Depression

Tide27 · Nov 11, 2020

whoo said:
Do you have family you can get together with to weather the storm? Any veterans programs you qualify for? This makes me sad and angry. We import so many workers and veterans like you are suffering. Any way to convert helicopter repair skills into a more in demand trade like electrician/welding/mechanic? They can make good money

All of my family has passed away, I am the last one still around. Lost both my grandmothers and both my mom and dad over a span of 4 years.

I looked for jobs out there that could use my Aviation experience, but what we didnt know as a lower enlisted person back then was that you needed an Airframe and Powerplant license to land any roles....and what I didnt think about personally was just how limited you were with experience on a UH-60 Blackhawk. Even when I contacted Dynacorp and Boeing back in the day, they wanted 6+ year exp plus the A&P license to make $12 an hour ( granted that was back in 2005ish time frame )

What I, and many other veterans see is that unless you are getting hired by a veteran, no one has a clue the skill set you bring to the table. They simply cant understand what it is you do and thus dismiss it. And Im not talking about people that brag about jumping out of planes and killing people, usually those people are people that dropped out during BASIC and never served a day. Now that I am in my mid 40s and last touched an aircraft going on 16 years ago, it is no longer relevant.

When you serve in the military, usually people that also served can call out your bullshit if you are lying about anything. We had a legitimate Special Forces guy that came to my store because he couldnt find anything else either, so they hired him on as an animal specialist. After spending 10 years in the military and I think 6 in SF, here he was cleaning up bird shit in cages for 2 years. I was not in leadership at the time, so there was nothing I could do....but him being degraded from going all the way from SF to only being good enough to clean up bird shit took the ultimate toll on him too

PS:

I see my inbox getting filled and before I even look at it I want to make sure that people understand I am not out here for a pity party. I just want people to realize that depending on your career fields and financial status that there is a good number of people out there that this is nothing more than a minor inconvenience. Some career fields have not only been able to weather the storm, but have become more lucrative. For all of those of us that rely on some sort of guest experience, whether it be in hotels / food and bev / tourism / travel / hospitality / sports and entertainment / airlines etc....it has become a death blow to so very many people and their families. We have already lost 1 of my employees already to suicide due to the fact he could not find anything else even remotely comprable either. Left behind an amazing 17 year old son, who is now going mental as well due to the overwhelming depression of losing his father, and having nothing social to do to find away to get his mind off of the pain and suffering due to all the god damn covid restrictions and having remote learning etc.

Hateyou · Nov 11, 2020

Gravel said:
Damn dude, that's almost exactly me, too, at least up until the recent events.

6 years in the military doing IT. My timing was shit though as I got out in November 2008. Couldn't find anything. You'd think having been a system/network admin and willing to live anywhere in the country I'd be good, but nope. Great recession was a bitch.

Said fuck it I'll use my GI Bill then (I should point out I did get an Associates in Computer Science while enlisted). Got a finance degree, accepted to be a Navy Pilot (thanks SecDef Miller for the letter of recommendation; posted the other day), but had a year break between the two before I shipped out. The only job I was able to find was working the front desk at a gym. And I got fired. They never told me why, and it's the only job I've ever been fired from. While in school though, I worked part time as a system/network admin again for a local company (bringing me up to 8 years, with 2 degrees). Still baffled why I couldn't find anything.

When I decided not to continue with the Navy, it took me 8 months to find a new job. Same deal, willing to move anywhere, I felt like my credentials were good, but I couldn't even get a fucking interview. I even interviewed to be a power plant operator for like 30k, and they basically told me "you're way overqualified, you're going to leave," and I'm sitting there like, I'm fucking desperate, please just hire me.

My story flipped though as I eventually got super lucky. Got hired for a government civilian position starting at GS-7 (about $35k) but promoted to GS-12 over 3 years (GS-9 after 1, GS-11 after 2, GS-12 at the end). Best part is it's essentially recession proof.

Anyway dude, things will get better. You'll look back on this as a character builder when you finally claw your way back out.

You probably got fired from the gym job for having a picture of mr universe on your resume and showing up looking like a 160 lb neckbeard.

