Dumb shit you do to your wife or husband

Adebisi

Adebisi

Clump of Cells
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She's not a big fan of my classic horse mask.
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She finds it creepy as fuck. I'll put it on every now and then and into the bathroom while she's taking a shower. I'll slowly peek over the curtain with my big horse face until she sees me. The goal is to scare the shit out of her and get yelled at.
 
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Vanderhoof

Vanderhoof

Trakanon Raider
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I will stand at the end of the dark hallway into our living room, bent over at the waist with only my eyes and the top of my head peaking out. I am very tall, so it scares the shit out of her to see eyes at 4' staring at her from around the corner.
 
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P

Picasso3

Silver Baronet of the Realm
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After she gets done whining i ask if she would like me to "eat her pussy"

I have no idea why.
 
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Adebisi

Adebisi

Clump of Cells
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My wife's busy making her halloween costume, and it requires tulle (pronounced: tool).

Whenever she complains that she can't seem to find any at the fabric store I reply "Why would you buy Tool at the fabric store" or "I don't think Maynard has laid down the vocals yet" or "I've got their older stuff in the closet somewhere."

MILLENNIAL DAD JOKES
 
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Soygen

Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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I sleep with her sister.
 
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Soygen

Soygen

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I like that someone rated my comment "bullshit". I give that a Picard.
 
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Noodleface

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
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She gets upset if I hit her in the head when I finish ramming her so when we do it from behind I aim upwards to hit her in the back of the head with it.

The first time was an accident but she was only mildly upset so now I do it on purpose.

Also I pull up my gym shorts as high as they'll go so she can see the outline of my dick and ass crack.
 
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Soygen

Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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a_skeleton_03 "the love pharmacist" strikes again.
 
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Ryanz

Ryanz

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I ran into the bedroom while she was laying down getting ready for bed, jumped in the air as if I was doing a cannon ball into a pool and yelled, "BOOM!". Scared the shit out of her, and she screamed as if she was being murdered. Now I tell her it could come at any time and to always be on edge.
 
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Sledge

Sledge

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When we're about to go out somewhere I always ask 'Is that what you're wearing?'

Never gets old.
 
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T

Tortfeasor

Molten Core Raider
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Whenever I grab wife's ass, I meow like a kitten as if it's actually her ass that's doing the meowing. I can tell she finds it sorta creepy, but I can also tell she lets me do it because for her, it's one of those 'pick your battles' things... which amuses? me. Inspired by Spongebob's snail, Gary.
 
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Hatorade

Hatorade

A nice asshole.
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I jump scare her randomly at quiet moments, sometimes watching a movie but usually when zero things are going on. A quick movement and a loud noise, her reaction never gets old.
 
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A

a_skeleton_06

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I enjoy when I come home and she's in the shower because this allows me to don a halloween mask, sneak into the bathroom and scare the fuck out of her.
 
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K

KDow

Blackwing Lair Raider
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Tortfeasor said:
Whenever I grab wife's ass, I meow like a kitten as if it's actually her ass that's doing the meowing. I can tell she finds it sorta creepy, but I can also tell she lets me do it because for her, it's one of those 'pick your battles' things... which amuses? me. Inspired by Spongebob's snail, Gary.
Click to expand...


Kinda similar, I will poke my wife in her ass hole (through clothes - not actually going full out) any time she bends over or if she's going up the stairs ahead of me. This works best when she's carrying groceries in each hand. I make the same noise every time and have for years. It sounds like "wuhboo!" but said really fast. Been doing it so long that if she's bending over to do something and I'm across the room and say it she'll still jump up and turn around lightening quick and tell me to fuck off.

Other thing I used to do that doesn't work anymore is I'd make up pointless lies about stupid things and then wait for what would be years sometimes for her to repeat them to other people.

For example the first time she came with me to my hometown we drove around and I told her ridiculous stories behind landmarks and historical figures that lived in my small town. Like 3 years later we were at a friends party in that same town and I heard her repeating my nonsense. I filled her in on it and she did think it was funny (thankfully). That was one time but there were a bunch of others. My dad would do similar shit to me and my brother when we were kids.

Can't do it anymore though because she just googles everything or asks my family or friends.
 
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