself for it, simply because I don't know what state of mind he was in. I know it happened suddenly; he was being taken to his next chemo treatment, just like any other day, and along the car drive, he said something felt different and asked for the car to be pulled over, and then he slipped away in the ambulance.

Make sure there are no remaining differences between you; the physical distance that separates you doesn't have to separate you in he ways that really matter. Keep yourself open, and give the therapist a real sold chance so that you can give your father and your kid the support and love they need.

And hell, we are here for anything you need. Feel free to PM me if you want.

I feel your pain Tarrant.

My #1 advice: Keep trying to do something about it. I didn't, and now I don't remember what it feels like not to be (at least somewhat) depressed. It has become me.

#2 is that exercise does help. But I have to workhardto feel the effect. When your muscles burn, sweat is pouring off you and your chest hurts from breathing your body is in survival mode, and survival mode is GOOD for surpressing depression! If you lived closer I'd come hunt you with a sniper rifle. I guarentee, you wouldn't feel depressed at that moment.

EvilLurker_sl said:

If you lived closer I'd come hunt you with a sniper rifle. I guarentee, you wouldn't feel depressed at that moment.

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I (hope/think) I understand the light-hearted spirit in which this was intended, but still....*facepalm*

Go to a group, have some coffee, feel uplifted. An hour of relief and time spent out of your own head can do wonders.

I heard cocaine and hookers do wonders, too.

Perhaps you shouldn't follow all advice given in this thread, though.

lurkingdirk_sl said:

I heard cocaine and hookers do wonders, too.

Perhaps you shouldn't follow all advice given in this thread, though.

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There is risk in everything. You could meet a psycho at a group, get in a wreck on the way there, or fall down the stairs. When you're sick and tired of being sick and tired you will weigh the risk of life against your personal well being.
Hell, I just got back from the grocery store, there were 4 cop cars there, it looked like someone was robbed in the parking lot.

W4RH34D_sl said:

There is risk in everything. You could meet a psycho at a group, get in a wreck on the way there, or fall down the stairs. When you're sick and tired of being sick and tired you will weigh the risk of life against your personal well being.
Hell, I just got back from the grocery store, there were 4 cop cars there, it looked like someone was robbed in the parking lot.

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Exactly. Depression is a disease where you need to do SOMETHING. Sitting back and waiting for it to go away will not work. Not everything you try will work but if you sit back and do nothing, the depression will not get better.

Groups are a good idea. When I was working through my depression, I took up fencing. It got me out of my apartment and forced me to interact with other people.