Hateyou · Nov 11, 2020

Tide27 said:
All of my family has passed away, I am the last one still around. Lost both my grandmothers and both my mom and dad over a span of 4 years.

I looked for jobs out there that could use my Aviation experience, but what we didnt know as a lower enlisted person back then was that you needed an Airframe and Powerplant license to land any roles....and what I didnt think about personally was just how limited you were with experience on a UH-60 Blackhawk. Even when I contacted Dynacorp and Boeing back in the day, they wanted 6+ year exp plus the A&P license to make $12 an hour ( granted that was back in 2005ish time frame )

What I, and many other veterans see is that unless you are getting hired by a veteran, no one has a clue the skill set you bring to the table. They simply cant understand what it is you do and thus dismiss it. And Im not talking about people that brag about jumping out of planes and killing people, usually those people are people that dropped out during BASIC and never served a day. Now that I am in my mid 40s and last touched an aircraft going on 16 years ago, it is no longer relevant.

When you serve in the military, usually people that also served can call out your bullshit if you are lying about anything. We had a legitimate Special Forces guy that came to my store because he couldnt find anything else either, so they hired him on as an animal specialist. After spending 10 years in the military and I think 6 in SF, here he was cleaning up bird shit in cages for 2 years. I was not in leadership at the time, so there was nothing I could do....but him being degraded from going all the way from SF to only being good enough to clean up bird shit took the ultimate toll on him too

PS:

I see my inbox getting filled and before I even look at it I want to make sure that people understand I am not out here for a pity party. I just want people to realize that depending on your career fields and financial status that there is a good number of people out there that this is nothing more than a minor inconvenience. Some career fields have not only been able to weather the storm, but have become more lucrative. For all of those of us that rely on some sort of guest experience, whether it be in hotels / food and bev / tourism / travel / hospitality / sports and entertainment / airlines etc....it has become a death blow to so very many people and their families. We have already lost 1 of my employees already to suicide due to the fact he could not find anything else even remotely comprable either. Left behind an amazing 17 year old son, who is now going mental as well due to the overwhelming depression of losing his father, and having nothing social to do to find away to get his mind off of the pain and suffering due to all the god damn covid restrictions and having remote learning etc.

I sent you a message but it’s not pity. Just been there, it fucking sucks. Talking to people helps.

whoo · Nov 11, 2020

Tide27 said:
All of my family has passed away, I am the last one still around. Lost both my grandmothers and both my mom and dad over a span of 4 years.

I looked for jobs out there that could use my Aviation experience, but what we didnt know as a lower enlisted person back then was that you needed an Airframe and Powerplant license to land any roles....and what I didnt think about personally was just how limited you were with experience on a UH-60 Blackhawk. Even when I contacted Dynacorp and Boeing back in the day, they wanted 6+ year exp plus the A&P license to make $12 an hour ( granted that was back in 2005ish time frame )

What I, and many other veterans see is that unless you are getting hired by a veteran, no one has a clue the skill set you bring to the table. They simply cant understand what it is you do and thus dismiss it. And Im not talking about people that brag about jumping out of planes and killing people, usually those people are people that dropped out during BASIC and never served a day. Now that I am in my mid 40s and last touched an aircraft going on 16 years ago, it is no longer relevant.

When you serve in the military, usually people that also served can call out your bullshit if you are lying about anything. We had a legitimate Special Forces guy that came to my store because he couldnt find anything else either, so they hired him on as an animal specialist. After spending 10 years in the military and I think 6 in SF, here he was cleaning up bird shit in cages for 2 years. I was not in leadership at the time, so there was nothing I could do....but him being degraded from going all the way from SF to only being good enough to clean up bird shit took the ultimate toll on him too

PS:

I see my inbox getting filled and before I even look at it I want to make sure that people understand I am not out here for a pity party. I just want people to realize that depending on your career fields and financial status that there is a good number of people out there that this is nothing more than a minor inconvenience. Some career fields have not only been able to weather the storm, but have become more lucrative. For all of those of us that rely on some sort of guest experience, whether it be in hotels / food and bev / tourism / travel / hospitality / sports and entertainment / airlines etc....it has become a death blow to so very many people and their families. We have already lost 1 of my employees already to suicide due to the fact he could not find anything else even remotely comprable either. Left behind an amazing 17 year old son, who is now going mental as well due to the overwhelming depression of losing his father, and having nothing social to do to find away to get his mind off of the pain and suffering due to all the god damn covid restrictions and having remote learning etc.

