One of my dearest friends, who was nice enough to greet me at the airport to come see you fine people tonight, was perplexed about what could possibly be funny about mathematics. I told him, "Numbers are everywhere!" He said prove it, all butch. I said, "Tom, tell me, how old is your youngest kid?" Tom sprang across the table and has a very strong grip, and he has me around the throat yelling at me, "We don't talk about my kids! That's last warning." So I'm fixing my tie, still pretty dazed since I don't usually get a human clawhammer to the trachea, realizing this isn't a mathematics convention.
I'm being audited by Tom fucking Cruise and shit just got real.