Without doxxing yourself, are you willing to share what part of the country you're in? Perhaps some stars could align with a little nudge from forum members

Erronius · Nov 11, 2020

I went through similar shit. Specialized military training, no ability to 1:1 transfer in civilian world, and after I ETSed I had to flip burgers at McDonalds.

I got into construction, started at the very bottom, then twice lost everything I owned when construction completely died off and tanked. And after having people I know argue with me that 'the economy wasn't bad at those times', as if I just *didn't want to work* (THEY didn't lose THEIR jobs, you see), I have to admit that I do derive a small bit of smug satisfaction now that some of those people are getting their turn in the barrel. I'm watching the lights slowly come on, as they start to realize that...sometimes...shit is just BAD for people. It's not just you, it's not because you're lazy. Sometimes shit just fucking sucks.

I'm doing better now, but the obvious difference between the socioeconomic tiers really stood out after that. And it was a hard thing for me to accept that the vast majority of civilians/companies only talk a good game in practice - they DO NOT put much, if any, value on military service. They'll put up flags and send out an email on Veterans day thanking people for their service (I saw that yet again today) but fuck if most employers give two shits about veterans.

Tide27 said:
I am one of those people you may see on the news someday because he finally snapped and took out multiple people on his way out.

First thing I'd say is...remember that a lot of people are good people. Many of them are in the same position you are. They don't deserve the shit they have to struggle through any more than you do.

Second, I honestly think part of being a father is your kids seeing you do your best and keep struggling through the shit as best you can. Kids need a constant north star, and that's what fathers should be. So you've been given that struggle. Great. Now you just need to fight through that, and be the best dad that you can be. Suicide...well, that just leaves a giant gaping hole that takes years to heal, if it ever heals at all.

As a kid, I never gave a fuck if we had money or had to do without. I just wanted to be happy, have parents that loved me, and know that they were going to support me no matter what. So even if you have to take a shit job...or multiple shit jobs...scrape by however you can, and be there for your family as much as possible. It will pay dividends when you get older.

Last thing I'd say is...be open to taking chances. Be willing to pull up stakes and move, if need be. Don't let shit hold you back when an offer comes up. Switching careers is ok. Apply for jobs you aren't qualified for...because sometimes you get lucky. And a shitty temp job is, at the end of the day, still a temp job. Don't let that define you just because you had to lower your standards and work eblow to elbow with a bunch of teens who haven't even graduated HS yet.

Synj · Nov 11, 2020

1) Prior Army. I got so sick of college fuckheads drinking their way to a 2.5gpa and scoring a nice cushy job because of their worthless fucking degree. Fuck those idiots. And fuck this society that gives us vets little more than lip service and flyovers.

2) My dad killed himself two years ago. I was 44. Two years later I struggle with it every day. I miss him and I reflect on his failures and wonder if I’m doomed to repeat his mistakes. I’m not suicidal but I have sometimes wished for a plane to crash into my car if you know what I mean.

I think the only reason I’m saying these things is because I fucking feel you man. I’m angry at the fucking world and I have a ton of resentment and sometimes I’d love to just Leaving Las Vegas my way out of it.

But I have my two boys (5 & 7), the best girlfriend and her kids. They need me. Don’t fuck that up bro. You might think your kid and maybe even the world is better off without you but you’re wrong. She might survive without you but it will have ill effects for her entire life. And there’s some good shit out there too. I love this idiot place and the idiot people. I love video games and I still enjoy taking care of people as a PA.

Every day is gonna be hard. Nut up and find the people that will help you and that will scream at the clouds with you (fuck those clouds). I don’t know if any of this makes any sense, but people care and the most courageous thing someone can do is admit it. And go get your testosterone checked. I’m serious.

And tell them Dr. Butt Pellet sent you.

Sludig · Nov 12, 2020

Tide27 said:
I very rarely post anything about my RL situation, and probably still shouldnt, no matter how embarrassing my life turned out to be.

Having said that, I am in the same situation as this person. I left the Army back in 2004 after back to back deployments to Korea and Iraq and thought Id get a nice job having all that experience when I came home. What I was met with was rejection after rejection of any job offers that was not fast food. I even got turned down as just a general stocker at Best Buy ( applied because of the 5%+ wholesale discount and had a ton of cash saved from the deployments ) . I left the military as an E-5 and my first job was flipping bugers at Krystal for $5.25 an hour. Went from working on $8m+ dollar helicopters, to a flatop making 49 cent cheeseburgers. Every time I applied for anything at all that wasnt entry level, it was "you need a degree...what is your degree..you have no degree? " So I got my business mngt degree while waiting tables through college.

Exit college with 6 years military ( infantry and aviation ), 4 year degree in Business Mngt and hit the job market. Now Im told I need " experience " in whatever respective field Im applying for. Went to a papermill for an admin role, but they wanted 10+ year paper mill experience for 30k a year?? No matter where I searched, I needed to have an assload of experience to get any job that paid over $6 dollars an hour, but I couldnt afford to work for $6 an hour.

Fast forward some years and I had no choice but to wait tables since it paid decent while looking for other jobs ( majority of all other wait staff all had college degrees as well ) So I end up working my way up through the waiter / bar / supervisor / manager / area manager / agm / gm / multi-unit manager / director positions.

While I know $75k is nothing to many of yall, I worked very hard to continue to elevate myself to where I could take care of my family. Fast forward to today, and Covid has wiped out my career full stop. Went from $75k + bonus with a brand new newborn child ( best daughter a daddy could ever want ) to $350 a week. Have spent hours daily on indeed looking for anything. Over 120+ applications submitted, got 2 calls for jobs that were a total of 2 1/2 hr communte with 12-14 hour shifts. Anything in my salary range wants a Masters with 10+ years experience in whatever field I apply for. So here I am, literally 2-3 months away from losing both of our cars, our house ( we rent ) , getting locked up for failure to pay child support, and a marriage that has disintegrated because we have lost fucking everything over this god damn fake flu.

I have a loaded rifle and look at it every day. This shit has cost me everything I have ever worked hard for in life. Just yesterday I got contacted about another food service job ( wish to hell someone would call me about a diff job ), only for them to call me back and say because the state increased the Covid phase level again and they anticipate another round of a mass reduction of revenue, well...there is no spot for me to go.

I sit here with a pit in my stomach everyday and pray there is a light at the end of the tunnel, while I watch my neighbors that fortunately have jobs where they arent reliant on a mass amount of people for revenue sit back and collect paychecks while sitting at home with their families.

This bullshit has been a blessing for some people, some people it hasnt effected, and for some people....it has completely destroyed our lives and the only light at the end of the tunnel thats visible is a gunshot to the head. I love my daughter so much and she doesnt deserve to have a daddy that cant provide for her. If I cant, I have a pretty wife...maybe she find someone that will love my daughter as much as I do.

Literally at the complete end of my rope. I am one of those people you may see on the news someday because he finally snapped and took out multiple people on his way out.

Not going to dive into the thread topic so much. But career wise, those years ~2004 up thru at least almost 2012 sucked as a new graduate. Was deep into recession years, I remember when I first was applying for cop jobs at the start of college and when I first graudated, virtually no where almost would get you academy certified, had to magically have it already, and a decent sized agency hiring 12-20 would get 800 applicants+. I too after college ended up in fast food for a bit, then bumbled into hospital security which was actually a blast and I'd still be doing if it paid a actual living wage.

Today, so many places are desperate, more will send you to post than if not. When I was in the Sheriff, I was shocked how many people were never interested in law enforcement that ended up there. Concerning imo, but despite how 2020 has been, depending on state/area you are in might be worth a look for something not great but not bad pay if you havn't gotten completely soft in the years since getting out.

Likewise, one thing to look into, if your state has a decent amount of federal buildings. Find out who the contractor for FPS is there. (Go to any federal facility that's not a court house) Find a guard, theyll work for likely the company that has that states contract. Typically they'll hire only former military or recent LEO. Amazingly over paid guard work that's crazy easy as long as you can pass a fairly easy physical and a fairly easy pistol qual. Fuckers in oklahoma make like $32/hr +$ for healthcare or 401k. Was a paycut for me when I went to the sheriff for a year.

Even if none of that interests you, as long as you can make a decent looking resume, it doesn't hurt to shotgun your application to places even if you don't meet one requirement or another. Ya aint winning a CEO position, but sometimes you just need to look decent against the others applying. Wife was insecure about her chances because of the stiff requirements usually posted on things despite her stellar work history climbing a corporate chain, but no degree. Finally tried to branch out and now is looking at a small upgrade in job that is also if all goes well should mean doubling her pay in a few years once she does finish some certifications.

moonarchia · Nov 14, 2020

Tide27 said:
I very rarely post anything about my RL situation, and probably still shouldnt, no matter how embarrassing my life turned out to be.

Having said that, I am in the same situation as this person. I left the Army back in 2004 after back to back deployments to Korea and Iraq and thought Id get a nice job having all that experience when I came home. What I was met with was rejection after rejection of any job offers that was not fast food. I even got turned down as just a general stocker at Best Buy ( applied because of the 5%+ wholesale discount and had a ton of cash saved from the deployments ) . I left the military as an E-5 and my first job was flipping bugers at Krystal for $5.25 an hour. Went from working on $8m+ dollar helicopters, to a flatop making 49 cent cheeseburgers. Every time I applied for anything at all that wasnt entry level, it was "you need a degree...what is your degree..you have no degree? " So I got my business mngt degree while waiting tables through college.

Exit college with 6 years military ( infantry and aviation ), 4 year degree in Business Mngt and hit the job market. Now Im told I need " experience " in whatever respective field Im applying for. Went to a papermill for an admin role, but they wanted 10+ year paper mill experience for 30k a year?? No matter where I searched, I needed to have an assload of experience to get any job that paid over $6 dollars an hour, but I couldnt afford to work for $6 an hour.

Fast forward some years and I had no choice but to wait tables since it paid decent while looking for other jobs ( majority of all other wait staff all had college degrees as well ) So I end up working my way up through the waiter / bar / supervisor / manager / area manager / agm / gm / multi-unit manager / director positions.

While I know $75k is nothing to many of yall, I worked very hard to continue to elevate myself to where I could take care of my family. Fast forward to today, and Covid has wiped out my career full stop. Went from $75k + bonus with a brand new newborn child ( best daughter a daddy could ever want ) to $350 a week. Have spent hours daily on indeed looking for anything. Over 120+ applications submitted, got 2 calls for jobs that were a total of 2 1/2 hr communte with 12-14 hour shifts. Anything in my salary range wants a Masters with 10+ years experience in whatever field I apply for. So here I am, literally 2-3 months away from losing both of our cars, our house ( we rent ) , getting locked up for failure to pay child support, and a marriage that has disintegrated because we have lost fucking everything over this god damn fake flu.

I have a loaded rifle and look at it every day. This shit has cost me everything I have ever worked hard for in life. Just yesterday I got contacted about another food service job ( wish to hell someone would call me about a diff job ), only for them to call me back and say because the state increased the Covid phase level again and they anticipate another round of a mass reduction of revenue, well...there is no spot for me to go.

I sit here with a pit in my stomach everyday and pray there is a light at the end of the tunnel, while I watch my neighbors that fortunately have jobs where they arent reliant on a mass amount of people for revenue sit back and collect paychecks while sitting at home with their families.

This bullshit has been a blessing for some people, some people it hasnt effected, and for some people....it has completely destroyed our lives and the only light at the end of the tunnel thats visible is a gunshot to the head. I love my daughter so much and she doesnt deserve to have a daddy that cant provide for her. If I cant, I have a pretty wife...maybe she find someone that will love my daughter as much as I do.

Literally at the complete end of my rope. I am one of those people you may see on the news someday because he finally snapped and took out multiple people on his way out.

Seriously, though, don't give up. Depending on your location it may be time to move. It may be different in the future where most things are WFH, but proximity is still a massive leg up when looking for jobs.

1) What exactly did you do in the military? Infantry and aviation are way too fucking vague. If it was just mechanical, yeah, not worth much. If you did anything comms related, you can find good work in lots of tech companies, but that goes back to location.
2) What kind of work do you *want* to be doing? There is an entry point for any career path. For instance I am an engineer in telecomms, I started with a call center that did billing for AT&T Broadband back before 9/11. I learned the basic systems and business processes and looked for more and more technical positions until I got to learn how telecomm works from the ground up.
3) Again, don't give up. Despair and desperation will tank you 100% of the time when you are job hunting. Polite, confident, and personable will open doors.

Good luck!

Hosix · Nov 14, 2020

Synj said:
1) Prior Army. I got so sick of college fuckheads drinking their way to a 2.5gpa and scoring a nice cushy job because of their worthless fucking degree. Fuck those idiots. And fuck this society that gives us vets little more than lip service and flyovers.

2) My dad killed himself two years ago. I was 44. Two years later I struggle with it every day. I miss him and I on his failures and wonder if I’m doomed to repeat his mistakes. I’m not suicidal but I have sometimes wished for a plane to crash into my car if you know what I mean.

I think the only reason I’m saying these things is because I fucking feel you man. I’m angry at the fucking world and I have a ton of resentment and sometimes I’d love to just Leaving Las Vegas my way out of it with hookers and blow.

But I have my two boys (5 & 7). They need me. Don’t fuck that up bro. You might think your kid and maybe even the world is better off without you but you’re wrong. She might survive without you but it will have ill effects for her entire life. And there’s some good shit out there too. I love this idiot place and the idiot people. I love video games and I still enjoy taking care of people as a PA.

Every day is gonna be hard. Nut up and find the people that will help you and that will scream at the clouds with you (fuck those clouds). I don’t know if any of this makes any sense, but people care and the most courageous thing someone can do is admit it. And go get your testosterone checked. I’m serious.

And tell them Dr. Butt Pellet sent you.

Thank you for this post. I don’t post in here much but I know the struggle. It’s very real. I am talking with someone and it helps.

I take it day by day.

Aamry · Jan 12, 2021

It's been a while since I posted in this thread, but lately my depressions been hitting like a truck.

I can't tell if I hate my job because I'm depressed, or if I'm depressed because I hate my job, or a bit of both. I've slept close to 11 hours each night for the past week. I don't want to do anything, none of my dozens of hobbies even pique my interest anymore. The only reason I've been getting out of bed at all is for my dog, and work, which is from home for the past few months, so it's not like anyone calls me out on not doing my job all day.

I need more socialization for sure, I think it would really help out, but I don't know anyone where I live now, since I moved here just before COVID shut everything down. Also I've gained a ton of weight not getting out, so that's messing me up.

moonarchia · Jan 13, 2021

Aamry said:
It's been a while since I posted in this thread, but lately my depressions been hitting like a truck.

I can't tell if I hate my job because I'm depressed, or if I'm depressed because I hate my job, or a bit of both. I've slept close to 11 hours each night for the past week. I don't want to do anything, none of my dozens of hobbies even pique my interest anymore. The only reason I've been getting out of bed at all is for my dog, and work, which is from home for the past few months, so it's not like anyone calls me out on not doing my job all day.

I need more socialization for sure, I think it would really help out, but I don't know anyone where I live now, since I moved here just before COVID shut everything down. Also I've gained a ton of weight not getting out, so that's messing me up.

1. If you aren't a self help person then you might want to see a shrink.
2. If you are a self help person then learn how to meditate.

These steps are the intro of how to detect what is going on inside your head. The more you use them, the more fine tuned and accurate they will become.

Once you know the sources of your depression you can just pick and choose which to fix first. You already identified a few things you can work on.

Weight is 100% controllable via diet. Count them calories, keep a balanced intake, and watch the pounds slide off as long as you can stick to the diet. I would suggest exercise too, at least some good stretching and cardio a couple times a week. That will keep the weight you do have in a much happier configuration, muscle instead of fat and limber instead of tense and restricted.

Start hitting up local groups for whatever hobbies you enjoy. Even with covid people are still going to talk shop and even hang out once in a while. If you are religious, find local branches and find out what charities you can help out with.

dizzie · Jan 13, 2021

Aamry said:
It's been a while since I posted in this thread, but lately my depressions been hitting like a truck.

I can't tell if I hate my job because I'm depressed, or if I'm depressed because I hate my job, or a bit of both. I've slept close to 11 hours each night for the past week. I don't want to do anything, none of my dozens of hobbies even pique my interest anymore. The only reason I've been getting out of bed at all is for my dog, and work, which is from home for the past few months, so it's not like anyone calls me out on not doing my job all day.

I need more socialization for sure, I think it would really help out, but I don't know anyone where I live now, since I moved here just before COVID shut everything down. Also I've gained a ton of weight not getting out, so that's messing me up.

I was feeling down about the rona and exercising has really helped me mentally. I needed to start getting out of the house so I dusted off my commuter bike - now I put a couple of hundred miles on it some weeks and do some longer rides into the countryside.

You could look into volunteering if you have time, it's a good way to meet people and helping others always tends to make me feel positive. You don't have to make it a second job, most places are happy to accept an hour or two a week.

Hateyou · Jan 13, 2021

Aamry said:
It's been a while since I posted in this thread, but lately my depressions been hitting like a truck.

I can't tell if I hate my job because I'm depressed, or if I'm depressed because I hate my job, or a bit of both. I've slept close to 11 hours each night for the past week. I don't want to do anything, none of my dozens of hobbies even pique my interest anymore. The only reason I've been getting out of bed at all is for my dog, and work, which is from home for the past few months, so it's not like anyone calls me out on not doing my job all day.

I need more socialization for sure, I think it would really help out, but I don't know anyone where I live now, since I moved here just before COVID shut everything down. Also I've gained a ton of weight not getting out, so that's messing me up.

I’d try exercising even a little like outdoor walks. I know when you’re depressed or not motivated how difficult it is to start something like that so just start with long walks with your dog maybe. Also take vitamin D if you’re in a cold weather state.

As for getting out, you could try an app called Meetup. You put your interests into it and it shows you nearby gatherings. For example I do board gaming. I put that into Meetup and it showed me regular board game gatherings at people’s houses, a couple local breweries, etc. met some cool people that way and it got me out of the house.

Synj · Jan 13, 2021

Synj said:
1) Prior Army. I got so sick of college fuckheads drinking their way to a 2.5gpa and scoring a nice cushy job because of their worthless fucking degree. Fuck those idiots. And fuck this society that gives us vets little more than lip service and flyovers.

2) My dad killed himself two years ago. I was 44. Two years later I struggle with it every day. I miss him and I reflect on his failures and wonder if I’m doomed to repeat his mistakes. I’m not suicidal but I have sometimes wished for a plane to crash into my car if you know what I mean.

I think the only reason I’m saying these things is because I fucking feel you man. I’m angry at the fucking world and I have a ton of resentment and sometimes I’d love to just Leaving Las Vegas my way out of it.

But I have my two boys (5 & 7), the best girlfriend and her kids. They need me. Don’t fuck that up bro. You might think your kid and maybe even the world is better off without you but you’re wrong. She might survive without you but it will have ill effects for her entire life. And there’s some good shit out there too. I love this idiot place and the idiot people. I love video games and I still enjoy taking care of people as a PA.

Every day is gonna be hard. Nut up and find the people that will help you and that will scream at the clouds with you (fuck those clouds). I don’t know if any of this makes any sense, but people care and the most courageous thing someone can do is admit it. And go get your testosterone checked. I’m serious.

And tell them Dr. Butt Pellet sent you.

Update:

I started working out again, started jiu jitsu (literally just needed something to try) and most importantly I joined a support group suicide loss survivors and started a grief recovery program.

I’m not fixed but I’m optimistic that the tools out there exist to help me cope and I just need help finding and using them. It helps me very much to know that I’m not fucked up and I’m not a defect, but that I’ve just had bad information that can be reprogrammed.

Still love my kids, still love my gf, still love me (no homo).

For reference: Amazon product ASIN 0061686077

Sadre Spinegnawer · Jan 13, 2021

been away from this thread for a while.

If someday something clicks (something you might not even be able to figure out exactly what or how) and when morning comes you open your eyes and you feel in your bones you have a day ahead of you (the real stuff, the good stuff, just life, work and people and the whole deal and the first cup of coffee is excellent, and etc etc etc.) and the next day and the next day and the next day is like that, and you realize you are back to who you are and who you've been when life is alright, you want to be there on that day.

Year stretches, multi-year stretches, I'm unfortunately familiar with. But help worked, I have a good doc, I keep very strict self-care rules, and it took pretty much all of 2019 (I now realize) for the final pieces to finally gel, after years of "if this is as good as it gets, I am not sure here" levels of bad mind state. Fuckin constant.

But the click it did happen. That is how it was for me. Suddenly, instead of a constant feeling of sinking or struggling to stay above water, all of a sudden ... I'm just not. Years, buddy. years.

You HAVE to hold on. All of us. These are ALL solvable, and even if it takes a decade+ to solve them, one day of "problem solved?!?" makes it all worth it.

That is my AA-style testimony. That one day, when you get there. Worth it. It won't even be close. Not like even within the same world. Because that is kind of what depression is like: this terrible other world.

And none of you guys deserve it, and it IS escapable. But everyone has a diff escape hatch, although we can learn from each other.

Never give up to that evil demon. Fuck that evil demon. Fuck. It.

Aamry · Feb 10, 2021

Aamry said:
It's been a while since I posted in this thread, but lately my depressions been hitting like a truck.

I can't tell if I hate my job because I'm depressed, or if I'm depressed because I hate my job, or a bit of both. I've slept close to 11 hours each night for the past week. I don't want to do anything, none of my dozens of hobbies even pique my interest anymore. The only reason I've been getting out of bed at all is for my dog, and work, which is from home for the past few months, so it's not like anyone calls me out on not doing my job all day.

I need more socialization for sure, I think it would really help out, but I don't know anyone where I live now, since I moved here just before COVID shut everything down. Also I've gained a ton of weight not getting out, so that's messing me up.

So my lease is up end of March, so I called my boss to ask if I was still needed in this area, as I've been working from home for 6 months now.

He got back with me today, they want to relocate me back to Atlanta and switch my position to Logistics. I put in my notice. I'm going to move back to Jacksonville FL, go back to working at the gun range, and take online courses. On one hand, I feel relieved, on the other I am kinda stressed. I have friends in Jacksonville, but if anything happens where my job at the gun range falls through I'm kinda fucked.

Hateyou · Feb 10, 2021

Aamry said:
So my lease is up end of March, so I called my boss to ask if I was still needed in this area, as I've been working from home for 6 months now.

He got back with me today, they want to relocate me back to Atlanta and switch my position to Logistics. I put in my notice. I'm going to move back to Jacksonville FL, go back to working at the gun range, and take online courses. On one hand, I feel relieved, on the other I am kinda stressed. I have friends in Jacksonville, but if anything happens where my job at the gun range falls through I'm kinda fucked.

You’ll find something else if it falls through. Having a job you hate is fucking terrible. I had a job I hated ten years ago and I’d just come home and stare at the wall. Go to bed dreading the next day and struggling to sleep. Get out of bed and stare at the floor. I took a pay cut to get out of there and it was instantly better.

moonarchia · Feb 11, 2021

Aamry said:
So my lease is up end of March, so I called my boss to ask if I was still needed in this area, as I've been working from home for 6 months now.

He got back with me today, they want to relocate me back to Atlanta and switch my position to Logistics. I put in my notice. I'm going to move back to Jacksonville FL, go back to working at the gun range, and take online courses. On one hand, I feel relieved, on the other I am kinda stressed. I have friends in Jacksonville, but if anything happens where my job at the gun range falls through I'm kinda fucked.

Only thing I would have done differently is not putting in notice. Let them lay you off and take the unemployment while you get things set up in FL.

Aamry · Feb 11, 2021

moonarchia said:
Only thing I would have done differently is not putting in notice. Let them lay you off and take the unemployment while you get things set up in FL.

I'm all set up. I have a start date back at the range, only thing I need to think about is either a storage locker or tossing a bunch of stuff. I'm leaning towards tossing stuff and starting fresh later.

Erronius · Feb 11, 2021

Toss stuff. Easier to deal with later if things go totally to shit.

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